...if I let it go!

[criticalmico]

Hi.
I started meditating very recently. Since the beginning, every meditation was followed by an overwhelming sense of body relaxation. And when I began using LifeFlow10 this sensation became stronger and stronger, but, like always, only after meditating.
Once the meditation was over, my body was extremely relaxed and that feeling came along with a slight sense of inner peace but I couldn't perceive a major effect on "my mental self". Neither during nor after meditation.

I always tried to do what I learned from Michael: to consider thoughts like passing clouds... "They just float over my head, then they gently go away and I gently refocus on my mantra". When my thoughts were passing by I didn't push them away but the problem is that I couldn't stop analysing them until they were gone.
All the time I knew one should let go, don't expect anything and accept whatever comes whilst meditating. I guess that kind of understanding definitely comes with practice and patience. I wasn't able to accept whatever comes until today.

It's like that game of confidence you play with a friend behind your back: You just start to fall backwards and trust that your friend will catch you! It felt exactly the same. I thought I didn't have trust issues in my life but I might have been wrong and I'm grateful because I can see it now in a renewed way.

The other side of the same coin is what I felt during this particular meditation.
This time I did it a little differently: I laid down confortably in my bed instead on siting on a chair. I wasn't tired at all, just wanted to give it a try.
I played LifeFlow10 in my earphones and started peacefully listening all the kinds of sounds that Michael perfectly engineered. You know... the water flowing in a constant rhythm and that shaded sound that wanders from one ear to the other...
I began breathing deeply and slowly a few times and then naturally started "saying" my mantra.
After about 10 minutes, when I understood I was able to let go and accept whatever was coming I totally forgot about saying the mantra and I entered a state of complete blankness during a few moments - a true gap. I can't tell if it was half second or 1 minute of existence in the abyss. I might have fallen asleep because I have complete amnesia of this particular moment. I might have gone to "The Other Side of the Moon" but I can't tell.

What's really distinctive though is that when I became aware of this I just felt my body was completely at rest on the outside but like in a state of rhytmic spasms unrealistically magnified on the inside - like a silent earthquake. I felt it everywhere: in my legs, arms, stomach, heart, jaws, head, eyes, eyelids and mainly in my mind.
Oddly, it had the same rhythm of the water flowing pattern I was hearing.

It might seem frightening when you say it out loud but it's one of the most impressive and greatest feelings I have experienced.
Anyway, as I became more and more aware of this state it started to gradually disappear. I absolutely didn't wan't to let go that feeling.

So I thought: "Maybe I can get it back if I let it go!"
That's what I did... and it worked! My friend caught me before I fell.

Thank you Michael and thank you All.

cm

[pollyanna]

Good for you!! I remember simply accepting whatever happened in the beginning would be right for me. I think when I read Michael's reports and understood myself so much more I just trusted his instructions and simply went with the flow. I have experienced many wonderful feelings of total peace now and for a long time the benefits have spilled over into my daily life. People who know me are amazed that nothing ever phases me anymore and how quickly I handle change. Life is tremendous and I'm so pleased for you. Happiness and joy

[twinkletoes]

Hi criticalmico
That was an interesting read. I began the lifeflow 10 yesterday and although doing well with the discover meditation I found this easier. I feel quite anxious when there is complete silence and always need some sort of white noise in the background. I too try to analyse too much but the silence brought me back to the stillness of the exam hall at school and the complete fear of failure that I felt at those moments. I've always felt that I had to prove myself and always compared to others who were achieving so much more, two years ago whilst studying a degree pathway I was picked up by a tutour who then did a paper on me for her degree and had me take the dyslexia and IQ tests, turns out I am dyslexic and have a very high IQ!
The lifeflow cd has the noises and I found that so very very calming. I found that the constant sound of water, the bird sounds and the chimes seemed to sit centrally in my forehead until the the soft whooshing sounds carried from left to right ear and back again. When the whoose sound reached my right ear the tricking water seemed to flow more to the right side of my forehead and then last pm mid way through I swapped the earpieces of my headphones around and the water seemed to flow to the left of my forehead when the whoosh appeared in my left ear, very bizarre and very intriguing but so deeply restful.
I suppose as we are all individual we all experience different things, either way I know that these downloads are a turning point in my recovery and I am indebted to Michael for such an amazing site.
Wishing you well on your journey
Gilli

[ctutt]

Thank You!

Just Letting Go is always the hard part. (For me, at least.) To just let go to the point I'm "hootless" is my goal. :-)