The Real Reason Complaining Makes Things Worse

the real reason complaining makes things worse
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Oprah’s brilliantly simple interview of Eckhart Tolle helps you become aware of how you are complaining and more importantly, whether the way you complain actually does any good in bringing about the change you want.

Complaints are statements that a situation is undesirable or unacceptable.

But, according to Eckhart Tolle, it’s the delivery that matters.

The ego-driven complaint is focused on making you right and somebody else wrong – and this is the type of complaining that provokes conflict.

He goes on to describe a more effective way to bring attention to a negative situation, with the intent of improving it.

This is an eye-opener for so many, as most people have no idea that most complaining is done from the ego (talking about the situation from the perspective of I am right and someone else is wrong).

It’s fascinating to hear how that approach actually does more harm than good in bringing about desired change.

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Eckhart describes a more effective way of complaining that does not personalize the situation, and encourages cooperation and a win-win resolution.

Meditation is one way to become less ego-driven in the way you complain.

It significantly increases awareness, and also helps put situations into perspective.

As you practice meditation, you will find that there is less and less complaining to be done as you just don’t feel the need.

Reason why is because you become more and more accepting of ‘what is‘!

You no longer take a defensive “them against me” ego-driven stance in those moments that you would have done previously.

Learning how to productively complain when needed (with the intent of bringing about change) is a life-changer that will leave you feeling more trusting in yourself. Which is where it all really begins.

“What we need to do is always lean into the future; when the world changes around you and when it changes against you – what used to be a tail wind is now a head wind – you have to lean into that and figure out what to do because complaining isn’t a strategy”.   ~ Jeff Bezos

Here are just a few ways meditation will help you in becoming the kind of complainer that only results in incredible change.

  • Firstly, it’s a good idea to really ensure your reason for complaining is valid. If you’re soup’s cold and you want and expected hot soup, ask for it politely.
  • Act quickly. If you feel reason to complain about a situation, get on with it. Don’t waste days moaning or putting it off. The present moment is where your super power lives!
  • Do always be polite and stick to the point. Be aware and recognize when emotions might be taking over. No-one’s immune to feeling defensive and this is exactly how you’ll make the other person feel if you charge in like a bull. By which time, they’re so busy protecting their ego, they’re no longer really listening to your complaint.
  • Be reasonable but assertive.  Be clear ( stick to the facts ) on why you feel let down without accusing. For example,”it appeared to me that he was being rude” as opposed to “he was rude”.  Don’t make it all about you and remember to listen.

Namaste

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