Letting go & thoughts

Hi,

Recently i thought about a situation, where you have to let go of something you love... someone who died, or someone you loved very much and who left you. Unfortunately im in such a situation.

I feel totaly fine if i just repeat my mantra the whole day. No sad thoughts, no sad feelings. Though my mind doesnt like that... it rather likes to hang onto those thoughts of course.

On the other hand, everyone needs his time of letting go. To process the fact that someone has left him or her, and all the emotions that come with it.

Because i can just repeat my mantra, and everythings fine, i am a little confused about this concept. The moment i let go of my mantra, everythings coming back to me. Am i just delaying the process of letting go?

Thanks,
Pan

 

Hi Pan,

Sorry to hear you've had a loss.
I think perhaps you are just using the mantra as a means of supressing or distracting you, and that's why you're feeling confused about it, and why the feeling of loss is coming back when you stop the mantra.

The point is, when you use your mantra you can see that there is no need for a feeling of loss at that time, and that the loss feeling is not something that is permanent, as it can be pushed aside. By recognising this, you can make the choice to let the loss come forward, accept it for what it is (cry about it, stomp around the house a bit, do whatever feels necessary at that time) and then know it is no longer needed.

And don't forget all the good things that were there before the loss.

Hugs

Giles

 

Thanks Giles

<3

 

Hi Pan,

When I lost my Dad a couple of years ago, I found it very difficult.

I sat for many hours swimming in a range of emotions and feelings. It was very hard. What I learned through that process though was it was important for me not to try to escape the grief I was experiencing but rather stay with it or even "lean" into it. It was clear that the feelings I was experiencing were as a direct result of how special that relationship was to me.

So over time I stopped fighting the grief and yielded to it. I noticed that it came in waves. I love the water so I spent many hours on the beach watching waves and swimming in them. That helped to heal. When I resisted the surf I got tossed about. When I went with the flow, it was exhilarating. It taught me a lot.

Finally, I was prepared to endure the process of grief. The intensity diminished because I was not prepared to shun it. If anything, the process and persistence helped very much to clear a new space where new beginnings emerged. It also taught me a lot about loving without attachment.

Take care,

Olmate.

 

Hi Pan,

so sorry to hear of your loss. Found this post made by Ta-tsu-wa in a thread about experiencing the loss of a loved one and wondered if you might find something helpful in there:-

http://www.project-meditation.org/c...alling-asleep-while-meditating.html#post12961

The title of the thread is about falling asleep - the content is about loss.

I wish you an abundance of peace and joy Pan

 

Hey m8's,

Thanks for your responses. Yep i feel its necessary to just let it happen... as with anything in life. Thats the process the body/mind has to go through when a loss occures. The only thing i can do is, to not identify with the grief. Especially in times like these its hard to stay awake and not fall into feelings without beeing aware of them.

Loving without attachement... i still have to learn a lot about it. Thanks olmate.

Thanks polly, i still remember this thread very well, as it is a very emotional story that the great Ta-tsu-wa shared with us. I wonder if he's fine, hasnt posted anything in a while.

<3

 

I don't understand the point of mantras. The words in a mantra are just words. If these words point you to feel what the words represent (for example if my mantra is 'feel the aliveness of my hands' the mantra is supposed to point me to actually feel the actual feeling in my hands) why not just feel what the words represent without saying the words? Wordlessly and actually feeling the feeling in your hands can be done without the mantra.

As for when you are saying your mantra and you feel okay then when you stop all the painful feelings flood back in I would say that you got to just take the thoughts which are causing these feelings into your mind, and meditate them away. For something big like what you are experiencing there are going to be a lot of thoughts, and a lot of repetition of those thoughts. Along with those thoughts will be a lot of emotion, and a lot of repetition of emotion.

You got to sweat it out. When the thoughts arise you got to be aware of them (as opposed to resist them in some way, perhaps by escaping to read a book or check your phone or whatever) and allow them to fade away. Then when the next one comes, or the same one repeats, do it again. Eventually the realization comes that it is okay.

You know all this though, just thought it cant hurt to remind you bud.

 

My reply is months late, sorry, I guess I just like to hear myself speak, hope all is well now. Or I guess there is more to be talked about. How are you doing regarding this instance, or is there anything you want to add about how the process ended up?

 

Uhm, not sure what you mean William.

I had this problem with anger and very intense weird feelings when i listened to LF and/or used a mantra. A few weeks ago i switched to breath meditation and all is fine again... i can meditate again, its just great! Im finally more relaxed again and more in the moment.

Just tried LF9 again 2 days ago, and again... im getting veeery irritated, and my hole body feels like its burning. My nerves i guess... dunno what LF does in my brain, but its no more for me im afraid.

 

I have been separated from my partner for 4 years now, at first it was there fault then it was mine then we were both to blame? now I have learned it is in the past and cannot be changed as the future can not be predicted as it has not happened.

I believe people come into our lives for a reason it my be for a minute it my before a life time. it sounds like using your mantra to forget is not forgetting it is intensifying the thought, we cannot get ridded of tooth ache just by saying it is not there we go and do something about it.

Regards
Robert

 

I have come to learn that much of what we hold to be true and the stories we build up about life issues are in fact an illusion.

The pain of that "toothache" may be more of our own making than what is. It does not have to be "forgotten". Letting go of the story and rewriting it every day (or several times a day) is where peace and presence resides.

 

Hi Olmate,

I'm just curious about the following comment:

Why and what are you rewriting? I'm curious because I still have days (well most days in-fact) where all I do is unconsciously build (and buy into) constructions of the past or future in my mind, but I understand this rewriting to be a distraction from the NOW. When I am conscious I wish I could just let go of everything (which I guess is still a future based projection ), but logically if I truly let go of the story past/future there would be nothing to rewrite, if you see what I mean?!

Also, I was wondering if you had found yourself a guru to help you on your spiritual journey. I only ask as I'm considering the possibility so would be grateful if you'd share your experiences. (Also if anyone else reads this and has had the experience of searching for a guru I'd be interested to hear about it )

Cheers

 

Hi,
Perhaps not my best grammar. I intended to convey letting go of the day to day stories. As well as this stop or let go or revisiting those stories each day 9or several times a day).

My experience in revisiting things - even as far away as 20 years ago and going over and over them, takes me away from now and peace. I found spending some time looking at illusions helped me to come to the realisation about illusions. Optical illusions and many more helped bring up close the realisation that all that I see, hear, feel, etc., is not real. It is what I make it mean. This might also sound silly, but I have found that my physical posture also tends to mirror thought in some ways. If I look up more (as in looking into infinity) I come back to now. If I look at eye level or down, I go to other places.

I don't really have any one teacher. I am an avid reader/viewer and have a few close people who challenge me in my thinking and ways. And of course my daily meditative practice. A further context that grounds me is my deep listening practice by the water.

Don

 

Thanks for the response.

Ah, that's how I understood it, wasn't sure if I was missing a trick.

Sounds beautiful/peaceful. I am lucky enough to live near some amazing woodland scenery, walking through there can be a very freeing experience when I become conscious of the stories I'm running, step out of them, and simply notice what my senses are absorbing.

 

Hi Paul,

your question to Don "Why and what are you rewriting" got me thinking along with your question about looking for a spiritual guru. I hope my comments are relevant because I know we can read the same thing as others from a very different perspective

If I were asked why and what am I rewriting, I would answer, "my life story". Why? Because I want to make a difference. (I) chose to be here for a purpose. Along the way I forgot my purpose and became wrapped up in the circumstances of life happenings - I thought that was me. I now know that the way I perceived, judged and re-acted to everything created my closed minded perspective/opinion on stuff. As that is all it is, I no longer need to re-visit it.

Of course the tape recorder of the mind continues to play but mostly it plays new and more useful information (which I habitually input on a daily basis) that will help me to serve my purpose while I am here.

Meditation brought awareness to the power that thoughts had over me, the wisdom to know I have the choice to create new thoughts, access to creativity, new ideas and insight. Each day I connect to the greatest guru of all times.

I have much to learn, goals to reach and a balance in life to keep. One day at a time.

Hope this is relative and not straying from what Don wrote.

Thank you Don, I always enjoy your posts and wish you both much peace and joy

 

it is human nature to become too attached to things or people. And it can be very difficult to find out how to let go from these attachments even if we know that they are not good for us. The Buddha even went so far as saying that our addictive behaviour is the root of all suffering. That is indeed is a very strong. In this time you need to be very strong and have to overcome from this situation. As we all know that nothing is impossible.