Should I give up?

[samsaraspath]

Is it possible that some people just can't meditate? Is it possible that meditation can cause damage or other problems?

I ask because I can't seem to do it. I can't quiet my mind. As near as I can tell I am more arguementative, more agressive, and more filled with hate for God/universe/existance than before I began.

Every time I re-try is worse than the last. I'm just getting more and more frustrated, discouraged, and extremely hard on myself.

Should I give up?

[pollyanna]

Originally Posted by samsaraspath

Is it possible that some people just can't meditate? Is it possible that meditation can cause damage or other problems?

I ask because I can't seem to do it. I can't quiet my mind. As near as I can tell I am more arguementative, more agressive, and more filled with hate for God/universe/existance than before I began.

Every time I re-try is worse than the last. I'm just getting more and more frustrated, discouraged, and extremely hard on myself.

Should I give up?

Hi Sam,

there is nothing more natural and healthy than resting a little each day in the quiet within. That being said, I can see how frustrating it must be for you not to be able to go beyond your busy mind.

Being more argumentative and agressive sounds like you are resisting supressed emotions that are coming up to be released. It may help to re-read a previous thread where some great advice has been given. Here is the link:-

Can't start due to extreme anxiety

There is a quiet place within each of us, I hope you find yours very soon - please let us know how you get on and I wish you much peace and joy

[samsaraspath]

... It's my thread.

I haven't tried lifeflow. I want to just have quiet in my head. Turning it on just makes it that much busier in my head.... 'cause then I'm mad that this noise is keeping me from focusing on my breathing.

All of these things that people speak of here and other sites, such as "surround yourself with beauty" (flowers, mountains, women... stinky plants, rocks, I-have-to-leave-this-blank), compassion for all (nope - can't do it. there's more than a few I'd kill if it wasn't for law-enforcement - and the vast majority of the rest are just wasting good air), loving yourself (what? how the hell do you do that? you obviously haven't met me, have you?), etc., etc. I just don't get it.

I'm begining to think I may be incapable of feeling these emotions.

It's not a pretty flower. I've never once in my life seen a pretty flower. They don't exist.

[Panthau]

Some call this a depression. The absence and inability to feel positive emotions.

Depression is caused by supressing emotions. Now when you start meditating, you have to face those surpressed emotions (not all at the same time of course). Your mind resists to feel all this garbage and goes crazy.

The mind is just a machine. Its up to you which way you want to feed it.

Atb,
Pan

[Mr Monkey]

Originally Posted by Panthau

The mind is just a machine.

Absolutely, actually the data processing mantra of "if you put cr*p in you can only ever get cr*p out" comes to mind (thats not what I use for meditation )

Originally Posted by Panthau

Its up to you which way you want to feed it.

Whilst on the whole I agree, I find a fair amount of the time my negative reactions and/or behaviours are generated via autopilot. In essence I need to have awareness that I'm feeding it rubbish before I can start to feed it well.

[Panthau]

Originally Posted by Mr Monkey

Absolutely, actually the data processing mantra of "if you put cr*p in you can only ever get cr*p out" comes to mind (thats not what I use for meditation )



Whilst on the whole I agree, I find a fair amount of the time my negative reactions and/or behaviours are generated via autopilot. In essence I need to have awareness that I'm feeding it rubbish before I can start to feed it well.

Thats true, thats why i wrote about it. The first time i watched my thoughts, i was surprised how negative and violent they were, and before that i actually didnt even knew that i was thinking those things... lol

[Mr Monkey]

Originally Posted by Panthau

i was surprised how negative and violent they were, and before that i actually didnt even knew that i was thinking those things... lol

I know what you saying, I was surprised (and still get surprised) with some of the stuff my mind churns out!

Originally Posted by samsaraspath

I ask because I can't seem to do it. I can't quiet my mind. As near as I can tell I am more arguementative, more agressive, and more filled with hate for God/universe/existance than before I began.

I have assumed you downloaded and run through the free mantra based course on this website? If not I suggest you do that, it’s free, no strings attached and clearly explains what you need to do.

Also accept your mind won’t always be quiet during meditation (I think Michael uses a cloud analogy in the downloaded course), most of the time meditation is just observing your mind doing what it wants without getting caught up in it. So I wouldn’t set your aim to be “experience total peace” when meditating, that’s unrealistic when you’re starting out (and even for pretty seasoned meditators). You say things “get worse”, but realistically that is to be expected, you’re taking away normal daily distractions (TV, food, conversations, books etc) and giving your mind your full attention.

As Pan mentions above and you’ve already experienced, your mind will throw out some surprising and at times quite unpleasant things, but the trick is to just accept it, don’t worry about it and let it drift by. Your mind is generating cra**y thoughts, so what? Let it and just watch them, they are transient. If one gets stuck in your head, let it stay there, no big deal – just maintain your mantra, this will stop you being absorbed into the thoughts. Also, you WILL get caught up in thoughts, probably quite a lot to start with, but again it’s no big deal, just start with your mantra again and start observing again.

So rather than put an expectation of “feeling peace” or “feeling calmness” on every mediation session; just make it your objective to simply notice every thought that passes through your awareness, without reacting to them, because that is the start of the process. In a sense meditation is simply noticing the gaps between your thoughts (the gaps tend to get larger the more you meditate), so the starting point is to just notice you’re thoughts in the first place.

[samsaraspath]

Thanks.

My "problem" with this - and evrything else I struggle against - is lack of patience; frustration with seemingly little (in this case, and a few others seemingly back-wards) progress, and a deep-seated conviction that I must be "doing it wrong" or "too stupid to get it right" or "this is BS, wishful thinking."

Since I started discourse with Olmate, Mr. Monkey, Giles, and a couple others on the "resistance" thread I re-downloaded lifeflow. Just now (with your post) I remembered that I did so, and will begin running through it whilst keeping a better attitude about it.

With any luck, I'll be a bit better able to try taking "busier mind" as actual progress, rather than wondering why this stuff makes me worse and everyone else better.

[Mr Monkey]

No worries.

Reading your post I just wanted to clarify that you can download from the site:
A free mediation course >>click here to download<<
A free lifeflow sample (lifeflow is a brain entrainment product that aids mediation, which is sold by the company that host this site, Project Mediation). >>click here to download<<

If as you say you’ve downloaded lifeflow, you won’t get any instruction on how to mediate, just the brain entrainment. If I was you I’d leave that for now and do the mediation course.

[samsaraspath]

K. I'll give that a go, Mr. Monkey.

Thanks.