Unconsciously tried to destroy myself to give up thoughts and live in the present

Yea, right, sounds crazy but unconsciously i thought that was the only way I could live like Tolle for example. 20 min sessions per day just didn't seem to make me a person that would really live the present in the future ( cause you know its almost impossible sunddenely live in the present right now, your mind gets you all the time). when i tried to meditate 20 min everyday i would always forget somedays and you know… it didn't seem to work out… so in the past months i got crazy, every little thing was boring me so much and this week i ve been watching my thoughts the hole day and i had some pretty interesting results, like my ego didn't exist sometimes.. which is awesome, but… i don't wanna keep destroy myself so that i can live meditating… i wanna find an easier way haha

 

Hi nathan and welcome to the community

to become more present in your daily life doesn't mean you have to spend hours in meditation. With a little daily practice without expectations of what you will experience, you will become aware of the state of meditation. When this happens, it's important not to begin analysing how this feels because your mind will try and do this. Just relax into this state and when thoughts intervene, and they will, just focus on your mantra (or meditation technique) until you enter the state again.Boredom is also the exact opposite of being present.

Once you become familiar with this heightened state of awareness, you will find that it will remain with you more and more in your day to day life allowing you to become more present. Here is a link to some great information that has helped many people here:-

http://www.project-meditation.org/c...nciples-meditation-entrainment.html#post12298

Hope this helps and wish you much peace and joy