Originally Posted by nocturne93
Hello everyone! I began to have interest in meditation over a year ago after I had a few mystical experiences. Over the past year, I feel like I have made much progress in my meditation practice, but I feel like I'm still very confused on one thing. Ultimately, I feel like I have made the separation between myself and my thoughts and emotions. Instead of helping me out, I feel like I have led to myself to more confusion. If I'm just a spectator of my thoughts and emotions how can I be happy? Happiness is an emotion so if I'm detaching myself from my emotions how can I be happy?
My main problem with mindfulness is I don't know exactly how to make use of it. I can be aware of my emotions and feelings, but this awareness has led my into a little bit of an identity crisis. Am I supposed to consciously create my own emotions and feelings, or am I supposed to just simply watch them and "jump in" when I get an emotion I like. The increased awareness that I have procured over the last year has helped me out in some ways and has confused me in others. Of course, I feel that I always was very identified with my thoughts and feelings so this confusion seems to be natural for me. Thank you, and I hope someone out there can help guide me out of my confusion.
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Meditation and mindfulness isn't really going to make you happy. You have created a mental image of what you believe what your happiness should be, and because it is not, you are resisting the reality that is. When you describe consciously creating your own emotions and feelings, this also points towards suffering as you are attached to what you are creating, and when reality isn't what you created in your head you suffer because of what you are attached to in your head that you created.
For me, in my experience in meditation and buddhism (which I really don't pretend to know even the tip of the iceberg!) I think that the following represents my current understanding.
Meditation and mindfulness (which I interpret as being fully present in what you are doing; if you are folding laundry, fold the laundry. Don't fold the laundry and think about what to make for supper, what to wear tomorrow, what you want to buy etc..) is used to first create space from the thoughts and emotions that are generated from what we learned and perceived throughout our life. Once we can create space and see these thoughts and emotions for what they are, we can choose to give them energy or just observe them and let them go with no attachment to them. Not to say you should never be angry or sad or happy, but allow those feelings to be present with dignity and accept that they are there fully. You choose how to react or not react to them. The only thing that you can count on is that these thoughts and feelings will change, just like all things in life that are not in your control. Don't jump on to an enjoyable feeling like you described, enjoy it fully for being there, just like trying to avoid bad feelings. Appreciate them for being there, accept them fully and turn all mishaps into the path!
Sorry for the verbal diarrhoea, I hope I articulated myself properly and it made some sense. Feel free anybody to add further insight or comment on my insight.
Mindfullness Confusion
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