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So Much Gratitude

Discussion in 'START HERE: Registration & Introductions' started by Leeskicitizen, Feb 2, 2011.

  1. Leeskicitizen

    Leeskicitizen Member

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    First, I'm grateful for being guided to this community. I believe, with every fiber of my being, that we are in the beginning stages of the enlightened civilization that is the prophesized thousand years of peace. I seek the company of kindred souls who are rolling up their sleeves and accepting the task of changing the world from the inside out. It's tough work, and I'm grateful for what I perceive is a caring community of support.

    Please forgive me for documenting on this forum, for the sake of my personal history, that I've recently experienced a major upheaval in my personal growth. I'm coming from a place of feeling major inappropriateness based upon feedback from others. Even though I've done major personal work and believe I come from a place of non-competitiveness, compassion for others, a lover of cooperation, and focus on solutions rather than problems, I'm perceived as bossy, controlling, and opinionated. I'm shunned rather than appreciated. Fortunately, and gratefully, I accept that the problems reside within me, and that joining this community of light workers will contribute to the solutions to my problems. Further, knowing that this post is being dated, I look forward to being able to share my progress in solving this challenge and hopefully being a contributor to anyone who shares a similar circumstance.

    Peace,
    Leeski
     
  2. Hazelkay

    Hazelkay Member

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    Hi Leeski

    Hi Leeski,

    Welcome to the forum.

    The biggest hurdle is overcome - you have recognized the problems come from inside rather than outside.

    Now the first place to have compassion is for yourself. When you fall short of your ideals, just be aware of the reality and don't kick yourself. The accepting awareness will result in gradual change.

    Have a great adventure!
    peace and joy
     
  3. mediationlearner

    mediationlearner New Member

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    Hello and Nice to mee tyou Leeski

    Hello Leeski, it is nice to meet you and what you shared really was beautiful. I think it's terrific that you have done so much work in yourself and have a way about becoming aware of all the facets of yourself that we all have too. Thanks for setting an example for me to keep creating better and better wonderous moments in my life.
     
  4. Leeskicitizen

    Leeskicitizen Member

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    Thank you Hazelkay,

    In truth, I will always fall short of my ideals. I believe we have been given the concept of perfection as the most great carrot at the end of the stick of perception. There will always be something Greater than myself to know, to aspire to, and I'm in a humble, grateful place whenever I contemplate that condition as a basis for my relationship with the Creator.

    My greatest test at this time is the treatment I receive from other people. I have the feeling of being overwhelmingly inappropriate in the company of people who I love, admire, or respect. I've almost always been "eccentric", even as a child of 7. At that age I observed how adults, and their children, used acceptance and belonging to control the behaviors of others in the process of making it difficult for individuals to manifest either personal or social change. I suffered grief and anguish for those social outcasts (a status I achieved at age 12), and suffered severe depression as a result of that treatment of myself in a new neighborhood during the 7th grade. But throughout this, I've always liked myself for finding ways to accept and embrace the differences in others and have usually preferred the company of spicy people.

    But at this time of my life, my sense of life mission is surging within me. Besides my love affair with Baha'-u-llah (my personal belief, not a proselytizing) my most important priority is contributing to the advancement of our human civilization. I need to find a way to do this without turning off those who I wish to serve. Thank God I've come to the realization (again) that part of the problem is the personality I manifest that is a reaction to the pain and cruelty of the past. Another realization is that I don't know who I will be if I let go. I have an inner sense of defeat, thinking that I need to conform to the behaviors of the many as a condition of "fitting in", even though I don't place that condition upon other's for my accepting them. What a quandary, what a challenge!

    Another issue is that I've been depressed since age 12. Do I even know what it's like to be a joyful and happy being? Ho boy. Well, at age 62 I still believe that it's better late than never.

    Peace,
    Leeski
     
  5. Leeskicitizen

    Leeskicitizen Member

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    Thank you mediationlearner,

    Thank you for your greeting and kind words. I rendered a response to Hazelkay that I felt was appropriate as a response for you. I hope to share more with you in a specific way.

    Peace,
    Leeski
     

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