Doubts

[jiabe]

Hi, I have some questions to some of the more seasonable users. I've been using Lifeflow since October, and brainwave entrainment since May. I've had two experiences where things that bothered me have surfaced and melted away (with a following serontonin rush).
Love, Ji.

[brozen]

Hi Jia,
First of all, don't worry; you do not come across as whiny at all. You are simply explaining your life situation. And while the situation you have described has it's ups and downs, remember that there is ALWAYS the potential for things to become 'calm'.
I can't comment on whether or not to take anti-anx meds, I'd leave that up to a doctor. But hopefully the option remains to discuss and explore alternatives.

But I can't stress enough the infinite possibility of things becoming 'normal'. Unfortunately "Normal" is probably not the best word to use, because it is kind of subjective. No two people experience the same reality. So there is no real definition of 'normal'. To be honest, whatever reality a person experiences is completely normal, no matter what it is like.

So since there is no worry in striving to reach any kind of 'normalness', I've found I rather enjoy the analogy of life being 'turbulent' or 'calm'. Something that everyone experiences to varying degrees.
Imagine life like a pool of water. One moment the water can be rippling and choppy, then the next moment it is still. In this way there is ALWAYS the potential for life to return to the calm state. And remember, it takes much less energy for the water to be still, than for it to be choppy. Which is kind of what meditation tries to achieve. Just to let the mind slow down. It's common for the mind to be in a state of flurry where it is constantly active and stirring itself up. But this absolutely has the potential to slow down. There is no 'ONE method to rule them all', which achieves this. Just do what works for you. Go through life and let your mind do it's thing. You'll experience the calms and the turbulence, naturally.
Notice the state of your mind when it is wild and active, then how it is when it is calm.
Just enjoy these calm times. The more you enjoy the calm times, the more calm you will experience. Accept that the turbulent times may come up again, but there will always be a calm to follow.

Anyway I think I may have got carried away with that last paragraph. I hope I haven't rambled on, and you are able to derive some meaning from my words haha.

But to sum it up, I really do wish you the best in life, and I KNOW that things are always able to get better. There's never a reason to have any doubt in that. It may feel doubtful sometimes, but remember that is just a thought created by the mind during its more turbulent times. Nothing to take seriously, just another part of the turbulent state that you can take note of.

Btw, the turbulent and calm analogy is just a handy analogy. Another thing not to take too seriously, you may have a different way of seeing things and that's absolutely fine. No one is right or wrong.

I hope I responded to your queries the best I could. There is a good community on this forum and lots of helpful people, who I'm sure will offer some of their own insights.
Anyway, I'll stop writing so you can stop reading, haha.

Hope you are having a enjoyable start to the year,
Might hear from you again on this forum

Peace.
Bro

[jiabe]

I would really like to thank you Brozen, for your thoughtful reply.
This was probably what I needed.

You see, I dont believe you got carried away, because I do so too..
I like your analogy about the water being still. Eventhough I would prefer the turbulent being external, rather than within my mind. I'm probably yearning too much back to a time when I was stressfree, and that's adding it all up to a bundle of negative energy.. I'm also wishing back to the moment where "I" was in charge in meditation, how easy it was letting go, how good it felt, and at ease I felt. There is no words describing it.

Maybe it will happen again, maybe not. It's hard not wishing for it. But this takes time, and I realise I'm on a journey, not on a bus stop. So I'm not counting days anymore (most of the time).

Thanks again, Love Ji.

[olmate]

Hey Jia,

I have been meditating for a while now and a couple of years with Lifeflow.

In my experience, daily meditation practice is very useful in that it helps me connect and see. It by no means promises a quick fix to all of life's problems - real or perceived. But what I have found is that it has helped be dramatically "connect".

As part of my life practice, I find that being connected is very important and seems to have a direct bearing on what goes on in my life. I like to describe "connection" as standing in the field of energy so that things flow through me. I find when I am not standing in that field that stuff tends to happen, my thoughts are negative and that is what manifests.

So as part of my life practice that works well for me is to be aware of the negative thoughts. I use them as sign posts. I notice them, do not judge them and take them to mean that for whatever reason I am out of the energy field. I visualise them as jellyfish floating on by. I acknowledge them, smile at them and wave to them as they float away.

I turn my attention to what I resonate with, am passionate about and feel most positive. This takes me back to where the energy flows through me - back to where the universe wants me, where I want to be, where I connect.

In my experience it has taken lots of practice and precision - but that is just me. I am not suggesting that this is right for you, but thought I would just share my experiences with you.

I am sure as you walk around these issues, you will see what is best for you. Take care,

olmate

[Panthau]

Some good replys here, nothing more to add then to wish you all the best on your way.

[jiabe]

Thanks Panthau, I really appresciate it.

Love, Ji.

[Mr Monkey]

Originally Posted by jiabe

I notice how much less of an effect the negative thoughts has on me now.

Pleased to hear it. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) would be worth looking at to help you deal with your thoughts; it may (or may not) be worth checking out stuff on OCD if the thoughts aren’t nice. Also a good practice that meditation helps with is to appreciate you’re not your thoughts, you can observe them and to a large extent ignore or dismiss them, but I appreciate they sure can be a pain in the *&^%

Originally Posted by jiabe

One of the reasons I was feeling so blue is because I met a guy, and I really liked him. He was warm, kind and genuin. And, he really liked me. But, I could not go into a relationship with him, because that would be really shelfish of me, as I didn't want to inflict my problems and illness on him. I would be taking more than I could give..

Just a thought but it sounds like your making this guy’s mind up for him…. I thought I'd throw in a change of perspective, so perhaps he’s willing to be compassionate to your current situation? How would you feel if the tables were turned? Would you feel that he is selfish for needing some help and support for a while? Also you’d be taking in some ways but giving to him in others ways you don’t appreciate?

All I’m getting at is that it seems your making a decision based on your own assumptions, rather than through conversation with the person to find out what they really think/feel. Why not speak openly/honestly with him? If he says it would be too much for him unfortunately that’s the way life goes sometimes but it won’t have made your situation worse. The alternative is that you both end up much happier than you currently are.

Originally Posted by jiabe

Maybe one day in the future I can connect with someone again, but right now I'm not ready.

Having said that above, if you are not ready, I can fully appreciate that and simply wish you a speedy return to a place when you are .

[Mr Monkey]

Hey Jia,

Ah, it would seem I misunderstood the situation , I thought you were currently in contact with the guy but it seems from what you’ve said the time isn’t right now anyway.

Actually another thought popped into my head when reading this post which I thought I’d share, I hope it comes across in the right way. The thought was that perhaps you might find things easier if, for now, you let go of wishing you were the person you were in the past (I know easier said than done) and also try to accept that now is not the time to pursue this guy. This may sound odd, but accepting things as they are and not resisting your current circumstances can be a source of peace. This is not to say things can’t change going forwards, but at any given moment, for all of us, “what is, is” or “things are as they are” – no matter how much we which it wasn’t in some cases.

I’ve found (and still find) Eckhart Tolle a very worthwhile listen, I can’t say I’ve experienced “great peace” or had a “realization” myself (others on the forum apparently have though), but I find most of what he says about attachment to ‘the NOW’, past and future a helpful guide/reminder, especially when things are turbulent in my life. I find a lot of what he says allows me to put some space between my emotions, my mind and my ‘observing self’. He may float your boat, he may not, but I’d suggest he’s worth a listen (some good stuff on youtube, <click here>) and a few small snippets on this very forum <click here>.

Do stay positive, even if you can’t return to the forces (as far as I’ve seen from your posts) there is no reason why, in time, you can’t again travel, jump out of airplanes, be carefree and potentially much, much more. It’ll probably help you more to pull towards what you want in the future rather than dwelling on and making yourself feel bad about the past.

I'm not trying to minimize the tough times your experiencing, but hang in there, keep taking steps forward and you’ll get to somewhere better sooner than you think. Finally, when things are really tough, remember you've got a mum that cares, that counts for a lot

Cheers, Paul

[Mr Monkey]

Originally Posted by jiabe

So if somethings doesn't apply or work for me, I'm not gonna use it

Absolutely the best way!

Originally Posted by jiabe

I've read "Power of now" and I did feel a connection with it. I think I'm a little bit scared and withdrawn when it comes to the spiritual part of it all. I need to take baby steps, but I definetly agree with you..

Well for what it counts I was a total cynic! . It took me a long time to even consider picking up the ‘power of now’, I thought all religion was a bit dodgy (and I thought TPON was a religious book ). Slowly over time my perception has changed, and whilst I am still not a religious person I can now appreciate the good intentions of religion. At some point you may feel like dipping your toe in again, perhaps not, no biggy either way.

Originally Posted by jiabe

The now is what counts, not the past.. It's just easier said than done. And letting go, that's probably why we are all here

I couldn’t agree more, for me it’s water shaping stone in a riverbed…. a slow gradual process. It’s an interesting thing as to what drives people to start looking at meditation/spirituality etc, but whatever it is I guess ‘letting go’ and ‘finding a deeper connection’ are certainly likely entries at the top of their wish list.

Originally Posted by jiabe

it will take time to get where life is unperfect in a perfect way again

I think I do, I get the impression from this you like being carefree, it lets you feel perfect even when things aren’t (If I’m right, that sounds a nice place to be ).

Originally Posted by jiabe

About the guy, you were right, I am still in contact with him, and we've met before Christmas.. But we've known each other from years ago. I probably messed that point up a bit. I'll think about it.. Maybe I'll get the courage to meet him and tell him my story.

Well, without wishing to get all Yoda about it, I’d say ‘just listen to your feelings’ – you’ll know if you’re ready to give it a go. In the meantime though, be nice to yourself and remember you’ve had a rough ride that anyone would find difficult, but also remember you’ve already made progress too .

Be well ,
Paul

[jiabe]

Paul, you're awesome we'll catch up soon.