Curing depression problem through inner core and meditation

[stefanabovetheview]

A little longer than a month ago, i started meditating, started enyoying life a lot and my motivation was extremely high, I even did a lot of progress in my hobbies and felt like that point of my life i was happier than ever. Recently depression slowly hit me. I now most of the time feel unmotivated and like my life is shit. Although i still smile a lot, deep inside me i dont feel really happy and my lack of motivation is killing me, even my meditation has gone worse.
I want to know how can i mediate to find my inner core (if you know what i mean) and get rid of the depression to live an amazing life again, and to enjoy every moment of it once again, removing the regretfull thoughts and thoughts of a boring life.
I somehow feel like im living my life with an illusion of happiness, when deep inside my i know im depressed.I also think that evidence of this depression is that when i get high, i feel even more depressed and admit it to myself. And weed basicly makes you happier if your happy, and sadder if your sad.
Can anyone tell me about their experiences and how they got rid of the bad thoughts?

[Midnight]

Stefan,

Glad to hear the meditation was working for you, at least at some point. But I think you're falling into a trap like most people do at some stage of their progress. Most people have the expectation that meditation will always have increasing positive effects. And it does, but this same thinking can fool you into believing that if anything doesn't go the way you planned for a second, something is wrong and needs to be fixed.

The depression that is hitting you is probably a result of feelings in the past that you never let yourself experience coming back up. This is supposed to happen. It's part of the clearing process. The best thing you can do is to let it happen. There's no need to fight it, or question it, or try to make it go away because it will fade on its own, much sooner than you might believe. The only thing you should do is watch out for your mind resisting it when you're not aware. Your mind has been so used to resisting feelings for so long, that it will fall back into resistance when you don't realize it in the beginning. As long as you keep up awareness to this (and be thankful instead of angry when you realize you were resisting) it will become second nature to just let emotions happen.

Experience what you are feeling as it is. All the emotion wants is to be felt, and then it leaves for good.

[Panthau]

Couldnt have explained it better

[stefanabovetheview]

Originally Posted by Midnight

Stefan,

Glad to hear the meditation was working for you, at least at some point. But I think you're falling into a trap like most people do at some stage of their progress. Most people have the expectation that meditation will always have increasing positive effects. And it does, but this same thinking can fool you into believing that if anything doesn't go the way you planned for a second, something is wrong and needs to be fixed.

The depression that is hitting you is probably a result of feelings in the past that you never let yourself experience coming back up. This is supposed to happen. It's part of the clearing process. The best thing you can do is to let it happen. There's no need to fight it, or question it, or try to make it go away because it will fade on its own, much sooner than you might believe. The only thing you should do is watch out for your mind resisting it when you're not aware. Your mind has been so used to resisting feelings for so long, that it will fall back into resistance when you don't realize it in the beginning. As long as you keep up awareness to this (and be thankful instead of angry when you realize you were resisting) it will become second nature to just let emotions happen.

Experience what you are feeling as it is. All the emotion wants is to be felt, and then it leaves for good.

You gentleman, are a wise man.
Thanks a lot, great post. I already started feeling better in the middle of the day and im just done with a meditating session, and feel calm and peaceful
I guess ill just have to accept my emotions.

[Midnight]

Thanks Pan

Glad to be of help, Stefan.

[olmate]

Hi Stefan,

It is possible as you continue your meditation practice that it may be akin to a walk down a boulevard. A whole spectrum of emotions and feelings and experiences may surface as you journey down the street.

The place where the black dog lives is one many have visited along this journey - sometimes many times. It is important in my experience not to try and make it right or wrong. Perhaps try to keep an open mind and notice it as "just is" and be curious and notice all of its dimensions.

But also be aware, that this won't be the only challenge or experience as you walk the street. The whole spectrum of emotions and feelings at some stage bubble up to the surface.

But as many who visit this forum will tell you, the walk is very much worth it.

Nothing but the best...

Olmate.

[yesrod]

I have found that when I identify with depression it becomes stronger. You can not own depression. The cost is too high. Depression is just a visitor. We need not let the visitor in.

As your meditation grows your awareness grows. Through this awareness you will see many truths about yourself and other people. It can look good and it can look ugly. Do not be concerned about either. Non identification is the key. I am not depression and depression isn't me.
Thanks
Yesrod

[Edwin]

In addition to Midnights excellent post, a lot of feelings are caused by expectation as well.

If for instance a meditation session goes really well, and you come out feeling completely rejuvinated and full of joy, and the next day your mind stays busy and you just can't seem to relax, we would soon see a post in this forum saying something like "I just can't seem to repeat that wonderfull session, how can I return to there ? " There are even people known to get a depression after such a session, because they feel that they are being denied the joy of that meditation session.

Point is, that every day, every moment is unique, never happened before, will never happen again. History has never repeated itself, sometimes things happened almost the same, but it never is a copy-paste.

Drop the expectations, just meditate with the goal of meditation, not "a good meditation session".
If the results of the session are positive in the short run, fine, that is a beautiful gift, enjoy it while it lasts.
The meditation sessions that feel bad may be bad in the short run, but they are hugely benificial in the long run. You may not know it, but if you keep on meditating for a year or longer, every day, your life will change for the better, even if you had a year full of negative meditation experiences.

So basically, keep up the good work

Oh, I noticed you mentioned weed, please try to only meditate when completely sober. Feel free to do whatever you want after your session, just never meditate on drugs or alcohol. Your meditation sessions will be much more beneficial.

[stefanabovetheview]

Wow the more I read about meditation [and your posts] the more i start to understand all this clearly.
Yes i always try my best to meditate sober, i usually smoke just after i meditate:P

[yesrod]

My ego wants to identify with depression. It thinks without depression there will be no me. Be aware of this state and watch it's fake existence.

“Aim to understand the dragon, not defeat him; to understand the dragon is his defeat.”
Vernon Howard

Thanks
Yesrod