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tired of being angry.

Discussion in 'START HERE: Registration & Introductions' started by bardamu, Jan 16, 2014.

  1. bardamu

    bardamu New Member

    Jan 16, 2014
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    hello i'm 28 years old and male. i've had mental problems since early age and a long period of my life was really a dark age with isolation. hopelessness and no hope for a better future. since maybe 1 year or so i've been doing better and in many ways my life is improving and i can finally see a dignified future for myself.

    the two most important factors are, first: trying two new medications; secondly: i started painting with oil and i'm quite good at it. its really a difficult profession to try to "make it" in and be able to fully support myself on, but i do now know for a fact that i can sell for decent money, i've already sold a fair amount of paintings to strangers, and thats not bad for someone without a name for myself. the important thing isnt so much making money or making a name for myself but for the first time in 13 years of darkness feeling an ounce of dignity.

    during much of those dark ages i didnt really feel all that much, i dont know, at least not in terms of anger. somehow i kind of did let go of that anger inside me.but i dont think it was in a good way. i was extremely apathetic, hopeless and had a lot of strange thoughts, i started to become disorganized.

    anyway, as i said i tried two new medication that improved my mental condition greatly. and i've gone through some therapy during this time as well where we've worked on that emotional numbness.

    i guess it worked, but now instead i'm left with a great deal of anger, loathing and resentment, i'm a big picture guy, so its its on a societal scale. my therapist quitted so now i'm left with this. i'm angry and loathsome all the time and just cant quit thinking of the things that angers me. it doesnt matter what i do, i'll be still thinking about that thing that angers me. i've stopped watching tv and hardly follow the news. but isnt helping that much.

    i just cant let go of the anger. i'm not a guy who acts out, yells or throw things. i'm not a violent guy who has violent thoughts, just want to make that clear, but i'm sick and tired of it, its exhausting and it never ends.

    i really admire david lynch and he talks about meditation and how it helped him, so here i am...i dont know much about meditation so i dont know where to start... can anyone relate?
  2. GilesC

    GilesC Member

    Jan 4, 2009
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    Hi Bardamu and welcome to the Project Meditation community,

    It sounds like you've already done a lot of good things to help yourself, and already overcome that big first step, which is so hard for many... that step of admitting you have an issue. It's great that you've taken up painting, and I'm sure the "disorganization" you're noticing is just what most artists find with themselves.... creativity is born from chaos. Many a great artistic piece has come from a place of disorganization that has organically grown as the artist has worked with it. ;)

    In terms of your anger... there are many avenues you could look at.

    Meditation will certainly be great in helping you to increase your focus on awareness and the present moment, which can help you to identify when anger is arising and make a conscious choice to stop it. David Lynch's book "Catching the big fish" is certainly a great inspiration for using meditation in everyting we do.

    You said you've been to a therapist. Can I assume this was a psychotherapist or counceller? These forms of therapy can be very useful, though from my knowledge they remain useful as long as you can keep returning to them, as it mainly involves you going over and over your issues whilst they listen and guide you, in the hope that you can realise the way to overcome your issues in a way that suits you.

    There are certainly other therapies you can look at (if you haven't already). Things such as Hypnotherapy (even better in conjunction with Timeline Therapy and/or NLP) can really help in reframing the way you're feeling about things, often with quick, and permanent (if done properly) results.

    Congnitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is also another technique (one that is available via our National Health Service in the UK) which helps people become more aware of their own thought processes and letting them take better control of how they think, by teaching techniques for doing it.

    Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) is a complementary/holistic therapy that has become very widespread around the world in recent years, and uses the principle that all our issues are caused by a disruption to our body's energy system (the meridian system), and therefore by putting some focus on the issue(s) and using a tapping technique (often referred to as accupuncture without needles) the disruption to the energy system is corrected, so even though we still have memories of past events or thoughts, the negative emotional response to those things is removed. I've used this technique myself for my big fear of spiders (as well as other things) and it was amazing how it worked... so much so that I learnt to be a practitioner in it to help others.

    There are also mindfulness practices out there, in various forms. One that I studied actually went under the name of Practical Philosophy, which taught about the underlying principles of the advaita philosophy (the same philosophy adopted by the hindu faith and others). This philosophy relates to understanding the difference between duality and non-duality, which in turn is very similar to many buddhist practices that teach how things do not cause anger (and other emotions) within us, it is us creating the emotions, and therefore it's our choice to stop those emotions if they are not appropriate to the present moment; bearing in mind that we live in the present moment, and many of our issues are things that are in the past so don't really exist in the present. This philosophy is the basis for Eckhart Tolle's book "The power of Now", which many people find helpful.

    That's just a few of the things that could help... I won't go on, otherwise I would overload you with information. :D



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