The PTSD and Depression gave me an experience of what life in Hell would be like and I really felt I was there living it. After over 30 years being a Professional Truck Driver and working in other industries, my ability to work anywhere came to an end. I drove over 3 million miles in my lifetime and witnessed so many horrific accidents; it took its toll on my mind. Some of the companies I worked for and employees had no respect for the well being of others and that tore me apart over time also. I prayed, hoped and wished my life would end; I could not take the pain anymore.
Over the past year ending my life has been getting farther from my mind. Have you ever seen the movie ground hog day? The thought of ending my life, then starting over again and again is one of the things that scared me. The reason being I really felt I was living in hell already and there is no escape, I would live this life over and over again.
I started seeing a therapist and experienced meditation for my first time in 2013. I remember him looking at the clock and thinking, is he like the others, just thinking about his time not me. I tried talking to people about how I was feeling and no one seemed to believe me. The hurt inside was real, I feared no one anymore, I was immortal and could not be killed as I was already dead.
My search for a better life began when; I did the move away from my past to a different part of the country. I am the type of person it seems, that needs to find his own answers. I was seeking mental help and one place said, I had to improve before they could help me. Having a mental illness and then trying to find help has to be one of the hardest things I had to do.
Project Meditation Support/LifeFlow; Jodie has listened to what I have been talking about and has been very supportive.
LifeFlow 10 was very hard for me because of a hearing disability caused at work. I also have Tinnitus ringing in the ears and it is very hard to cope with. I found that listening to LifeFlow 10 with my ear phones worked better when I went to bed at night.
Just over a year later, I now have hearing aids that corrected my hearing problems and I get the same effect without ear phones. I can now sit in my chair or lie in bed and totally relax while listening to LifeFlow 10.
I am dealing with PTSD, Depression, ADHD and my hearing problems. I have a long journey ahead of me and have had to start to learn how to live all over again. I have attended many mental health groups and other services, learning how to live a new life.
Now comes the mind & body. LifeFlow 10 has helped when it comes to my mind, being able to relax and concentrate when I am doing my course homework. I was taking ADHD medication for a very long time and have stopped taking it, after consulting with my ADHD specialist.
I am amazed at how, the emails I get from Michael every Wednesday, my one on one counseling and the mental health group I am attending all seem to be on the same page every week. LifeFlow 10, meditation, my 15 favorite things, my 25 dreams have given me a new purpose in life.
My Grandmother always told me I was a Good Boy. I am slowly finding that Good Boy she said I was. He was taken away from me a long time ago.