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October 13th, 2009, 18:31
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#1 (permalink)
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Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 2
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Making it work
Hey all, I was wondering if anyone had a cheek bit of advice for me.
I want this, I want to make this, everything, work more than anything else. I know that right now in my life I have been given this wonderful gift which is my current situation, and I have been given it so that I can get my s*!t together, get my head together, more than anything get my energy aligned with where it needs to be.
Right now I have just moved to Brighton with 3 other people that I don't really know or necessarily get on with (the person who is so so much more than just a best friend of mine was first intended to come but then it all got messed up and now is staying there which now makes perfect sense to me. This is my time, my dojo). I am on benefits (for the time being, don't worry I don't intend on being a benefits monster, now is just too perfect for me to gather myself together, and make myself into the person I can be and ultimately give something back), I have so much free time to meditate, practice my speed reading which is intended on becoming my trade, and just generally be happy, be for filled.
I see so much potential inside of me, I can feel it, it comes out to an extent on regular occasions. But I can also feel so much working against that. So many habits, beliefs, outside influences that overpower my creative desires. Its like i've got so much water running against me when im swimming upstream, and its hard, like really hard to keep swimming. And I feel like every time I let it slip, I get stoned, or I get depressed and want it too much and too soon, or I just simply don't live consciously I feel like im swept back to where I started and im not making any real long term progress at all.
And the weird thing is that I know, like I really know what to do, for the most part anyway. I know that to get what I desire I must stay thankful, stay hopeful, live in the idea of how incredible my desires are, simply that, live in awe of them while at the same time be in awe of the present moment. I know that the feeling that I slip into onto occasion where I feel so free, so creative, genuinely connected to true genius, I know that that comes from a feeling of deep knowing, of unconditional love for the self, of seeing only the beauty in everyone and everything. I even know how to get there, that it will take so much dedication and time, that it is enevetable that is the only place I will arrive for it is tha only direction im heading. However I loose my way so much, I live with people who for the most part not only subtly laugh at the idea of my beliefs, but also at everything that they believe is different or should I say 'worse' than them. And I try to see the beauty in this situation, and at times I honestly do, because I know that when I learn to swim up this stream I will be stronger than I could ever imagine. But like the case with everything I have mentioned, the difference between theory and practice is becoming more and more imminent, constant practice is hard.
I meditate, but I don't do so deeply, I live consciously, but I don't do so constantly. I am willing to do anything and everything to make this work, like big time, this is the time in my life when it is right for it I can feel it. This is my dojo. I don't even know why im writing this if im honest, maybe im looking for techniques for deeper meditation, healthier and truer living, exercises or places to go. Or maybe even a little support or some guidance telling me that I'm heading in the right direction. Whatever it is I thank you from as deep as I can feel as this is everything to me, spirituality I genuinely believe is everything, and I know I have the potential destiny to become my full self, to teach, to live, to inspire, just as anyone does. Its just down to me whether I make that happen or not.
Ps with the smoking of the marajuiaanna, I know that is working against me and I am in the process of cutting down to something realistic that is going to help me. Once a month or so compared to at times once a day at least.
p.p.s sorry this message is so long 
p.p.p.s I love you |
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October 14th, 2009, 19:39
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#2 (permalink)
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Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: California, US
Posts: 41
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Hello KlassicJazz. Let me try and she some light on this. I know initially you want it so bad. You want everything to work. You want your dreams to come true. You want to be succesfull. You want want want which is normal in the beginning. I have been using and practicing the Law of Attraction since June this year and some pretty remarkable things have happened.
It sounds like you want everything so much and your are waiting for it to manifest outside in your life so you can be happy. From what I gather the way you are going about practicing the LOA is reversed. You want something. The feeling of wanting something will bring nothing more than continued wanting. This is normal in the beginning. Try this. For about 20-30 minutes a day sit back and imagine the life you want. Imagine everything so clearly and feel it. Any senses you can feel while your imagining will help develop a clearer picture. When you're imagining this lifestyle you are not wanting it, your are actually feeling it and living it now. Your subconscious can't tell what is real or not. This is where you true power is...it lies within the subconscious. After about a half an hour take a deep breath and throughout the day think about what you are grateful for. Don't think about wanting but if you can't help it and you find yourself focusing on wanting your goals, close your eyes and imagine again that you have it. Daydream about it. But don't stress out on how it is going to manifest or why it is taking so long.
You may be trying too hard. Just relaxe and everything will be shown to you. Everything that is necessary will show up. Don't get caught up in the mental dialogue of "am I supposed to do it this way", "what can I do", "am I doing everything right". The main focus in the LOA is to feel good now.
This is what I do.
-Meditation 20-30 minutes
When I meditate I don't try to do anything or try to silence my mind or anything. I just sit there and listen to whats going on in my head. Many people approach meditation differently. To me the silence I seek is not not having any word in my mind but empowering the watcher. When you watch your thoughts you become familiar to the watcher. The more you do this the watcher becomes more apparent. The silence I feel is the gap between the watcher and my thoughts. When you watch your thoughts naturally your mind also becomes a tad bit quieter which feels great. But even when your mind is racing you want to feel that silence. That silence is the gap between the thoughts and the real you. Again I want to stress this alot...don't try too hard. Just sit there and listen to your thoughts. Everything else will come. Yes you will hear thoughts like, "this is stupid", "what the hell am I doing", "why am I listening to my thoughts, my thoughts are me". Just listen. That's all.
-Visualization 20-30 Minutes
This is where you visualize your intentions. Daydream and feel everything in detail. Picture what you are going to do with the money, how you are going to share it with family and friends, how the service you provide will make people smile, picture yourself smiling. You will know when you are doing it right because you will start smiling and lauging as if everything is really happening.
-Gratitude 5-15 minutes
After visualization think of everything you have and really focused on feeling grateful.
That's it. Then go about your day saying thank as much as you can. Feel it. Don't stress on when your goals will come. Just focus on feeling good. This allows everything good to come to you. You will start noticing little things show up and everything will fall into place.
As far as smoking a bowl here and there, I don't know what impact that has. I would try to be sober while you meditate and visualize. Don't stress out about it. If you want to blaze up blaze up. If it were some other type of drug I would be more concerned. If it is interfering then you will naturally stop. It won't be as fun. I used to party all the time and smoke and drink but all those things naturally just became not enjoyable for me. Now I like being able to feel everything and being sober allows me to feel the good emotions more intensely surprisingly enough. If smoking is making you become lazy and really interfering and you feel something inside of you telling you its time to quit listen to that voice.
All in all, just relaxe and don't be so hard on yourself. The harder you are on yourself the less you are in tune with the Universe because if you are in the right frequency everything will feel natural and harmonious. Hope this helps.
One more piece of advice. Don't get caught up if something happens that causes you to be dissapointed and you start feeling things aren't working. For instance...I had a goal to make a certain amount of money. At my job I was offered and new position with higher pay which brought me close to my goal. Right when I was about to get hired things didn't work out and I was so dissapointed. I thought I did something to mess it up by incorrectly thinking or something. Then 3 months later another position opened up which was even better with more income. I interviewed and got it. Turned out to be significantly more income and a much higher skill level which looks great on my resume. This was in January. 3 weeks ago I was just notified that i will be moving to an even better position with potentially even more income...about 20K more a year. My point is at times when it seems like things aren't working out this is not the case. We only see the surface and sometimes it can be deceiving but trust that something beneath the surface is about to manifest and the Universe knows exactly the best time to bring it to you, the best route for it to be delivered, and exactly what you need.
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October 15th, 2009, 12:37
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#4 (permalink)
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Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: NY,USA
Posts: 29
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Awesome set of armour polly. Way to go!!!!!!!!!!!!! NY
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October 15th, 2009, 18:14
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#5 (permalink)
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Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 2
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Thank you both, seriously, thank you.
I had a pretty rough day yesterday and reading your two posts really did fill me with some hope. I called my dad just to catch up but now ever time I talk to him I swear I come away genuinely questioning my mental health, my path in life, where I am right now. Half of it is his perspective of who I am and what I'm doing, but I know that half of it is me. I really am a bit of a mess right now. There are times where I do feel genuinely myself and happy, but there are also times, much more frequent and long lasting where I get scared like I've never felt before in my life. Its so strange. Like it feels like now I'm playing for everything. I feel as if this is it, I'm here in Brighton, with no one around me that understands me, as a person (sense of humor etc.) and belief wise. I've never felt so alone in my life, which is strange because I've got my best friend in the world, doesn't live with me but we speak every day, and I thank god that he is in my life because he is the only true sense of divinity and self coming through right now. But the sense of being alone comes from almost a sense of where am I? Am I with me? Because its almost like I see myself going deeper and deeper within myself daily, on the whole. And I know that I can never be lost, I can never get to a stage where I am lost for good as once in a while I pop back out as much as I ever have, but the thing that worries me is my perception of what is happening, I cannot be lost but there are times when I do not feel this truth at all. My worry could drive me down to a place where for whatever reason I am too far gone, in my mind I am lost for good.
I know where I am is an important place for myself, I know I am in the early stages of a personal powerful story. I am either at the start of the best success story I could ever imagine, making it in every sense of the word, the seeds are all there. Or I could be watching first hand the story of someones life unraveling to the point of needing serious medical help, or to suicide. And I hate saying that, I hate playing the 'woe is me' card, but I really mean it. Its so weird that I'm writing this about my own life, when I think about it the position I'm in seems so surreal, but it is as it is.
The thing is I know everything I want in life, everything that I desire, and even, as far as I know, how to get it. I would love to make it with everything I keep promising my family and every person around me I will, by fully learning to speed read and then teaching it. I would love to be surrounded by people that are completely like me, have a great realtionship, etc etc. But in truth these are all beautiful bonus', the icing on the most fantastic cake ever built. All I really want, like reeally want (I know I know, not helping lol) is to feel the way I feel on occasion. I slip into this mode sometimes where I am in bliss, its on a scale of course and some times I'm flying high while sometimes its indescribable compared to day to day life. I've been going in and out of them day to day, week by week for about 3 years now, and Its pretty much all I've thought about since. It lead me care about nothing but the mood, to realise that you could be in the best situation in the world and the worst mood and it would be horrible, or vice versa and it would be incredible. So this made me realise at a fairly young age that pretty much everything else in the world, everything material, is next to meaningless. Its all about feelings, and since feelings can be totally independent of the external world, feelings is all I'm after. This way of thinking of course led me from a deep interest in psychology to a much deeper interest in spirituality, once I realised that this what I was going through was not independant to me, it wasn't just some chemical imbalance in the brain, it wasn't bi-polar, it was all of those things and much more, it was what what every person on this planet, conscious of it or not, was trying to archive. The path to peace.
So now im here, wondering why I'm even writing this as I know where I am, where I want to go, even how to get there. I know I walk around day to day wanting to be free, wanting to be funny, wanting to be connected to that genius that flows through me when the stars align just right. I know that I walk around wanting to be there, to be on this level, the biggest irony of them all. Wanting wanting wanting. I know that this is the only thing keeping me from my desires is the amount I want them, I not only know this intellectually any more, but experimentally as well. I know that the level lies in deep knowing not deep wanting. The feeling that I know that I am everything I desire I could ever be, I have nothing to prove, nothing to want, only the desire to experience what I already know. I know that when I am on the level I want nothing! I want to want nothing haha. I know that deeper than all of this when on the level I come from a place of unconditional acceptance, both for myself and for everything I encounter, and this leads on to unconditional love, which only furthers the process. I know that it is this unconditional love that disolves my wants, for why would I want to have do or become anything when I have everything I could ever need: love for the self. I know that this love propels me skyward, far from the restraints of the ego, the insecurity, the wants, the falsehood. I get to see clearly as day that these are illusions. How could they not be, they are absulutely needless for what I desire to do and be. I know that with the abolition of all of these illusions, all of this falsehood, I am free to see the beauty in everything, because of course that is all there is. I know that this is where true genius comes from; clarity and nothing more.
But how do you do it, how do I make this me all the time? Is it through the law of attraction? Envisioning this as truth for 20-30 minutes a day and living in gratitude until eventually everything cracks, and I'm free. Or through deep meditation, or constant dedication, being careful not to fall into the trap of wanting. I'm sure of course its a combination of the above,
but I suppose its just hard, making it work, constantly, especially when I have invested so much of myself in it. I feel as if I've put all on red and spun. Maybe I need to lighten up a bit lol.
But I thank you both again, from the depth of my heart for your support and encouragement. Franz: your routine is now my routine, if you don't mine me stealing it . I will take it, make it make love to my dreams, and hopefully they will give birth to a beautiful baby that is ma life.
Pollyanna I am in the process of reading through your story, I read the first post earlier today, the one with the poem, truly beautiful. I mean that. And I can relate so much.
"Some people were told of the seed in the ditch,
they laughed and they shouted "Impossible" which
could have shrivelled the tiniest roots of the seed,
but the grower ignored them - continued to feed
the small seed of hope which no one believed
could grow and survive in the ditch full of weeds."
Knowing that you felt so much opposition against your beliefs and dreams but continued to counter that with hope no matter shows me that it can be done, and that I too can do it.
I like this forum, you guys are lovely. I think I might stick around  |
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October 16th, 2009, 14:25
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#6 (permalink)
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Super Moderator
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: France
Posts: 942
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Hi again KlassicJazz, keep the links I posted for you so you have them available if and when you choose to implement them sometime in the future.
Maybe while you are experiencing new changes and have the time, you can take some time out to pamper yourself Franz gave some great advice here and the free Discover Meditation course, which includes the gratitude exercise is wonderful.
A little physical daily exercise that you enjoy is also a great commitment to make to yourself.
While you have the time, you have a great opportunity to do one invaluable exercise which is the second link I posted on personal development. Just have fun with it - you don't have to have huge dreams with this - you may find out you really want to learn to cook, play an instrument, explore your new surroundings, improve your self-awareness, travel etc.
Little incremental changes over time can make a huge difference to your inner peace and happiness and I wish you an abundance of this |
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October 17th, 2009, 19:58
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#7 (permalink)
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Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: California, US
Posts: 41
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Hello Guys. Pollyanna made an excellent point by the way. Above all is gratitude. The gratitude exercise is probably one of the most important. It brings me a step closer to really feeling all that I have and when you feel like this you're too busy focusing on all the good things around that you forget about wanting for awhile.
Yes take my routine and tailor it to your needs. I'm fairly new to all of this so I am constantly changing it up so it doesn't get too redundant. I still have so much to learn so anything new I will share with you.
It sounds like you are on the right path KlassicJazz. It seems like everyone goes through some type of hardship before they reach enlightenment. I have shared this story a number of times but what lead to me to looking within is I used to suffer from anxiety and panic attacks. It was the scariest experience I have ever felt. I needed it though because again, it made me look for answers within. It sounds like you are on the same path. i used to get so frustrated and afraid and irritated. Then the answers come right at the right time. You have made a huge step. You have realized that all happiness lies within. That is the biggest step ever. The answers will come trust me.
I recently read about EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique). Check it out. I use positive affirmations instead of negative but take a look at it. LifeFlow, LOA, EFT works really well together. Either way the answers are out there. I found a lot of answers in this forum. Edwin and Pollyanna are so great with their insights. Keep us posted and know you have a support group right here so we can all help each other along the way.
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December 21st, 2009, 16:32
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#8 (permalink)
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Super Moderator
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: France
Posts: 942
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Been away for a few days and it's soooooooo good to be back home
Just caught up on the winning song for the X Factor - The Climb - and it reminded me of this thread. The words in the song are so true - whatever you call it, the journey, the climb, is worth every step.
Everyone who's followed a dream doubted themselves, I know I did. What's really important is who you become along the way - you just have to keep the faith and hope alive and keep stepping forward towards your dream - stay focused on the prize and not the price.
If your WHY is big enough, the facts won't count. Dreams really can come true - I hope you achieve your hearts desires |
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