Have you ever felt intense feelings of anger with someone – to the point where you felt like the anger totally controlled you?
Many of us respond to this intense and negative emotion in one or two ways:
We either explode, in an out-of-control way. Later regretting our behavior and wondering whether we need to address some issues within and research anger management.
We suppress it, believing this to be a better, more calmer and grown up way of managing such intense emotions.
Unfortunately, we’re discovering with years of mental health research, repressing feelings of anger or other fully charged emotions only leads to new deep and painful emotions emerging such as resentment, guilt, bitterness and even self-hating.
Don’t miss Tony Robbins’ anger management advice in the video below where he shares with us an almighty and life changing tip that will result in a whole new way of being…
So again… how do you genuiniely find the desire to really want to forgive a person who’s hurt you or a loved one?
How do you catch yourself in the moment when deep down, you’re boiling inside and would just rather never have to deal with the monster again?
Think about an instance when you have been hurt by another or you were responsable for upsetting someone else. Was it deliberate to hurt the other or was the act commited out of insecurity, fear, or some other kind of painful feeling?
“Each time you indulge in the emotion of anger or the behavior of yelling at a loved one, you reinforce the neural connection and increase the likelihood that you’ll do it again.” – Tony Robbins
The real reason people do and say hurtful things is because of those strong negative feelings and beliefs they are holding inside.
When you choose to become more compassionate (yes, with practice it gets easier) to the inner pain that they are feeling, it becomes so much easier to forgive.
So if forgiveness is the key to REAL AND LASTING anger management, don’t miss hearing Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh’s wonderful perspective on how to let anger out in the best way possible for your mental and physical health…
Here, one of the best known and most respected Zen masters in the world, Thich Nhat Hanh explains that anger is actually a really useful emotion (like all emotions) and can be used productively.
So it might not be necesary to book in for anger management therapy just yet.
You just need to start by locating your own individual inner peace. The inner peace that’s always been there and will always remain there. This is where compassion is born.
Forgiving someone for what they’ve said or done doesn’t mean that you have to accept their actions. Not at all. It’s really something you do more for yourself and your own self worth.
When we forgive others, we become more peaceful in the present. When we become more peaceful in the present, we become the most powerful we can be.
While we may not be able to control feelings of anger from arising within us at times, we always have that all important ‘choice’ as to whether we will let it drive our response.
When a person reacts to something with anger, it’s an attempt to feel better that usually backfires.
When we act out of anger, we add to the suffering of the person who did something unkind.
This leads to everybody suffering even more.
But, when we learn to respond with kindness and compassion (again… step-by-step learning is required here as it can feel almost impossible at times), we feel better, and there’s a good chance we can help the other person suffer less, too.
Isn’t the result of where this option directs us so much more appealing than intense pain on both sides?
So anytime you feel intense anger surfacing, or any other strong emotion that threatens to “take over” and make you say or do something you will regret later, just breathe.
A short breath meditation, even three or four breaths, can help you avoid reacting in a negative way.
Focus on breathing in calm, and breathing out love.
In-calm, out-love, in-calm, out-love, in-calm, out-love…
This simple mini-meditation will help you get control of yourself and help you see the other person (or situation) in a more positive light.