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Social anxiety

Discussion in 'Mind, Body & Spirit' started by stefanabovetheview, Jul 6, 2011.

  1. First of all, I would like to thank this forum and its members, because project meditation led me and motivated to me to start properly meditating and looking into spiritual life:)

    I found this the most suitable section to post in the forum.

    Now let me tell my story…
    Meditation has benefited me in thousands of ways. I just finished my final high school exams very recently and had completely no worries or stress while doing them, while I was observing the room, I saw a huge amount of people being completely stressed, it just shows on their body language.
    I used to get depressed frequently for a short amount of time, out of the blue, but it’s been a few months since that happened. When I get angry or stressed, it usually ends in a few minutes, after I decide to be conscious and observe it.
    BUT there is one thing bothering me in my life situation now, although everything seems amazing:

    I have mentioned in one of my threads that I do/study ‘’the pick up artist’’. If you search into it on google and youtube, and actually know about it, you will realize that a lot of the people go the ‘’unnatural’’ way where they use made up routines to ‘’pick up’’ the ‘’chick’’, but what I am aiming for is genuine interaction without using any routines or lines, which they would call ‘’natural’’ or ‘’direct’’ approach.

    I was born and raised in Libya, and there, since I knew all my friends well, I knew that I was a great conversationalist, and was considered a ‘’ladies man.’’ If there was someone new to meet, I would have little problem having a conversation with him/her. Sometimes I would get anxious, or uncomfortable.

    Right now I’m in Bosnia, and find it very hard meeting new people. I will come with complete honesty and say that I am quite scared to do so most of the time, and do not know how to overcome it. I am not able approach a girl who is on the street even though she checks me out and shows interest. I am only not afraid to approach if I know It’s full proof. I have actually forcefully approached a lot of girls and got rejected by the majority, but that still did not deal with my anxiety.

    The main reason I decided to post this, is because I went with a friend to a salsa night, and our salsa teacher and a few other members were there. While we were there sitting and chatting (we are very new to salsa so are unable to dance with it), I was observing my teacher and the members, and wow, they just radiate positive social energy. One of the members was leading around 50 people in a dance, the other was open and talking to everyone. There were even girls giving me signals to approach, but I couldn’t. I know I am a good talker and can make people laugh, but in these occasions I can’t. Only sometimes I am very comfortable. It feels like I am water going through a pipe which is blocked, and I cannot come out and reach the surface and open up. This has been bothering me for a while. I even have anxiety approaching guys. I was just amazing by how those guys have extreme confidence.
    Sometimes, I say to myself that my Bosnian language is a barrier, because I am not good at it. But realistically that’s just an excuse and has nothing to do with it.

    Well, social life is what is really bothering me right now. I could have posted this on a pickup artist forum but I believe people here will be of more help then they would.

    I am scared to open up and talk freely and openly to people I just meet, even though I am quite a good confident talker with people I know.

    Hmmm... This just got me thinking. I am not afraid to talk to people who I see ''lower'' than me (im not sure if thats the word), like nerds and etc.

    Thank you for reading:)

  2. Karmoh

    Karmoh Member

    Hi Stefan,

    From memory I believe you have moved to Bosnia due to the conflict and tension in Libya. This in its self is a harrowing experience that would have knocked your confidence immensely. You are young and full of life, you talk of your life in Libya with youthful fondness and throughout your post there is a resentment that that has now passed.

    Life itself is never still, whether we are in the same house, village and country from birth to death or live a nomadic life, every moment is different. If you try to recreate yesterdays into tomorrows you set up a habitual suffering that is a mind/ego based “if only” belief system.

    Through this belief system (old Stefan) is the reason why you experience separation with other new young adults. Separation makes us feel “cut off” from other people and from life itself. This is spatial separation. When we feel like separate objects, we believe that other objects (i.e., people, places, and things) have the power to threaten or diminish who we are.

    This causes you to have an unnecessary set of feelings of apathy and rejection; you want to be liked and to make others like you. If you are liked, it will build you up, strengthen the sense of self.
    Your ego allows you freedom to talk to “lesser people” This in itself is a clue; through these encounters you experience pleasure. The ego engages in a game of maintaining or recreating pleasurable sensations, it is the feeling of superiority. This protects the fragile “if only” ego from feeling diminished or threatened. Unfortunately, this is precisely why you find yourself in conflict....with yourself. The ego also likes your discomfort around more assumed "superior" or different people. Your ego is chained to this duality.

    This is not about getting rid of the “if only” ego. There is nothing to get rid of. The ego does not exist as a separate being. This is about an identity shift, not a denial of uniqueness. In seeing through the sense of being a separate self in a new country, you continue to experience preferences (types of people, places and things). Life goes on and but your uniqueness remains.

    The “if only” ego as a separate object, is seen as empty, just as all other objects are empty. In seeing this emptiness the clinging and identifying energy of the human ego relaxes. Suffering, seeking, and conflict release themselves in that seeing.

    Peace :)
    Last edited: Jul 7, 2011
  3. chris-da-fur

    chris-da-fur Member


    watch this video and any and all of his other ones, this guy is like a thousand steps beyond PUA's, no routines or lines or any crap like that, I mean there's like 4, the rest is all inner work. I've made a ton of progress from listening to him, and I think just watching him chat about all this social stuff will help alleviate your anxiety!

    ‪Brent Smith - How To Take Action & Start Approaching Women‬‏ - YouTube
  4. MetaCognition

    MetaCognition Member

    Nice, I have read a lot of PUA stuff and while a lot of it is great, this guy seems to be offering the viewpoint that I was trying to achieve vs. the constant ego pushing of most PUA mindsets.
  5. chris-da-fur

    chris-da-fur Member

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