Have you ever wondered how to manage anger in a more peaceful and productive way?
Do you ever feel anger well up inside you so much that you feel your self-control start to crumble?
Left unchecked, not knowing how to manage anger can have dire consequences.
“You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger.” Buddha
A leading cause of anger is a person’s environment. Stress, including financial issues, abuse (whether physical or mental), poor family situations and overwhelming requirements on your time and energy can all contribute to the formation of anger.
If you’re wanting to understand how to manage anger better, it’s so useful to know that genetics and your own body’s ability to deal with certain chemicals and hormones also play a role in how you deal with anger.
If your brain doesn’t react normally to serotonin, you might find it more difficult to manage your emotions.
Know this … you don’t have to ever be stuck in the grip of anger ever again.
You ‘can’ control it, and you ‘can’ live a calmer, happier, and more peaceful life.
This enlightening video by Deepak Chopra is especially helpful when you are pushed to anger by people who don’t understand you, and ridicule you for who you are.
First, Deepak counsels you to recognise that as you change, people around you become uncomfortable.
If you really want them to understand and appreciate you, you cannot lash out in anger whenever they press your buttons.
That won’t work. But you can transform them through your own example.
It’s not enough knowing how to manage anger, you’re going to have to put in some dedicated practice.
And remember …
It’s not about perfection … Practice makes progress!
To start with, why not try this exercise in addition to what Deepak suggests.
Like anything else, the more you practice, the more you will master this self-control technique and you will never again lose your cool and live with the stress and guilt of behaviors and words that you can’t undo.
Firstly, it’s important to recognise that anger does in fact have a few advantages:
It sends a message to others that your beliefs, values or standards are being violated by someone. Anger can also make you feel somewhat in control of a situation (at least you get to vent your emotions, even if you’re powerless to do anything else).
Yes, it can sometimes help you get your way and it’s okay to express anger sometimes (you are after all, human) but when anger becomes your default response to situations, then you’ve got a problem.
Here’s how to manage anger, so you can avoid exploding frequently and over inconsequential things:
Relax ( Cliché we know but oh so imperative ) as much as possible by focusing on your breath.
Ten inhales and exhales as slowly as you wish (with your full attention) will calm you down enough to avoid a fight-or-flight response which can lead to verbal or worse, physical attack on the other person.
If you give in to the fight-or-flight response, your thinking then becomes distorted and/or exaggerated.
Next, change your interpretation of the situation by looking at whatever provoked your anger from a different perspective.
Here are some questions that will prompt you to re-assess the situation:
Is this situation going to be important in one hour? Tomorrow? Next year? (Is it even worth the effort of blowing up and am I taking it too seriously or exaggerating its importance?)
Am I interpreting someone else’s behavior from a “poor me” victim perspective, when it may actually have nothing to do with me? Basically, am I taking this personally when that isn’t warranted?
Am I able to see the situation from the other person’s point of view?
Is there something I can learn from this situation that will benefit me?
Was I misunderstood? Did the other person not understand what I was trying to communicate? (In which case, my anger is unfair and unjustified).
“In human intercourse the tragedy begins, not when there is misunderstanding about words, but when silence is not understood.” ~ Henry David Thoreau
What was I expecting from this person, that they failed to deliver? Is my expectation reasonable or am I projecting my own values, standards and beliefs on them?
The above question, “Am I taking this too personally?” is essential to help you release a lot of the anger you have.
Very often, people are so wrapped up in their own thoughts, that they simply don’t consider your feelings… meaning their behavior isn’t even directed at you.
Did you know that meditation empowers your thinking on every level?
Perfect for those wanting to know how to manage anger and act on it.
With a calm and rational mind, your thoughts will be clear, creative and decisive and your consciousness will be clean and pure as it is raised.
Meditation resets anything and everything that happened before this very moment and is the best way to tap into that infinite reserve of wisdom contained within.
Anger not only clouds the mind, but it can spiral until you find yourself living a bitter, unhappy life.
Don’t do that ! You deserve so much more.
So get focusing on your breath (during meditation and outside of meditation) so that you can quickly learn to calm yourself before anger escalates, create a better-feeling interpretation of the event, and then choose a better response.
Above all else … be patient and first become the change you want to see in others