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What about the 'edge' of life?

Discussion in 'Meditation Chatter Box' started by imtoochill, Mar 20, 2014.

  1. imtoochill

    imtoochill Member

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    Hi guys,

    I've been meditating on and off for about two years. I think I got used to it pretty quickly and feel that my practice is quite effective. My method is just sitting down on my computer chair with my eyes closed, concentrating on my breathing and calmly redirecting my thoughts when I get distracted. I feel more balanced, present, calm, attentive, disciplined and peaceful for the 12 to 24 hours after I meditate (depending on how often I meditate).

    However, regardless of all these great benefits I get from meditating, I feel like I am losing a certain edge. Like the edge that anxiety or pressure can motivate you to take a drastic step. Another example would be the edge to fight (not necessarily physically), if somebody instigates me, I feel like I no longer have the pride or the motivation to fight back, and this is a defeating feeling. I feel as if meditation also lowers my sex drive, and I think it all ties in together. It's as if it kind of makes me feel like less of a man, and as a man in my mid 20's, this is not something I find appealing.

    Maybe these things are meant to be transcended and it this could even be a goal of meditation, but it is not a goal of mine and I see it as more of a drawback. Has anyone else experienced this? Can anyone provide any possible solutions? Like maybe a different type of meditation or lower frequency?
     
  2. Panthau

    Panthau Member

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    I know what you mean, i felt the same way at some points in my life while meditation took a fixed time in my day. I felt like i lost the ability to resist in certain situations. But thats ok... you just have to let go.

    Thats what meditation is about. Let go of the mind and its trouble.
     
  3. GilesC

    GilesC Member

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    Meditation serves to give us greater awareness of the present moment in our daily lives; helping up to become less distracted by the thoughts in the mind - the thoughts of past and present which serve no real purpose in the present moment. Becoming more aware of the present moment allows us to more easily meet the needs of this moment, so if something arises that truly needs our attention right now, we can be aware of it, focused on it, and deal with it to the best of our ability, whether that's getting a job done because there is a deadline to meet, or putting our argument across when someone requires it etc. These things do not require "anxiety" or "pressure" or even "pride"; which are just superficial emotions and ideas of the mind. Yes, we may still feel these things arising, but they server no purposes in meeting the needs of the moment, so recognising them and letting them go will help us get things done as needed. Likewise if you feel that not having these things is "defeating" then this is your mind that is feeling this... it's just another emotion that can be let go as it serves no purpose in the present moment, and won't do anything to help.

    Man, woman, whatever... we are who we are. Your emotions, and mind do not make you the man you are.

    Consider this...

    When an emotion arises in you, you observe this emotion arising. Let's take 'anger' as an example. You feel the anger rising up inside you and you can observe it happening. You feel as if you are angry. However, when that anger goes, you are still there observing it going, and when it's gone, you do not go with it. You are not the anger, it is just something that is created in the mind. Such emotions are what are involved in creating our "personality", but this personality will also be different for many people depending on the situation they're in. They will have their "workplace" personality, and the "family" personality, and their "with mates down the pub" personality etc. and usually these personalities will clash if we try and mix them (as many people find when their wife/partner is invited to join them for a "works dinner" or suchlike and they can't have both their "workplace" personality and their "family" personality at the same time). The word "personality" comes from the Latin "persona" which means "mask"... and that's just what these personalities are... masks that we put on in different situations. By recognising this we can observe them and choose not to let ourselves put on these masks, but instead to actually be our true self, aware of what's going on in the present moment, and acting truthfully to the best of our ability in any situation, without the conflict created by personalities. This is not a bad thing, and allows others to see the geniune person we are, as well as helping to prevent conflict in different situations. A real 'man' will act truthfully in everything they do, and simply do the best they can, admitting if something is beyond their capability. That doesn't mean that they cannot love others, or have a laugh at things that are truly funny, or that they become emotionless robots; more simply that they do not hold onto things that are not needed in the present moment.

    So, it's ok to feel emotions; to get angry; to love and laugh; if the moment requires it, but when we hold onto those emotions afterwards, or when we reflect on things of the past with a belief that things in the future will be the same (the future is never the same as the past) then that serves us no valid purpose.

    Maybe you just need to reflect on what you consider is needed to be you, and ask yourself if it is really you and whether you really need those things... ;)

    Giles
     
  4. olmate

    olmate Member

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    For me, meditation is about helping me enter into the quiet which is always and already there. I used to think it helped me quiet my mind. But now the context has changed.

    As I become more and more acquainted with the quiet, it does change my world view. Even those things that I felt were so important or a critical part of my identity.

    Resistance subsided or was voluntarily released and priorities changed and evolved. But it seems to me that volition is still available. My choice more and more seems to be towards connection and being in the flow.

    Olmate
     
  5. imtoochill

    imtoochill Member

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    Thanks for the replies, I actually read them a few days ago and they motivated me to keep up with the practice. Especially your post GilesC, I completely understand about how you said things like anxiety and pressure have no purpose in meeting the needs of things that require action in the present. And about letting emotions go after the event; that is one of the main reasons I started meditating and I can see that benefit realising itself now.

    olmate, I am unsure of what success is in life, whether it should be defined from within or derived from the world's perspective. I guess it's a schematic issue, but I guess what I am saying is just a disclaimer so you don't take this question out of context. Since you started meditating and you've seen your priorities evolving, how do you feel this has affected your level of success? from your point of view, and also if you looked outside yourself, say from your father's point of view for example?

    Anyway, I have found a balance in my meditation practice now. I now meditate once a day for 20 minutes instead of two 20 minute sessions and I also use a new method that I think is more aligned to the kind of benefits I want to receive from meditation. I am planning to make meditation a daily habit for the rest of my life. Cheers for the help guys.
     
  6. GilesC

    GilesC Member

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    Success is acting to meet the needs of the moment to the best of your ability.
    If the act causes the need to reach the expected conclusion, then it's successful.
    If the act doesn't cause the need to reach the expected conclusion, but you acted to the best of your ability, then it's still successful, as you can do no more than your best.

    Have you read The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz? It's only a small book, but it's succinct and gives 4 great agreements that you can make with yourself to know that you're living truthfully. The fourth agreement is "always do your best", because if you do, you can no blame yourself if something doesn't work, as you can never do better than your best. ;)

    Hugs

    Giles
     
  7. Mr Monkey

    Mr Monkey Member

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    Thanks for talking the time to post this Giles, a very handy reminder. It's incredible how easy it is to slip into the whirlwind of mind/ego and without realizing you've been wrapped up in it until you've come out the other side :eek:

    :)
     
  8. olmate

    olmate Member

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    For me success in life is something that each of us gives meaning to. When I was younger my measures were bank balances, possession of shiny things and fancy titles. It has evolved a long way from that to now.

    With the adoption of a daily meditation practice my world view has changed pretty dramatically. I care little for what used to be very important. I care a lot for that which I used to care little or not at all.

    My measures of success now are about depth and richness of experience. Those things I used to covert I now know to be an illusion. My measure of success now is about connection and flow. I still perform the functions in my career (CEO) but have a far different outlook and I believe impact.

    Those close to me say I am a better person, far more effective and compassionate and achieve much more.

    Most importantly I feel grounded and happy.

    Olmate
     

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