personal reationship

[vineetnarang]

Hi,
I am in relationship with a girl form past 4 years. at times i get so angry and write her all the things which make he upset or angry as well. I tried the experiencebetterrelationship it helped me but not totally. kindly suggest me more effective way of nurturing the relationship.

[Panthau]

For my relationship, the most important thing to discover was, that my reality is just created by my interpretation and perception of the world. This means, how i react and how i feel is not dependend on what happens around me, but how i judge it.

So if something happens in my relationship, which would normaly make me angry, i can take a step back and watch my anger and learn that the feelings inside me were my own inner descision. I decided on a certain, maybe unconscious, level to feel this way, for whatever reason. Not my girlfriend is responsible to how i feel, its "only" me.

With this perception, my relationship got worlds better... maybe its of use for you too

[pollyanna]

Hi there, I totally agree with the advice offered from Pan

Meditation will allow you both to release any negative or supressed emotions over time and you will experience the wonderful inner peace that is within you.

As you begin to see things from a better perspective you'll be amused at all the unnecessary drama created by thoughts, judgements and deep seated belief systems

I wish you much peace and joy

[PenguinJAS]

Originally Posted by vineetnarang

Hi,
I am in relationship with a girl form past 4 years. at times i get so angry and write her all the things which make he upset or angry as well. I tried the experiencebetterrelationship it helped me but not totally. kindly suggest me more effective way of nurturing the relationship.

The very first rule is that THINGS ARE NOT LIKE WHAT THEY SEEM.

Frankly, I've been at your stage before. The punch line I've put above may have no meaning to you at the moment, but let me explain by developing Panthau's ideas.

Actually relationships are one of the manifestations of our inner belief. We have some very subtle presumptions of people: what do they LIKELY to think, how do they NORMALLY react, how SHOULD they react, etc. And facing these interpretations of human activities, how SHOULD we interact. See, these are all value judgments.

I'm not telling you to deny them, or try to push away judgments. This is hardwired in our minds and are essential in our growth of life. But the point is try to use this ability wisely. Ask yourself: what do I want? If you say you want a llife-long relatinoship, judge whether your views or actions are conducive towards a long-lasting relationship. If you say you merely want a loose one, or one-night-stand whatsoever , judge whether your views or actions can build your goal. Try to do it.

Human relationships, including love affairs, are invitations by the world to many new ideas - those are different from yours and, more importantly, those which you have never conceived. It only tells you that there are actually no SHOULDs in how things happen, how others behave. Appreciate them, embrace them in your life, especially all lessons you learn from relationships.

These are some general ideas for your problem. Still I understand they may not have much meaning at the moment. Let me introduce you a bestseller called "The 5 Love Languages". (amazon it) Learn how typical your rages and unhappiness are among couples on the verge of divorce. Learn from the book that WHEN THINGS ARE VIEWED FROM A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE, ALL CONCLUSIONS BECOME NEW.

Best wishes for you

Cheers from Hong Kong

[myriam]

indeed, the key to happy relationships the relativity theory