My very own success story...

Panthau · November 23rd, 2011, 23:50

Ok this is my very own success story. Its not directly related to LF, though LF helped to get rid of the stones on my way.

Im posting it here, and only here, because i always shared my most intimate moments here... guess its like a diary

Recently i visited a psychotherapist, because there was a very strong pattern which i followed quite a long time. I cheated (well, not really... i always told her about it) on my girlfriend several times, and we're together since about 12 years. The reason i did this, was not the need for sex (though i enjoyed that too, of course

), but a feeling, a very very strong desire. I had this desire already when i was a child, and i always projected it into woman. I wanted to love and to be loved. I was quite aware of the fact, that ill find this thing im searching for, rather inside me then in a woman. But i was always looking for the right woman, and it got easier and easier and the last woman was so stunning beautiful, that i thought wow, shes the one i was looking for. But this always lasted only for a few weeks, until i recognized that it was once again my projection.

I want to keep it short, but i guess thats not that easy... lol.

Well, i was at my psychotherapist and told her about it. I then got into this feeling with a technique and baamm, i was blown away...i was in a form of hypnosis. I saw the sad, broken phil, holding a piece of his heart in his hands. Then there was a bright star... like the sun. It was where i belonged to, the other part of my heart. Tears of joy... i asked it what is needed to reconnect, and it said "just your approval". It told me, that it was my wish to experience myself in this form. I felt clearly that fear was kind of necessary for this experience, it was like the border that seperated us (though i also felt that we were never really sepperated, it just felt that way). Through the years of meditation, i got rid of nearly 90% of all fears, and the rest doesnt bother me anymore. The little Phil was still standing there, totaly amazed and speechless, still with his piece of the heart in his hands. This sun was like an explosion of love, and i felt like iam this sun, and it felt like the whole world, the whole universe... so, this search for love was that, all the time. Not a woman.

Then it ended. And with that, i hope the old pattern too.

Maybe this story is inspiring for some, like other storys are for me.

Phil

GilesC · November 25th, 2011, 19:08

Originally Posted by Panthau

Ok this is my very own success story. Its not directly related to LF, though LF helped to get rid of the stones on my way.

Im posting it here, and only here, because i always shared my most intimate moments here... guess its like a diary

Only here? On the public internet that everyone can see LoL!

Recently i visited a psychotherapist, because there was a very strong pattern which i followed quite a long time. I cheated (well, not really... i always told her about it) on my girlfriend several times, and we're together since about 12 years. The reason i did this, was not the need for sex (though i enjoyed that too, of course

), but a feeling, a very very strong desire. I had this desire already when i was a child, and i always projected it into woman. I wanted to love and to be loved. I was quite aware of the fact, that ill find this thing im searching for, rather inside me then in a woman. But i was always looking for the right woman, and it got easier and easier and the last woman was so stunning beautiful, that i thought wow, shes the one i was looking for. But this always lasted only for a few weeks, until i recognized that it was once again my projection.

Lessons are learnt through experience.

I want to keep it short, but i guess thats not that easy... lol.

Well, i was at my psychotherapist and told her about it. I then got into this feeling with a technique and baamm, i was blown away...i was in a form of hypnosis. I saw the sad, broken phil, holding a piece of his heart in his hands. Then there was a bright star... like the sun. It was where i belonged to, the other part of my heart. Tears of joy... i asked it what is needed to reconnect, and it said "just your approval". It told me, that it was my wish to experience myself in this form. I felt clearly that fear was kind of necessary for this experience, it was like the border that seperated us (though i also felt that we were never really sepperated, it just felt that way). Through the years of meditation, i got rid of nearly 90% of all fears, and the rest doesnt bother me anymore. The little Phil was still standing there, totaly amazed and speechless, still with his piece of the heart in his hands. This sun was like an explosion of love, and i felt like iam this sun, and it felt like the whole world, the whole universe... so, this search for love was that, all the time. Not a woman.

Sounds like inner-child healing of some sort. Interesting.

Then it ended. And with that, i hope the old pattern too.

Maybe this story is inspiring for some, like other storys are for me.

We all have things that need healing and I'm sure this will be inspirational to others.

Thanks for sharing Pan

Hugs

Giles

Hazelkay · November 26th, 2011, 11:44

Heartwarming stuff Pan, a lovely post, will give inspiration to many, I am sure.
Always good to read your posts, the honesty and courage shine through.
peace and joy
H

Panthau · November 26th, 2011, 15:28

Thanks guys.

Yeah its visible for everyone... that visits these pages. But if he got here, then its okay for me

Originally Posted by GilesC

Sounds like inner-child healing of some sort. Interesting.

Yep! I was sure that its some missing love thing from my mother (she was rather a police officer then a mother), but my subconciousness didnt liked the idea. It lead me to this story... however, that seemed to work

Pavlina · November 26th, 2011, 22:48

Wow!!!!
Years of meditation, you are discovering yourself, this is a so beautiful what you shared with us.
Thank you very much
Pavlina

Panthau · November 27th, 2011, 19:32

Originally Posted by Pavlina

Wow!!!!
Years of meditation, you are discovering yourself, this is a so beautiful what you shared with us.
Thank you very much
Pavlina

Thank you for your kind words

iciek · November 28th, 2011, 10:23

Originally Posted by Panthau

I saw the sad, broken phil, holding a piece of his heart in his hands. Then there was a bright star... like the sun. It was where i belonged to, the other part of my heart. Tears of joy... i asked it what is needed to reconnect, and it said "just your approval". It told me, that it was my wish to experience myself in this form. I felt clearly that fear was kind of necessary for this experience, it was like the border that seperated us (though i also felt that we were never really sepperated, it just felt that way). Through the years of meditation, i got rid of nearly 90% of all fears, and the rest doesnt bother me anymore. The little Phil was still standing there, totaly amazed and speechless, still with his piece of the heart in his hands. This sun was like an explosion of love, and i felt like iam this sun, and it felt like the whole world, the whole universe... so, this search for love was that, all the time. Not a woman.

Maybe this story is inspiring for some, like other storys are for me.

Phil

I suspect this is what many are looking for (including myself). Thanks for sharing. It has given me hope of eventual success.

Panthau · November 28th, 2011, 16:37

Originally Posted by iciek

I suspect this is what many are looking for (including myself). Thanks for sharing. It has given me hope of eventual success.

Im glad my story inspired you! I believe its something our daily conciousness doesnt decide, but rather our subconciousness... like we decided to play a bit here on this planet, and when its time, we reunite (well, step for step). Like my subconciousness told me... i can reunite anytime, i just have to say that i want to... but its not my little ego that decides this, i guess.

Midnight · December 2nd, 2011, 03:35

Wow, Pan, nice to see you've let go. I've read a lot of your posts over the past year or so, and have seen you improve all the time. This was a good read, happy for you

pollyanna · December 2nd, 2011, 11:52

Dear Pan, I am so very happy for you. I remember when you joined the community with your picture of a little boy in what looked to me like a hooded dressing gown. The little boy had a finger to his mouth which suggested "shhhhhhh". This always made me feel a deep sadness for you.

Over the years, I have joyfully witnessed you becoming a happier person and enjoyed your posts about your own son and family

It's a wonderful thing to see someone letting go of hampering baggage - wow, you're still young and can now really enjoy your life. I'm sure what you have learned will also be of great benefit to your own son.

I wish you an abundance of love, peace and joy on your amazing journey of self discovery