How Many Times A Day Do You “Should” Yourself?

How many times a day do you “should” yourself?

• I should clean up the house…
• I should get the oil changed in the car…
• I should meditate…
• I should eat more vegetables…
• I should exercise…

Louise Hay says that “should” is one of the most damaging words in our vocabulary. At first glance, it might not seem that way. After all, we’re just reminding ourselves that there are things that need doing so that we can live a better life and achieve our goals.

But “should” also has far too many negative implications. When we say it, we are in effect saying we are wrong or we were wrong or we are going to be wrong. And yes – it could very well be the case, for example if you tell yourself you should stop smoking and you reach for another one… or if you tell yourself you should exercise but the only thing you pick up is the TV remote…

So ask yourself, how do you feel when you tell yourself you should do/do not do something? Do you feel empowered? Excited? Motivated? Inspired?

No. “Should” makes us feel guilty. It’s another way to lay blame upon ourselves and another way to make ourselves feel bad.

Again, it’s said in the right spirit, but the reality is that “should” makes us feel bad and when we feel bad, we retreat. We retreat back into our old, familiar patterns. This is the comfort zone. It’s where we feel good and where we receive some sort of neurochemical reward.

And, because “should” feels so bad, we don’t do what we know is the right thing to do. We don’t make the best choice. We don’t align our actions with our goals.

By simply changing SHOULD to COULD we put a whole new light on any subject we think about…

• I could clean up the house …
• I could get the oil changed in the car…
• I could meditate…
• I could eat more vegetables…
• I could exercise…

All of a sudden we have given ourselves a choice in the matter. A choice that feels great!

• I could clean up the house, it feels better when it’s clean and tidy.
• I could change the oil in the car, it always feels good when I care for my car
• I could meditate, it’s only 15 minutes and I always feel so peaceful afterwards
• I could eat more vegetables, they are so delicious and my body feels great when I eat them
• I could exercise, I love how energized I am after a good workout

Just by replacing the negative should to a more positive could, our thought processes take a more positive path.

In meditation, you can let your mind chatter and try noticing the times you “should” yourself, and gently remind yourself that you have a choice – a choice that feels good – and support that choice by changing your self-talk to “could.”