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Unable to Just Observe - Maintain focus point

Discussion in 'Meditation Chatter Box' started by KhrimL, Nov 8, 2013.

  1. KhrimL

    KhrimL New Member

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    Started meditating about 1 year ago, by reading a couple of books and following its practices (I'm not interested in religion belifs or practices, just basic meditation).

    And had wonderfull results, even with my adhd, I was able to just observe, everything seemed to slow down and at the same time time passed so fast. Even the little sounds seemed so beatifull and peacefull.

    But after continuing practice for a while (I was doing 2 times a day, sometimes only 1, 10minutes per practice), I started hitting a speedbump in terms of progression. And actually started to not being able anymore to reach that 'Alpha' state where you just observe.
    After looking up for a bit online, I found that what most people said, is that everybody reaches bumps like this and you just have to keep practicing and it eventually come and u'll start reaching that state and progressing again.
    Unfortunatly 1 year has passed and well, I'm still in the same bump.

    I tried to take mental notes, so that I could try to explain what goes on my brain during my meditation session.

    When I try to reach that state of:
    Choosing a focus point
    Just observing, and let your mind be as it is, allow every thought to come and go

    I endup doing in two very different ways. (not different meditation but ways of trying to meditate)


    Where I have a focus point, and when thinking about the 'alow, alow, allow' thoughts come and go to your mind.
    And just leave those thoughts on the background.
    And dont worry about any state you are, just wait patiently and observe, everything is dynamic and changes.

    Then what seems to happen in my mind during it, its almost like the focus point is the backgroud instead of the other way around, and almost like head is never empty, and I will fill it up with whatever and leave my focus point in the background (usually I'm jumping from one short thought to the other about memories, almost seems like I'm forcing those short thoughts to come, but I think they are comming naturally).
    But then again, the focus point is the one in the background, and when I think about the
    'everytime you fell like you got lost in your thoughts, just gently bring your focus point again'.
    What it fells like during all the meditation, is like there is a thin thread that I'm hanging on to my focus point, sometimes it gets very little noticable, sometimes more, but it fells very far away to the point where
    I'm just fully observing that focus point, especially since it fells like that is on the background, and I will just fill the center with something else.

    I've read once in a meditation book, that reminds me of those meditations, where he says people come to him thinking they have been 'meditating' for years, but when you are just with your eyes close and let your mind wonder, its more like relaxing then meditating. And I'm wondering if when I'm doing meditation like this, if this is not what I'm doing.

    Although compared to the other, when I think in the terms that I apply to much pressure (to do it right, and more hard work) on myself, this one is definitly the one that comes naturally, so if I try to just accept my state and just observe this is the one that happens.
    Sometimes during this one, there was a felling similar to the one where I was going to sleep, I guess its a good sign, might be that I'm letting myself change states.
    Althought the same thing kept happenning, the focus point was still the background and still to much comming to my head.
    After openning eyes after meditation session, I sometimes felt calmer, other times felt much more frustrated before starting.

    ---

    Other one, was that I'd remain the focus point being the center.
    So It'be almost a felling of trying to look at it (with eyes close) and just putting it at center of my brain, trying to just observe the focus point (weather its breath or sound).
    But it does fell like I'm having to do some work to keep it there.
    And just thinking about the 'everytime you start to lose yourself in thought bring it back'
    Then despite me not trying to stop my other thoughts, since I'm doing that 'looking into focus' thing so that it could fell like its what I'm
    observing, rather then being the background, what happens is that it fells like I'm stopping my other thoughts instead of leaving them in the background,
    and then almost fells like I'm going to get those thoughts again so that I dont stop them, and then trying to release them slowly by bringing the focus back to the center
    (usually when its sound, i do it by trying to look at that sound).
    But then there is no background, it seems like I'm not letting my thoughts be and just letting them pass without doing anything but observing.
    Which is the purpuse, let them pass until my mind is still.
    Although, I do get results in the sence that after a while its rare for thoughts to be comming, so I'm almost just with the focus point.
    And the time does pass quickly, in the sence that I was doing 25minutes meditations, without much struggle of wanting to stop (althought there is def a bit of struggle).
    After this type of meditation, usually I just dont notice any difference AT ALL.
    And during it, it just fells like my mind is still very active, and although there is not much random thoughts comming, I'm defenitly not on Alpha mode just observing and
    not judging everything that comes to my mind.
    This is pretty much the one practice I've been doing since I can remember.



    Sorry for the wall of text, but explaining what goes on during meditation isnt simple :p
    Hopefully I can get some insight
     
  2. Panthau

    Panthau Member

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    Thats pretty much it. All that is going on in your meditation, has no meaning. Simple as that. By focusing your awareness on all those things, you give them meaning. Just stay with your breath/mantra/whatever, and if a thought arises... go back to your breath/mantra/whatever.

    Meditation is the most simple thing in the world. Its just letting go.
     
  3. coop47

    coop47 New Member

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    I use trans. meditation. The object is to repeat a mantra and try not to focus the mind on any one line of thought. When you find yourself doing that.....good.....shift your thinking away. That is it. Success. You are trying too hard. Don't try. Just do.
    Let me know how you are getting on.
     

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