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Should I be getting angry all the time??

Discussion in 'Meditation Chatter Box' started by Dickyboy, Dec 24, 2007.

  1. Dickyboy

    Dickyboy Member

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    Hi,

    I've just started meditation once again after 15 yrs using the Lifeflow 10. I started a week and a half ago but haven't been doing it every day. I have chosen Marantha as my matra and so far all has been going well. There are only very few fleeting moments when I feel I have actually not thought of anything and those moments are wonderful.

    I don't know if anyone else has noticed this but I find that the Lifeflow 10 sounds at first very eerie. It reminds me of china many hundreds of years ago in some chinese dynasty!!!! At first I didn't like the sounds as they made me feel uncomfortalbe and slightly frightened. I know this sounds very silly but I almost thought that it sounded evil and that this was going to brainwash me in some way. Yeah I know paranoid!!!

    I don't feel that so much now and have kind of got used to the track. I'm still finding it difficult to totally relax and stop all thoughts but I guess that will take a long time.

    The main reason for my post is to ask if anyone else has had the same experience as me and I wonder if anyone can tell me why?

    After about 3 or 4 days meditating with the lifeflow10 I had an argument with my mother. I was with my wife and my four children at the time when my mother berated one of my boys. Well I told her not to speak to him in that way and an argument ensued. I was so angry and eventually we left my mum to get a taxi home and then didn't speak for a week. That very morning I'd had a very successful and very relaxing lifeflow meditation.

    Then on Saturday (two days ago) I thought I had better make up with my mum as it's Christmas and all that so I telephoned her in the afternoon and she said that I had insulted her so instead of just saying sorry and making up I completely lost it and ended up shouting down the phone at her until she hung up! First thing in the morning I had yet again done a very peaceful meditation.

    Later that afternoon I spoke to my wife about the situation and she offered to phone my mum to see if she could make some headway and get us speaking again. She did this and when she had come off the phone from talking with her I felt like my wife was now siding with my mum and she was blaming me for the whole argument!!! So my wife and I started having this massive argument I went balistic and started shouting at her and calling her horrible things. I cant remember ever being like this and I certainly have never been so angry.

    Also I have noticed that during the week and a half that I have been meditating with lifeflow 10 I have been angry in other areas of my life like at work, shouting at the kids and even driving. Normally I am a very placid driver but I have been getting so impatient and shouting at other drivers. The other day in a hospital car park with very few spaces I drove in saw a space and turned round to go the wrong way back to this space. Another driver was coming into the car park and he told me to turn round I just started shouting (in the car) and pointed that I was going into the space!!!

    I don't know whats happening to me???? I thought that meditating makes you calm and relaxed without the need for anger. I am NOT usually an angry person so I am slightly concerned that the lifeflow 10 is actually causing something to happen but I don't know what. I can't think of any other factors in my life that have changed except for embarking on this mediation course.

    Any ideas anyone. As I am getting to the stage where I think I had better not continue if this is what is causing it.

    Thanks for reading such a long post

    Best wishes to everyone

    Kind Regards

    Richard
     
  2. butterfly angel

    butterfly angel Member

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    i'm not sure that this is down to lifeflow, but i didn't start meditation straight from lifeflow.
    Perhaps if you try basic meditation for a few days and see if anything changes?
    then you will know for sure whether it IS life flow that is causing this. Perhaps there is something else going on in your mind that you have unlocked in meditation that is making you feel so angry?
    dont dwell on it, because the more you think it IS something, the more you will convince yourself that you are right!
    so, my advice, try basic meditation without lifeflow and see what happens :)
     
  3. Whitefort

    Whitefort Member

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    Dickyboy, I can sorta relate...

    I've found in the past that when I've gotten out of the habit of meditation for a longish time, then come back to it, for the first week or two my mood seems to get a lot worse, rather than better. I can get really irritable with people, which isn't really like me.

    I don't know, but I SUSPECT that it's because a lot of stuff that's been repressed is being dealt with by meditating, and some of it bubbles to the surface. It generally seems to pass after a while.

    One of the good things I've found about meditation is that you learn to spot angry/depressed/negative thoughts much quicker - sometimes before they really get a hold on you.

    You know how in meditation you sometimes loose sight of your mantra, and find yourself thinking about breakfast, work, what that nasty guy at the office said to you, what you should have said to HIM, etc etc?

    Then you think - oops! And get back to your mantra.

    I believe that those 'oops' moments are a good thing - it shows you've spotted the wayward thoughts, and are ready to get back to the mantra. They're not a failure of the meditation process - they ARE the meditation process.

    I find that after I've been doing this for a while, then in normal day to day life when an angry thought comes along, I have an 'oops' moment - before the anger really takes hold. You get that little moment between the urge and the response, and it gives you a chance to deal with it.

    Hope this is some help!
     
  4. Michael Mackenzie

    Michael Mackenzie Owner

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    Feeling angry

    Hi Richard,

    I have encountered a number of students who have begun to feel angry when beginning meditation. You are most certainly not alone!

    When you say you're angry, do you mean you feel angry quite often through the day or you become angry at someone/something more easily?

    Meditation can bring up all kinds of emotional issues that need to be dealt with as I mention on the discover meditation course. LifeFlow is a meditation accelerator and makes things happen faster.

    Possibly you have suppressed emotions of fear or anger from early days which you may not consciously remember. Most people suppress emotions of various kinds.

    Raising your tolerance levels

    How did you feel before when you meditated years ago and is there a particular reason you want to meditate?

    I understand that you feel anxious and do not think you are paranoid at all. My best advice on this point is read the reports here.

    Once you have read these reports you will have a really good understanding of how LifeFlow works and how you will benefit from regular practise.

    With it being Holiday season, you could always just focus on family and fun and get back to your meditation in the new year or as butterfly angel mentioned, stick with your regular meditation for a while before combining LifeFlow.

    I will wait to hear your answers to the questions above!

    Michael :)
     
  5. Dickyboy

    Dickyboy Member

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    Angry

    Hi Whitefort, Butterfly and Micheal and thank you all for your posts.

    I think that is a good piece of advice spotting those 'oops' moments. I know that I get them all the time when I am meditating but never thought of relating it to everyday life, especially when you could get angry over something.

    I also agree that it could be that I haven't meditated 'properly' for so long and now that I have started once again there is probably some deep seated emotional issues that need dealing with and they are coming to the surface quicker than they would, maybe because of the lifeflow.

    I'm not angry all of the time but I have found that little things seem to really get to me and I over react. I tend to get angrier easier with people and situations whereas before I always keep calm.

    I think you are right though Michael I need to just relax during the holiday period and then start again after Christmas. We're not having a very good time at the moment as we all contracted a stomach bug and it started to go through the family from last Tuesday with my wife and I getting it Saturday night and two of my children this morning.

    So unfortunately we have had to cancel all our families coming over to spend Christmas day with us! It's a bit of a disaster but still at least we will have a peaceful time and the important thing is for us all to get better. However it's going to be a very strange Christmas day. I don't think we will even have a roast dinner of any sort let alone the Turkey!!!

    Anyway enough of my woes!!! Thanks again all of you for your advice and thank you Micheal for the Lifeflow mp3's (I forgot to say thank you on previous posts!)

    Hope you all have a very Merry Christmas and a very Happy and Meditative New Year!!!

    Best Wishes

    Richard
     
  6. wendy

    wendy Member

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    ...sounds to me like your meditation is stirring the pot! You know the old saying: "...if you want to make an omelette, you've got to break a few eggs..."

    My uncle advised me, just the other day, to make a conscious effort to bring nothing but positive things to your meditation. I know that sometimes, that's easier said than done.

    I do have a suggestion. I found it very helpful, whenever I get irritated with other people, to remember that whatever they do, it's all part of their journey. It's not what people do or say that makes us angry, it's our interpretation of it and our willingness to let it affect us. Believe me, in all my years, raising kids, dealing with relatives and co-workers, I've had plenty of opportunity to get agitated - but you know what? I don't have time for it.

    Have you ever heard of how to deal with thoughts, (any kind of thoughts), that enter your mind when meditating? I've been told to acknowledge them, put them on a cloud and let them float away. It works for me and I've learned to apply it to the actions of others, when those actions don't "sit well" with me and my frame of reference.

    Life is easier too, when I apply this principle to myself, when life is testing me. "It's all part of my journey...and there's a reason for everything..." When I have this attitude, whether towards myself or others, it becomes much easier to step off the stage and into the audience and watch what unfolds.

    I wish you all the best this holiday season and wish you and yours a healthy, happy, peaceful New Year. -Wendy
     
  7. taylordayton

    taylordayton Member

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    I've had this happen during basic meditation before too when I first started out. I've also had times when something is bothering me and I'm refusing to deal with it consciously, it finds a way of coming out in the wrong places.

    Hope this gets better for you soon, and I imagine it will, but I like Michael's suggestion of waiting until after the holidays and then moving back into the Lifeflow.
     
  8. iceman

    iceman Member

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    i don't understand this...

    I ave just oined today. I clicked on download free course. When i clicked on the icon, it brought me onto the forum!!! what is going on? is there even a free course???
     
  9. Whitefort

    Whitefort Member

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    Regardless of what actually causes the anger/irritation, I've definitely found that continuing with meditation begins to solve the problem.

    In fact, over the holiday (which can be stressful enough anyway!), I've tried the experiment of deliberately spending time with people who usually rub me up the wrong way, and seeking out situations that normally make me blow my top.

    The results have been startling. I know it may not work like this for everyone, but here's what been happening for me...

    Just as meditation teaches you to spot stray thoughts as an observer, rather than being totally swept along by them, I'm finding that I can (more often than before) spot the onset of the anger. Often this in itself is enough to calm me down - instead of being swept along by it, I find that - as with stray thoughts during meditation - I can observe the onset of the anger, then choose not to go along with it.

    I'm making a total mess of explaining this, but I hope you can see what I'm getting at. It's almost like making the annoying person/situation a sort of meditation object. In fact, I've even found myself enjoying the company of some people I normally can't stand. (Not all of them, I hasten to add, but hey, I'm not QUITE perfect yet :) )
     
  10. scf0x

    scf0x Member

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  11. goodoljoshua

    goodoljoshua Member

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    Hi,

    I would ask. . .why have you chosen to start meditating again? I know the following is true for me based on my own experience with myself. Perhaps it applies to your situation as well.

    There have been times in my meditation history when my motivation to meditate was more-or-less ego driven. In other words, my reasons for meditating have been sometimes selfishly motivated though I didn't know it at the time.

    For example, not too long ago one reason I wanted to meditate was to become more peaceful. Sounds good superficially but on a deeper level it was for my own benefit. As a result, if my meditation time was interupted or if the "peace of mind" I had developed through my meditation effort was disturbed by the words or actions of someone, my frustration would be twice what it normally be and it would be directed at them.

    More recently, my motivation for meditating has been a little more altruistic. I have been meditating to "tap into" that deeper part of myself that is love, patience, kindness, peacefulness, clarity, tranquility, equanimity. I am no longer attempting to "put-on" those characteristics but am "putting-off" my "brain-self" and sinking into the well-spring of light that calmly resides within each of us. My intention before each meditation goes something like "for my good-will, and for those I love." The world needs more love and kindness and happiness, it resides there within me (as our core-self is always at one with The Source), and I wish to tap into it so that it can flow from me and be a blessing to my life and every life around me.

    With this new motivation I am no longer agitated by disturbances or by people as I was before. In fact, when I am in this "state of mind" (or heart, whatever you want to call it) I can't wait to interact with others.

    Do you see what I mean? I hope this is a blessing to you or someone else on their journey.

    Love,
    Joshua
     
  12. Dickyboy

    Dickyboy Member

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    Hi Wendy, Hi Taylor, Hi Joshua,

    Thanks for your replies. I've just had a revelation this morning and it's all thanks to you guys!

    I've been having difficulties with my mum on and off for many years, she is a very difficult person to get on with, very dominating, very strong views that if you don't agree with she will have a go at you. She seems to be angry all the time and moans about the government and the world in general, but it was all perfect when she was younger!

    Also last year my father in law had an affair and can't make his mind up who he wants to be with! He has gone to live with the 'other' woman twice and returned to my mother in law! Obviously this has brought many family rows and it has made me very angry but I am more angry with my mother in law for letting him do what ever he wants and treating her basically like dirt while we all have to worship him and not upset him in case he leaves her again!!

    I've always thought that I am a very considerate, caring and a christian sort of person but sometimes problems like these really test you patience and I guess just recently, maybe a side effect of the meditation, I have become a very angry person. In some ways it feels quite powerful when you stand up for yourself and tell some one exactly how you feel. I think this is because when I was in my teens I had no confidence whatsoever and it has only been in the last say ten years that I have gained it.

    However I realise that standing up for yourself (being assertive) should be done in a very calm and direct manner, without the need for getting angry! I find it difficult to stay calm sometimes when for instance my mum makes some comment which seems to be done deliberately to make some point. I don't know why she has to do this all the time because most of the time they are meaningless!!!

    Anyway before I go rambling on and on and on and on.........!!!!!! What I was writing to say was that your comments have made me think very deeply about all these situations and the light bulb has just been switched on!
    My mum, my mother in law, my father in law, in fact my wife and I, everyone has there own journey to make, they live this life and make the decisions for themselves. Sometimes they will overlap into our lives in some way but like you say Wendy it's not what people say and do that makes us angry it's our interpretation of it and our willingness to let it affect us!

    That's such a powerful statement and one that I have copied and pasted so I can read it daily! I really believe this is true and I am going to try and keep this in mind and also use the practical advice from you about watching the angry thoughts floating away on a cloud. Also whitefort that is cool actually hanging out with people that you normally don't get on with and just spotting the anger before it develops. I admire you for that and I am going to try and put the same into practice!!

    Thanks for all your advice

    Hope you've all had a fun and relaxing Christmas.

    Best Wishes

    Richard
     
  13. pollyanna

    pollyanna Moderator

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    Where anger comes from

    Hi Richard,
    hope you and your family are feeling better now. Great to see so many people supporting you with their good advise. I noticed Michael recommended that you read the reports he has made available. When I read these it was like a revelation to me. I finally understood where anger, fear and hurt etc. come from in myself and others and also how meditation creates the inner observer so we no longer have to supress these emotions - we learn to raise our tolerance levels. When you understand other people and their "map of reality" it's easier to understand that is the only way they know how to react right now. If you haven't already read them, set aside 30 to 45 minutes and have a read. When you meditate next I'm sure it will be with a greater understanding. Hope this helps you. Here is a little excerpt of one of the articles:-
    The choice of coping mechanism we choose to use is of course largely dependant on how we were pre-conditioned to respond in our early years.

    Instead of using these self destructive coping mechanisms, we can learn to raise our tolerance levels and break free from our prison of self-imposed limitations with the regular practise of meditation.
    Happiness, joy and good health to you and yours :) :) :)
     
  14. Edwin

    Edwin Member

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    I suffered from the same kind of anger you have experienced recently ( I have for years, nothing to do with meditation, just who I am )
    This answer is not about meditation, but I felt I had to tell you anyway, I hope you will allow it.

    You may have heard of people saying: " Boy I really had to count to ten before I answered because he really ticked me off ! "

    This is one of those things that really work, at least for me they do !
    I am quite like yourself, I considered myself a calm peacefull christian person but on those very few occasions I did get angry, I tended to lose myself in those first seconds of rage that come racing up ( literally, I can feel my blood racing towards my face ).

    I have learned to recognise this feeling, and instead of allowing it to take over, I count to ten, and only then allow myself to be angry.
    This anger is different than the one that races up so violently, and it allows you to stay calm while you defend your own point of view.

    Having said that, if you want the fight to end, a method that works most of the time is: to see things your mother's way. You don't have to agree to all she sais, but if you agree with one thing, and tell her that, your "opponent" will usually drop her defences and agree with something you said. here lies the basis of ending every arguement.
    You mentioned your wife "chosing sides" with your mother.
    Your wife can't take sides when you don't make a tennis game out of the fight, where you keep exchanging the ball ( your point vs her point ).

    Right now you are a bit vulnarable because your meditation is "stirring the pot" inside you a bit, but keep in mind that even tho feelings can't and shouldn't be suppressed, they can be controlled !:)

    Hope it helps ! Keep meditating and soon this won't be nessecary anymore.
     

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