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Shyness

Discussion in 'Meditation Chatter Box' started by Matti, Mar 1, 2008.

  1. Matti

    Matti Member

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    I'am extremely shy and its making my life difficult so i want to get over it. Does meditation help for shyness?
     
  2. Edwin

    Edwin Member

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    Yes, it does, a little.
    However, it won't be enough.
    You have to be willing to work on it, actively.

    There are a few things you will have to do to overcome your shyness. I know it is possible, because I used to be so shy that I hardly ever spoke with anyone until I reached the age of 17.
    At that time I spoke with someone who told me to go to the library, and search for books about conversation techniques. eventually I got over it, and like it is with most shy people who overcome their problem, I became quite extravert as a result !

    Shyness is like walking through a door, you feel as if you are being held back, and the more you look at the door, the bigger the problem seems to get.
    However, as soon as you crossed through that door you will see that the problem you thought was there is non-existent, and you wonder why you hadn't crossed the door sooner.

    Same is with a conversation.
    When you have to start a conversation with someone, it's like looking at that door. The longer you wait with starting to talk, the harder it gets.
    A lot of shy people who have to talk in order to get things done are afraid of breaking the silence, and start talking really softly. As a result they aren't always noticed, and that shuts the door for shy people, because they don't want to fail again, and they don't ask anything anymore.

    So, first thing you have to remember is the 3 second rule.
    If you want to talk to someone, start talking within 3 seconds.
    Now you are probably wondering what to say ?
    Never blurt out the subject you want to adress right away.
    Always start with small talk, it will create a light atmosphere and set the mood for the real talk.

    That's where the conversation books come in handy.
    Things that work for me are :

    -The weather : Cheezy yes, but there is always something to say about the weather, and it is a safe subject to start with.

    -Look at the person you want to talk to. Your shyness is keeping you from being interested, really interested I mean, in the other person.
    Try to notice what they are doing at the time, or maybe you have some background info allready ? They might have just moved, or been to a wedding, or a nephew or niece might have just been born, all very nice things to start talking about.

    -the compliment: the best way to start a conversation, but be carefull about the when and how. This one is less safe, so consider what you want to compliment the other with. A nice hair day, new shoes are all reasonably safe.
    They might be waxing the car, and all you have to say is: Wow, that's looking a lot better allready !

    sometimes the situation is not right for small talk:
    At an info desk: They expect you to tell you right away what the problem is.
    Break the silence within 3 seconds with the easyest words to say:

    - good morning/afternoon/evening ( safe )
    - Hi ( depends on the location )

    Once you have broken the silence, talking should go easyer.

    For things like painfull silences and stuff I recommend to get the librarybooks.

    And finally I recommend you make yourself a contract. Write down your goal of growing your self-confidence and how much time you are willing to invest every day. Write down the date and sign it, and look at it every day.

    Best of luck and feel free to ask me questions :)
     
  3. Divinitywolf

    Divinitywolf Member

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    Thanks for that.
    That'll really help me as i've been quite shy all my life.
    :)
     
  4. UltiMind

    UltiMind Member

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    Those are some great tips to get over shyness.

    Meditation does work for shyness by helping to break
    down the walls that cause shyness in the first place.

    Try adding a mantra/affirmation to your meditation
    session that helps deal with shyness.

    Some examples include:
    I easily talk to anyone I have a desire to meet.
    I compliment people and to show I appreciate them.
    I have immense courage. I overcome any fears.
    I am happy with myself, regardless of what other people think.

    This would be a good compliment to Edwin's tips above.
     
  5. pollyanna

    pollyanna Moderator

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    Hi Matti, I understand exactly how you feel because I used to be painfully shy. I was very self conscious and lacked majorly in confidence. Meditation has helped me tremendously in all these areas, but to be honest I had to deal with some of this before I learned how to meditate. What helped me a great deal was reading some good books, like Edwin suggested. I learned to really listen to other people which took my focus off myself. If you can learn to just relax and always be yourself I'm sure you'll overcome it. I used to try and be what I thought other people wanted me to be - maybe to fit in! WOW that was so hard and no fun at all. I think a couple of the books I read were "Feel the fear and do it anyway" and "I want to change but I don't know how" Now I've learned to dance like no ones watching! You should see me trying to communicate with the French people :eek: I've learned that they like the fact that I try. If I can beat it, believe me anyone can. I wish you happiness, joy and a life full of fun :) :) :)
     
  6. Divinitywolf

    Divinitywolf Member

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    Thats exactly what i want to achieve and i hope i can.
    i've stopped trying be someone else, just to fit in and i'm now appreciative of my true personality.
    I'll definitely try your tips :)

    Thank You
     
  7. Edwin

    Edwin Member

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    Those are great !

    My own used to be a lot shorter, simply " I am ", but yours are way better !

    mind you, shyness will never go away, it is part of who you are too. You will be able to manage it better tho !

    I am still shy to some extent, but I do know how to handle it nowadays.
     
  8. Matti

    Matti Member

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    Thanks for all posts they were really helpfull:)! I have used those mantras that Ultimind suggested and i'am planning to read some books too.
     
  9. Edwin

    Edwin Member

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    If you want, you can practice the 3 second rule allready !

    You will be amazed at how easy it will become to start talking !
     

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