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Serious question

Discussion in 'Mind, Body & Spirit' started by Panthau, Apr 21, 2009.

  1. islovin

    islovin Member

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    Missed ya'll !!!

    Pan,

    It seems that I have gotten lost in Level 8(in a good way) and needed to "BE" in the real world and step away from the cyberworld for a little while. I have been very busy enjoying the summer, meditating with level 8, Biking 16 miles almost every night and now that summer is winding down I have finally had a minute to catch up on some Project meditation forum. I too feel a connection with the friends I have made here on this site. I appreciate that some, namely, Giles and you too Pan(new pic) putting up pictures so that I can put a face with the words of wisdom.

    First I want to say that I completely understand about feeling like you are with the wrong person.

    Second I completely understand about getting back into the relationship although I have not personally had this experience.

    I want to share with you that 2 years ago I ended my 12 1/2 year relationship, I ended it because i felt that we grew as far as we could grow together. Since then I have spent my time getting to know myself. One of the most important and positive changes I have made in probably my entire life is adopting my practice of meditation and adopt it as part of my daily routine. Meditation as far as I can tell has a cumulative effect and since I have been meditating for just about one full year now I have to say that I do believe that the cumulative effect has made me a much happier person.

    I do not regret the choice of ending my relationship but I will say that I would never rule out us getting back together. Although getting back together with my ex at this time is highly unlikely, as she is in another relationship. She has been in another relationship almost immediately after we broke up. I chose not to get involved immediately after our relationship ended even though, at the time I too did meet someone who I thought was the "right" person. Unfortunately, this was a case of bad timing and bad circumstance and it never turned into a relationship. I was not ready to get involved again so soon. I needed to know, then and still need to know now, that I do not need to be in a relationship with another person, in order for me to be happy. I am finally begining to feel happy with being with just myself. There are also many things that I am realizing, that I actually, perfer doing alone. I am now learning to encorporate these new feelings into my being. I could not do this while having an emotional attachment to another. I needed to be alone to find myself and I am doing it. It is not the only way to do this.

    Here is something I wrote last week. I keep repeating it to myself, I guess in a way it is my new "mantra". (not for meditatiing)

    Happiness = "wanting" what you already have!

    Glad to be back in the forum

    Hope you are all doing well. Look forward to reading more of your replies.

    Irene
     
  2. seatrend8899

    seatrend8899 Member

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    Hey!

    Hey Irene! Great to see you back. Great to hear that you are finding inner strength in your journey.

    I gotta get a pic up for ya too but once I do it still won't help boost the wisdom aspect :D.


    shine on :) :)

    jim
     
  3. Panthau

    Panthau Member

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    Hey Irene, welcome back to the forum! :)

    Thanks for sharing your experience! Seems like you´re a bit more progressed than i am, i think its a wonderful thing to let go of relationships and learn to be happy with yourself... a good background for a new, wonderful and healthy relationship!
    I for myself seem to be confused about my relationship atm, and i think there are some things i still need to learn about it. Atm i feel good with my girlfriend, she´s a great person (she always was) and a wonderful mother.

    16 miles a night (?), wow thats big sports :)

    I like your "mantra", though id call it "let go of wanting" but thats more a matter of taste, isnt it? :) :)
     
  4. CharlieBrown

    CharlieBrown Member

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    I DO NOT intend this as a comment for any of you, of course, but just as a general comment, which was just triggered by the comment above: I think it would be fantastic not only learning how to “let go” of relationships, but also how to “make them work”.

    My personal believe is that, today, relationships are becoming very much “interest based”: I remain with you as long as all is fine, when tough moments come, rather than fight through them and use them to grow, I just “let go” and move on to the next relationship; this also when, for example, there are children involved and terminating a relationship means, in effect, destroying a family.

    I believe this approach is just encouraging people not to invest enough into the relationships, knowing that there is always the back door of “letting go”…
     
  5. pollyanna

    pollyanna Moderator

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    Sometimes relationships don't work out - only each individual can decide and it's nearly always a tough emotional decision.

    I think the following quote is helpful for the best and any loving relationship:-

    “Your family and your love must be cultivated like a garden. Time, effort, and imagination must be summoned constantly to keep any relationship flourishing and growing.” -Jim Rohn

    A great foundation for any relationship is the one you create with yourself so a little daily meditation is worth it's weight in gold ;) I wish you all peace, joy and loving relationships :) :) :)
     
  6. GilesC

    GilesC Member

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    Hi Irene,

    There is emotional attachment and then there is true (unconditional) love. These two things are not the same. Emotional attachment is a product of the ego and, whilst we can use this as a tool in our lives, it is not the true nature of love.

    True love exists between every person, although often it is covered up and we aren't aware of it. Once we are aware of the true love, we are never alone, we are never by ourselves, we simply are the Self.

    Subtley profound. I like it. :rolleyes:
    If you already have it, you can't want it, therefore happiness does not exist (wait for it...) in the sense of attachment, yet happiness is ever present.

    I know you probably didn't mean it like that, but I love playing with words. hehe! ;)

    And good to see you back too. *big hug*
     
  7. Panthau

    Panthau Member

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    Isnt it all a part of beeing alive and experience... let go, fight for it, dont care, care...its all the same, just different sides of the cube. :)
     
  8. CharlieBrown

    CharlieBrown Member

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    Well, just go tell this to the kid who's seeing his or her family destroyed - I am not expect they will have such a Zen approach to the matter...

    This said, I recognize my point of view is biased by my personal experience...
     
  9. GilesC

    GilesC Member

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    I'm tight on time, so I'll keep this short...

    Many families do "destroy" themselves.
    The point is that there is no requirement to "destroy" things when choosing to end a relationship, just that most people aren't aware how to do that.

    It's perfectly possible for people to amicably choose to seperate and, where kids are involved, involve the children in the choices as well as the mechanism of how that child will be able to be with both parents still.

    There is no "need" for destruction, anger, resentment, jealousy etc. as these are all false-emotional-ego-mind things. The issue comes when most people believe that the only way to end a relationship is through these emotions, probably because that is the only way they know how, from what they have learnt in the past.

    Hugs

    Giles
     
  10. Ta-tsu-wa

    Ta-tsu-wa Member

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    Certainly, there are people who view relationships and marriages as "disposable". One need look no further than the lives of our Hollywood icons to see the evidence for this mentality.

    However, I don't think the suggestions here about "letting go" were intended to represent that kind of faux-commitment. I think what was meant is "letting go" in a positive sense as in, "not saddling the other person with relationship performance demands to suit our own wants".
     
  11. Edwin

    Edwin Member

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    Pan, I just wanted to say that you are not alone in doing this, trying again like this I mean.
    I have been in similar situations with my wife in the past.

    Of course it can still go wrong for you, but you might like to hear that for me and my wife, it turned out ok in the end.

    Emotions seem to creep up on you, and at the point where you say "this can't go on like this anymore" when you are fed up with the relationship, and drop it ( or so it seems ) you drop a part of your belief system together with it. And then you find out that the space left by that part of your ego that has been dissolved, is filled up with love.

    Believe me, I have been there. And yet this month we will be celebrating our 10th wedding anniversary :)
     
  12. Panthau

    Panthau Member

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    Thanks Edwin, you´re so right. We had this several times before, and everytime we growed up a little more. In fact i believe its totaly necessary if one wants to evolve "and" keep the relationship. I believe thats the point were most people say that "we just drifted apart".

    10 years, a long time - congrats! :)
    We are together since 9 years, but not married yet :)
     
  13. Panthau

    Panthau Member

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    Just want to share my experiences with LF7.

    Maaan this is crazy! I´ve had some really mystic experiences, such as seeing the inner core of jesus or the path of my life. Nevertheless, this may be something or it may be nothing. Whats really interesting about it is, is the fact that it brings up some really heavy emotion. Its like 10, 9 and 8 cleared the path for my sexual abuse story.

    I´ve blocked this (unconsciously) my whole life, but now its here...like an elefant sitting on me. Im having derealisations, anxiety and im a nervous wreck - not really able to do my job atm, so im turning it a bit down and switch between 8 and 7. This sounds hard, and it is...but im so glad i came to this point at last. Im already having an appointment with my psychotherapist, working with EMDR... this should be of help.

    So, like jim always says... shine on! :)
    Pan
     
  14. Edwin

    Edwin Member

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    Wow Pan...

    It sounds crazy, but I guess congratulations are in order.
    The re-surfacing memories are a clear sign that you must be ready for processing this.

    If done the right way, you can rid yourself of the memories of these emotions for the rest of your life ! EMDR will most likely help you with it, so good for you !
    When it comes to the panick attacks:

    Remember the Skunk ! ;)

    I will say a prayer for you and be thinking about you for the coming week. I wish you all the strength needed for transcending the Great Disruptor of your life.

    Love,

    Edwin
     
  15. seatrend8899

    seatrend8899 Member

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    Pan "we are in your corner"! It will take time but time will be your friend.


    shine on (with Love) :) :)

    jim
     
  16. Panthau

    Panthau Member

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    Yeah the skunk... gotta face the smell! hehe

    Thanks guys :)
     
  17. Panthau

    Panthau Member

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    EMDR brought up some repressed emotions, though there are some left. The depression growed and i start to feel a bit confused... today i fell asleep during LF7, which shows me that its too much atm, gonna switch back to 8 for a while.

    Just completing what i begun writing :)
     
  18. GilesC

    GilesC Member

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    Hi Pan,

    I'm sure it's a bit like when you were moving from 9 to 8 and you felt better staying with 9 for a while. I'm guessing you're discovering the pace for lifeflow that suits you.

    Hugs

    Giles
     
  19. seatrend8899

    seatrend8899 Member

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    Hi Pan,
    I still have not built the meditation stool yet as my cycles are spent focusing on building a deck and putting in a patio before winter...(rookie at both challenges)...:eek:

    I gotta ask though, how did you fall asleep sitting on a meditation stool? I am on LF7 while lying down and usually i do fall asleep but the body gets such a deep rest it does not bother me. However, as meditation is my goal once I build the stool I will stay on LF7 until I am sure that no upheavals occur. If they don't I will progress to LF6 (progress is the wrong word as every level is unique and no race condition should exist here). I have jumped back to LF10 a few times in the last week or so and it is awesome. The great aspect is that all levels help us and cycling back and forth I feel is perfectly A-OK. It is like a journey where we explore and "retrace" sections that we have covered.........since the levels sequence the frequency range all have benefit and can be used at random :) :).


    shine on :) :)

    jim
     
  20. Panthau

    Panthau Member

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    Exactly (it was 10 to 9 :) )!

    Of course its no race to get to lvl1, because as u said, every level has its benefits and can be used for different life situations, i think. Nevertheless does every lvl clear an emotional layer inside me, so its not a race but a way for me atm, how long it may ever take...

    Its not like that i fall asleep and stay there, im just losing consciousness for a few seconds. As u asumed, falling asleep for more then a few seconds is nearly impossible on this chair :)
    For me its a clear sign that im overwhelmed, because i dont ever fall normaly asleep while im meditating, except when have only slept for 4h or less - and that even feels different.

    Im curious how your meditation will change when u have build the chair! :)

    Pan
     

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