Im 20 and feel awesome. But this is my story
I didnt understand what i was going through until lately
When i was 13 i was drinking every weekend with my friends, this time was my dream, every girl was after me, and i lost my virginity, for the 2,5 year this went on i was so popular in every sence, i loved this everyone was my friends, i had a girlfriend who was a model, woke up with girls completely naked i wanted this to go on for the rest of my life, my friends was "DJs" and i had older friends and they even had respect for me. i wasnt socially nervous, mainly because i was really good at football and playing it outside the club, my mom could bring me weed and i was just happy 24/7 and never greedy, life was seriously awesome and i am the most happy guy you will ever experience
i knew i could be ANYTHING in my life and it had just startet, and i was good at school aswell, and NEVER skipped school once
So i was at a party, i didnt remember ANYTHING from it, i woke at the hospital and they said my friends had left me on a bench my Foster family said, they also said they needed to know who i was drinking with; and i said it (you are not supposed to drink at that age) so it was like telling on people, so they got pretty mad at me, i stoppet drinking and well felt a bit depressed aswell i guess.
So i needed some new friends and not these fancy friends that i used to be the gang leader of hah, or atleast the happyest and the head of the group.
Now i saw these guys from my class that was out smoking cigarettes outside the school, i used to yell at these guys that cigarettes were bad, i HATED cigarettes trust me! i startet having this new friend that showed me how to smoke cigarettes, and take off from school and play football just outside the class while the others had hour, I think i took off 75% of 9th grade
i startet to develop this anger to my old BEST friend that i used to drink with and play football with etc, he startet to ignore me, and i felt that he had all the friends in the world while i only had 1, the guy that teached me to smoke cigarettes and take of from school, and play World of Warcraft.
The thing is my old friends was looking down at these guys, totally. and now i was part of a 2 man group, that wasnt even attending at school most of the guys that was smoking cigarettes in my class is now smoking hashish every day or taking harder drugs, non of my old friends has ever gone that far, and they have education and so on.
then i startet to get more and more socially ankward, i felt like just going out to play football in the breaks, i felt totally anxious to the cool guys.
from i was 16 in primary school i startet to feel this nervous shakings when i was presenting something in front of the class I did NOT have this before, this time, i just felt so nervous 24/7 just sitting in class for no reason.
I havent still been able to dream about education, cause i knew i was gonna take college in my teens, but that dream had gone more and more down.
So i just took some IT/carpenter etc education, i knew i was smarter Heh. i dont know, the last 4 years of education has just been wasted, and i have been depressed cause of this social anxiety.
The next few years i had more and more of these symptoms, mostly in groups, or just sitting in class, i startet having these friends that tried drugs like SALVIA, HASHISH, Shrooms, and i KNEW the next step was gonna be cocaine or drinking every day, or feeling
Now! i dont know if it was the cigarettes i startet to smoke OR world of warcraft that ruined my years (wouldent say ruined cause i learned a LOT)
Then i found out about meditation about 9 months ago, i had this "burden, or well my head was hurting a lot" like i was depressed about my life, i tried to meditate, because you could open your third eye or astral eye or pineal gland.
I tried to do this, i felt this sensation of LOVE pure LOVE in my self YOU HAVE TO TRY THIS IF YOU ARE ANXIOUS ABOUT ANYTHING,
i felt i was inside my self and i was going up my throat up to my head, as soon as i went up to my head i felt this AMAZING sensation like i was EXPANDING my consciousness and i was, i had this tingeling sensation like my head was expanding for days.
Everything was wavy after this meditation, when i looked around i could see this wavy feeling, but i was so happy you dont understand it!
when i went to sleep i could see stuff that scared me with my eyes closed, like illuminati, clowns that looked at me laughing with blood and so on, i could see it inside my head it was pictures, fast forward pictures of everything i was scared of in this life, just repeating it self maybe one picture every 0,1 sec that i could just exactly Recognize with forms and colors(I think this is a way to reset your consciousness so dont be scared you have to go through this)
And after that i felt this sensation, i had to break up with my friends, live the life, i startet to have dreams of making money, i had to take carpenter education done this year, because college is done, and you can still party and do the same
i had to make myself worth something in a way i had to get away from my old habbits! this went on for about 3 days.
Since this day i have only had a few pictures when i closed my eyes, like geometry forming in my head, etc.
I can also look up old memories and basicly say to my memories if im depressed about something i can visualize it like im standing there in person like i was when i saw these memories and say something like "Thats just the way it is" a though about deleting that thought is awesome, it can be just a feeling about it that trickers it
and be happy instead of being negative and get off this feeling you have in your head when you are depressed, like you dont wanna do anything heh.
You might think im crazy but i was amazed that these things are real, I never believed in any religion neither will i, but this is TRUE sacred to control your emotions.
I still need to quit smoking cigarettes. But my life feels perfect, it just feels good, i can probably delete that thing about i want to quit smoking so badly aswell, but nah :P its not controling my life anymore
I can tell you for real I AM not scared of ANYTHING at all, when i am off the cigarettes. still i smoke? Yes, im actually afraid of not Feeling the same way that im feeling right now, i feel like my life is perfect and i love my life
I tried to astral project aswell cause i heard about that being real, it might be since this other shet was real? so i tried to do it, i felt numb but cannot get to the point where im actually leaving my body, mainly because i start to move hah.
but now i tend to believe this stuff
Also another thing if you are afraid of religion step out of it, i was afraid of both god and SATAN judging me demons ghost whatever you name it IT DOES NOT HELP YOU, i respect the opinion if it may help you, but i had to STEP OUT to get to the point im at today. We have more meaning than to believe in this.
Today i FEEL like a god i feel like i Created YOU and YOU created ME, that our minds can go further and expand more.
I found that to be insanely crazy before i could sense my mind, but if that is real why wouldent astral projection/out of body experience be real??
you never know.
So these years i have learned that i will NEVER be the same person again, i have learned what most people that have stress and so on CRAVE to figure out, its only 4 years of my life
My mommy calls me a buddhist wich i am not, i believe in reality, but humans in my mind dont know enough about reality.
My love story from social anxious to supernatural
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