Hi guys,
I believe honesty to be the best approach so here goes my half pence. I've already in other posts made myself vulnerable so why not take another step if it can help someone else right?
Doc H, I suffer from chronic PTSD along with bipolar disorder plus other "tags". I have had repeated traumas from around the age of 5 1/2 years of age all the way up until I was about 40-42 years of age. I was abused as a child by many different people physically, mentally, sexually and recently have learned of another episode in which I still can't recall the complete event.
Some of the traumas were related to "chaotic combat-like events" from a job I had as a young man. I was put into scenarios in which it seemed like time stood still long enough for me to react to the situations I found myself in at this particular job long enough for me to eliminate, neutralize or gain control of whatever volatile situation I found myself in. I can sometimes still smell something that was in the air in one of those moments and flashback. I'm glad I wised up and moved on from that place in my life. I decided college was a much better thing.
I have had years to reflect and try to understand how I can void myself of these nasty recurring thoughts, negative emotions, constant hyper-arousal, explosive outbursts, nightmares, black-outs yadda yadda...I've tried several different types of behavioral therapy and never really had much success with them. CBT seemed to help more than other psycho-treatments.
I noticed using prayer (which seems unpopular for some reason these days), meditation and exposure therapy w/meds not to mention forgiveness, self-forgiveness, self-acceptance plus a doctor/client relationship based on honesty and integrity going both ways to have actually helped the most.
I have used EFT as Giles was speaking of and I have found a lot of help using the LifeFlow program as well. I use these in conjunction with the other methods I listed above in the last paragraph. I can say that I have finally found peace on and off the deeper I go into all of these methods.
In all naked honesty, I can honestly say I only remember peace from my first conscious remembrances to until about the age I mentioned earlier (5 1/2) and about one year I spent with some hippies but even then with the hippies I was still in turmoil under the surface and just had a little peace, nothing like I feel these days which I can only compare to complete surrender at times...wow, just wow.
I can let go sometimes now and actually feel too. Strange but nice. I'm not going to play any drama up or try to deceive anyone. I have had so much trauma for so long I actually at one point thought I was soulless because I couldn't feel anything except depression, anger, fear and surprisingly, empathy for others I saw in similar circumstances and jobs. There were years of just being numb also those were the worst. Now I can actually feel emotions like peace, love and sometimes joy, talk about a free buzz, a wonderful thing it is to feel...it only took about 40 years.
Maybe God designed my destiny to start becoming resolved at this point in my life or maybe it's the methods I've listed. I like to think He has had a hand in pointing me in the right directions causing me to come to the point of Peace at least within myself, with my past and hopefully one day with my survival instinct when I am among other people.
I still have flashbacks, hyper-vigilance, black-outs and I can pose a very dangerous risk to those around me if the conditions are right or if I'm not highly medicated i.e. my 22 year old son crept up on me (I live alone) and put me in a choke hold, involuntary reactions from years of martial training, extreme hyper-vigilance and startle response once again slowed time down and I had him slammed over my shoulder to the grass, with my hand around his larynx fixing to crush it before I realized what I was doing and before he could struggle to get away. I thank God I didn't black-out and that I looked into his eyes and saw who it was before I looked for more danger. Now he makes sure in a calm manner to let me know he is around and all is fantastic with us. He knows I love him more than anything on this earth and that I would rather die than see him suffer...but and this is a huge thing...I still have concerns about being out in public where someone may do the same thing or even worse and I would black-out to martial training and actually kill or maim someone by misinterpreting their actions.
The Point Being is
The fact that I now feel peace at least around my family, some friends and under certain circumstances in which I used to not be able to even function without posing a risk to others and myself. It may sound far-fetched but in all honesty I seriously can be around my family and most friends now without much emotional turbulence AND they can sense it as I have noticed them relax around me. I don't mean to sound like an animal but my life has been pretty screwed up to say the least.
Being able to be at peace, just that alone is nothing short of a miracle according to one of my therapists not to mention being able to be around others (loved ones, extended family) making noise (being themselves
) and be at peace. What a trip.
My therapist told me bluntly that most people would not be as lucky to go through what I have been through and come out at the point I am now, I believe he's right, they would more than likely never know peace. I cannot even begin to express how thankful I am for the methods and Guidance I have been fortunate enough to be blessed with. I just wish I had known all of this sooner is my only regret.
As far as what levels of LifeFlow to use, I'm still on 5 sometimes I'll use 4 although I own level 2 something keeps me at 5 and 4. I also get plenty of exercise (to burn off the nervous energy), eat properly, get in the sun and try my best to maintain a positive mindset even when life throws it's worst at me, my mind renewed daily by the Word of God and an attitude of gratitude.
Still making progress, God Bless you,
`Tired`
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
Symptoms of PTSD treatable by Lifelow??
Linear Mode
