1. Unfortunately The Project Meditation Community Forum is no longer active. Although registration and the creation of new posts not possible, you can still read and search the forum...

    If you are unable to find what you are looking for within the Project Meditation Community please check out our new Blog and/or our Facebook page.

Postcard on the way back from the edge

Discussion in 'Meditation Chatter Box' started by Coenrad Morgan, Oct 28, 2008.

  1. chris063

    chris063 Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2008
    Messages:
    137
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    16
    Hi Bhavya, you are right, life can be truly wild, but standing still in the eye of the storm just letting it blow around you has to be the most amazing experience ever... :)
     
  2. Edwin

    Edwin Member

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2007
    Messages:
    1,858
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    36
    Coenrad, are you ok ?

    I haven't heard from you since the weekend...

    Are you in a low ? If so, contact me !
     
  3. Coenrad Morgan

    Coenrad Morgan Member

    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2008
    Messages:
    136
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    16
    Ping..........

    Hi, Edwin

    No, nothing dramatic going on, on my end of the Atlantic, just getting on with chopping water, carrying wood (You can tell just by that, that Zen may be a bit above me at the moment), thanks for your concern.

    I don’t have much on my mind (Yay….meditation is working ) other than Bhavya’s water crisis, (Darn – lost the center 5 words later – but I’m getting better at it) I’m both sorry to hear about it and simultaneously inspired by how Bhavya is able to simply observe his worries, something Chris seems to have gotten a firm grip on also, I am yet to be able to do that, but look forward to the next challenge as an opportunity to try it out. (thus far Chris’s inner body awareness is what I have practiced but that also leads to avoidance as apposed to confronting issues with presence,at least for me thats what I have been doing, I have work to do on this front.)

    Pollyanna, you’re an inspiration as always, Uncle Keith, I wish I could have been there with you and your brother and around Pollyanna’s fire, thank you both for taking me along with you in spirit.

    I will probably post very little as chopping water is hard work and seemingly never gets done, also I don’t want to post just for the sake of it, and as I don’t have very much to say at the moment.

    Also others looking for answers here need to be able to see results, until I can provide insight through insanity in a meaningful way, they are left in your more than capable hands. (lots of useful insights here)

    I send you all my warmest and sincere regards

    Coenrad
     
    Last edited: Nov 12, 2008
  4. Bhavya

    Bhavya Member

    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2008
    Messages:
    315
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    16
    Sharing our journeys

    I don’t have much on my mind (Yay….meditation is working ) other than Bhavya’s water crisis, (Darn – lost the center 5 words later – but I’m getting better at it) I’m both sorry to hear about it and simultaneously inspired by how Bhavya is able to simply observe his worries, something Chris seems to have gotten a firm grip on also, I am yet to be able to do that, but look forward to the next challenge as an opportunity to try it out.

    Coenrad, just to be clear, I haven't arrived at anything. I've experienced some breakthroughs but it comes and goes. People get high when success comes but then another challenge comes along and bam! where did all that bliss go? For me, success is not what this forum is about...it's more about sharing the journey, perhaps just listening rather than giving advice (that's a hard one for me because I always want to solve everyone's problems and end their suffering which of course is impossible!)

    Chris’s inner body awareness is what I have practiced but that also leads to avoidance as apposed to confronting issues with presence,at least for me thats what I have been doing, I have work to do on this front.)

    I think the theory is that "confronting issues" with presence comes out of presence so if awareness deepens, the solution appears. I keep hoping that's true because my water situation is a continuing challenge. I can say that the awareness has brought more peace around it....:eek: but no solution yet! :( This is where faith comes in and that's helping too.

    I recognize that your previous postings probably took a tremendous amount of time unless you write really quickly but I hope you will continue to let us know how you are. I personally feel very fond of you

    Wishing you peace and joy on your journey
    Bhavya ( female, through and through :p)
     
  5. Coenrad Morgan

    Coenrad Morgan Member

    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2008
    Messages:
    136
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    16
    where did that come from?

    Hi , I thank you for the guidance, I seldom talk, have spent months in almost near silence, as for listening, the only way I or anyone ever learns, your correct as always, however; I believe that I have been misunderstood and therefore mis-quoted.
    • If I had the answers to everyones problems, I wouldnt be here, not in the condition I arrived here in (which has dramatically improved due to the practice of meditation as taught by Discover Meditation and refined by ones peers in this forum.)
    • I was giving feedback based on how it was going as a case study for those who need more than the many sincere one liners stating how well this works, and it does, it's not nor was ever intended as a how its done discussion on my part but how is it going, what the possible pitfalls are as I have experienced them, I cannot speak for anyone else nor give advise (other than point out a book or two, I dont think I have given anything other than encouragement if I could.)
    • Rather than how its done, which takes years of insight and study (which I dont have), I purely intended to reflect on my very limited and short term exposure to meditation (which is all I have to give) and its benefits, thus the many personal details given in order to clearly illustrate what is and is not happening from my perspective, not from the perspective of the Art of meditation and its mass of possible applications.
    The bliss comes and goes but I have learned my world and my perception of it is based more on how I am internaly as apposed to how it really is, in this regard alone I have noted dramatic improvements in my state of mind, as for my comments about your water issue, I was and am still impressed by both Your and chris's ability to sit and observe what must me a very stressful condition, I cannot do that and am motivated by those who can........all I meant and specificaly said, nothing more.

    I spend vast amounts of time reading both here and several books trying to make sense of it all, I see no end to this process, I'm less than a month into it. Before Lifeflow, all I could think of was returning to Thailand and entering a monestary in the South as offered to me by the Abbot of the temple I was staying at,(it seemed the only way out for me) it is now clear that I can learn and progress in meditation where I am, in the environment and language I understand, I just need access to power to charge my MP3 player, Lifeflow costs less than selling all you have for airline tickets......every day in every way getting better and better.

    I appreciate the time you have taken to advise me, much appreciated.

    Regards
    Coenrad
     
    Last edited: Nov 12, 2008
  6. Bhavya

    Bhavya Member

    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2008
    Messages:
    315
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    16
    Apologies!

    Oh dear, Coenrad I think you might have misunderstood me too.

    What I was trying to say is that I myself am no more successful than you. Sometimes I can step back and see patterns (and you've shown that you can do this as well) and sometimes it crystallizes into some kind of aha! moment which diffuses the emotion around an issue but I feel I'm still a beginner and really have no more wisdom than you or anyone else. I was really trying to write a disclaimer!

    I think all that you've been so generously sharing shows tremendous insight and is presented in a way that's brilliant, with tremendous clarity. You really are one of the most articulate people I know and could easily be a professional writer. Moreover, you have something meaningful to say and I've been learning from you all along. I was hoping to encourage you to continuing your sharing....

    Peace?

    Bhavya
     
  7. Coenrad Morgan

    Coenrad Morgan Member

    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2008
    Messages:
    136
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    16
    There never was anything else but peace, below all the noise I'm making

    Hi Bhavya,

    There isnt a problem, communication is a process, sometimes trial and error ( and believe me, foot in mouth disease jumped the species barrier in my case a long, long time ago, in a galaxy...), the important thing is we where open, got it sorted, no around the water cooler whispering (dont you just hate that...oh by the way, have you heard...?) where all friends here, sometimes we have misunderstandings...so what, you rock, this doesnt change that, never could, never will.

    The problem with text is, the word is there, but the tone you as the reader fill in....thats where it goes off the rails, I think, at least for me it does, Im aggresive, therefore everyone else is an aggressor - back to the world and your perspective of it are based on how you are and not nearly as much as how it really is.

    Your okay Pilgrim, you walk tall, shoot straight, speak the truth...Im okay, where okay, learned that from somebody.....who could that have been?:)


    By putting it out there, Edwin picks my mind, and Chris kicks my 6 o clock every now and then, thats probably the only way I have been able to get through a very trying time, by learning how others approach similar issues, I sometimes wonder how I am ever going to get through this, and your right, faith.....something I have only recently started re-kindeling......that fire went out a long time ago and is slowly returning.....

    I feel very lost at the moment....I am changing so quickly and I dont know how to balance the internal change with whats always been out there, I can only describe it as panic, something is happening, it seems possitive..........I'm 39 years old and I dont know who the guy in the mirror is, nor did i ever really care........what does he want...its slowly coming together but until it does, I'm very, very edgy.

    I tend to withdraw when in crisis, go off on my own for a while, then come back.....when I've dealt with it or it with me.....time to do that again I think, as I was trying to subtly indicate in my post to Edwin.

    I just hoped that by doing this, someone else would see some of themselves here somewhere and be encouraged to at least try Discover Meditation and connecting with others....I'm way out of my comfort zone and home sick for it as a result.

    Didn't mean to offend you, just prefer things to be out there and honest, easier to work from there.
     
    Last edited: Nov 12, 2008
  8. Edwin

    Edwin Member

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2007
    Messages:
    1,858
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    36
    What would Eckhart say...

    After reading your posts it would probably be something like:

    "Now it is really important you stay in presence"

    Feeling lost as you describe might very well mean your ego is panicking !
    That means, even tho it doesn't feel like it at the time, you are walking in the right direction, in fact, when looking back, I can see you coming closer ;)

    You seem to carry that big thing on your shoulder Eckhart calls EGO on your left, and the other thing Eckhart calls DRAMA on your right shoulder, but it seems they are falling apart !

    Don't worry, it is ok to spill these things, take the load of your shoulders so to speak.
    Use your feeling of being lost as a meditation object ! Try to take a step back, look at it, smile at it.

    And for heaven's sake, don't take me serious, I am not a Guru ;)

    I am a locksmith :p
     
  9. Coenrad Morgan

    Coenrad Morgan Member

    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2008
    Messages:
    136
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    16
    Hi Edwin,

    As strange as it may seem, having read and listened to so many of Eckhart Tolle's books and CD’s since returning from Thailand, I thought that this is most certainly the path that appeals to me. I had read some of Dr Wayne Dyers books and he spoke of Maslow’s Hierarchy, similar in terms of the development of a selfless inter related being as apposed to a self centric being which is in denial of its dependence on others, and its clear from my experiences over the past 2 weeks or however long I have been here, that I will undoubtedly read these books and listen to these CD’s numerous times again.

    Edwin, I don’t know what is happening to me, the closest I get to describing it is “lost” and “found” all at the same time, and what is this I have found because it feels foreign to me?

    Not long ago, “the story” was what kept me going, it was constantly on my finger tips and tip of the tongue, without thinking I could recite “this happened to me, then that happened, he / she it did this or that…”, and it drove me, it was what got me through the day and sustained me during those times when the odds where not in my favor.

    Aggression works for me, but it made me tired, I have been told 3 times by Doctors that if I didn’t change the way I lived, they would be surprised if I made it past my early 40’s, I wasn’t even close to polite in my answer to one Doctor, gave him "the gospel according to the real world" sermon. I didn’t need a Doctor to tell me I was miserable, unfulfilled and not afraid of death, honestly I often hoped tonight would be the night as I went to bed, if I woke up, I was 110% on before my first cup of coffee, 6 or 7 cups later, I was primed. There has always been this list of projects I wanted to complete or specifications to write or research I wanted to do, exams I needed to write, on and on it went, sitting around on a week-end was a waist of time, there must be something “I can do or should be doing”. Behind me is a 2.5m x 4m bookshelf, its packed with technical books and manuals, you wont find a single work of fiction (other than some love letters from ladies in the past) anywhere in my 3 bedroom apartment. People used to tell me to “chill” or “relax”, more than one asked if I was always so intense and serious…..”duh, obvious…..less talk, more action, see you later”…..my medical history over this period reads like slow motion suicide, ulcers, high blood pressure…..but I kept pushing “cowboys don’t cry” I was raised to believe.

    I started reading The Power of Now in December of 2007, by February, by way of a bizarre chain of events, I wound up in Thailand, spent almost 3 weeks at Wat Chedi Hoy in almost total silence, could not speak Thai, they didn’t do much English, then northern Brazil, they don’t do much English, I don’t do Portuguese…….I returned in April some time, spent virtually everyday since then on my own and in silence, I dont even pray out loud, I’m not big on socializing, nor do I really get lonely…..by another set of Bizarre events, I now work from home, have access to the internet, wound up here somehow.

    I have religiously done the full 40minutes at least once a day, every day and in as little as 2 or so weeks, I have increasingly began to lose interest in “the story”, don’t really think about the past, it just isn’t interesting anymore, its still there but doesn’t hold such an emotional charge , it sometimes feels like a book I have read some or other time. When I write my posts, I need reference it by way of context for the case study, but it often is hard remembering the past now….I can, it’s very much there, but I need to think about it but don’t really want to all that much as I did before. I now find myself wondering “what now?”, “who am I”……I feel absolutely lost without the heaviness of “the story” driving me, I don’t know how to live without being constantly on the offensive. What is to become of me, I don’t know how to use what ever state of mind this is……..I’m opening emotionally and don’t really know what to do about it….in the past I stomped on it and slammed a lid on “sissy, touchy, feely stuff”, if I have to be honest, it terrifies me. Many of the books I am reading now make more sense than they did before, I want to reach out to people, for more than 2 decades I’ve wanted them to leave me alone. What ever is happening, its comforting and terrifying all at once, that “lost yet found” feeling….I don’t like being out of control unless that meant my foot in someone’s pelvic x-ray or visa versa….now I don’t know….I just don’t know. My mind has had a strong case lately, and I might buy it….midlife crisis…….get done with this touchy feely nonsense….date and dress like a teenager, then GET REAL and back to “the story”, but somehow that explanation doesn’t fit either, mid life is about re-establishing identity…….I just don’t care much for it, it has and still does cause more trouble than its worth, even maintaining it is a huge effort, neither do I care much about my job title or someone elses, who cares?….I’m wide open, increasingly sensitive and so tired of fighting, have developed strong bonds with you lot, even stronger bonds with a more than significant other…..just don’t know myself like this, don’t know what to do now…….don’t want to wind up on a park bench with a dumb grin on my face not caring about what I will eat tonight or when I will have food…..want to be in this world but not of it….just don’t know how……the comfort zone is a distant memory?

    I need to go off-line and figure this out......it's not heavy, quite the opposite.....just cant make sense of what's going on with me......and I'm instinctively fighting it....I feel very threatened by it, yet I am increasingly at ease.......Im honestly a little terrified....do I fight it or not...do I get real or am I getting real for possibly the first time......how do you live without the threat of an enemy, something to appose, something to go after and to heck with the consequences......I've either got to man-up, quick, fast and in a hurry and add to my collection of scars, or ride this out and see where its leading....soul-up instead, I don't know?
     
    Last edited: Nov 12, 2008
  10. Coenrad Morgan

    Coenrad Morgan Member

    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2008
    Messages:
    136
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    16
    CRASH TEST DUMMY POST MORTUM - What Does Google Say?

    dissociation
    Psychiatry. the splitting off of a group of mental processes from the main body of consciousness, as in amnesia or certain forms of hysteria.
    Psychiatry. A psychological defense mechanism in which specific, anxiety-provoking thoughts, emotions, or physical sensations are separated from the rest of the psyche.

    I have spent some time trying to figure out why Meditation seems to be making my life worse after having so dramatically improved it initially, in 18 days I have had one major relapse into a depressive state, followed by what is described above. I have come to understand that this is not uncommon, I recall a Q&A session after a mindfulness one day teaching retreat with a well known Tibetian Buddhist monk, one of the participants reported being quite nasty and touchy at times which contradicted his spiritual beliefs, I cant recall his exact response but it was along the lines of , its just stuff coming up from your consciousness, observe it and become aware of it, release it prior to it being expressed, it happens, it wont last…something like that.

    The TM guys in the intro talk spoke of becoming “spaced out” due to practicing meditation for excessively long periods, they recommended a maximum and minimum of 2 30 minute sessions, one in the morning, one at night. LifeFlow is far beyond that in terms of effectiveness and the method taught in Discover Meditation is equivalent to that taught by TM, in combination Michael recommends not over doing it, much like exercise.

    According to what I read through a Google search, dissociation goes hand in hand with high levels of stress. I don’t sleep much, maybe a couple of hours, have a life situation that is a cause of tremendous stress – that park bench waiting for me, I have meditated using LifeFlow 10 no matter how tired, done the full 40 minutes almost always, have recently used it as much as 3 / 4 times in a day….that equates to 2hours+ in a day (Saturday, by Sunday i started feeling "distant"), this seems to be the issue….the crash test dummy put his foot on the gas and got caught (by a self induced wall) speeding…….nothing dramatic, mystical or even remotely unusual in meditation circles it seems from what I have read, it also appears to be more prevalent with over eager beginners.

    I believe that the correct approach here is to back off meditation for a day or so, until I feel more or less “normal”, then pick it up again and not push my luck with so little experience…..someone I trust with more than my life, in fact my heart, advised me to just be easy with this, change can be unpleasant and if handled correctly, there is the possibility of making a break through, I am encouraged by her having passed through this and beyond that, I am assured that I will find myself in a much better state of mind, I must just handle this correctly.

    PollyAnna, as your no stranger to where I find myself at present, also as a highly experienced member of this community, do you have any guidance here, your opinion is highly regarded and your voice, that of reason and experience? Chris, any ideas?
     
    Last edited: Nov 13, 2008
  11. Montana Keith

    Montana Keith Member

    Joined:
    May 1, 2008
    Messages:
    176
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    16
    Hi Coenrad,
    I recently went back and read some of Michael's articles. I thought this one might be of use. Take care. --Keith :)


    Michael Mackenzie December 5th, 2007 17:41
    ________________________________________
    Your Resistance

    When new information is compatible with your “map of reality” it is accepted, when it is different to your pre-conceived ideas or past experiences it is ignored or resisted.

    Our understanding of our map of reality helps us to understand why there is so much resistance to change. The way we perceive things to be and our map of reality are a synopsis of our whole life and we are only capable of seeing things through this structure that we have created.

    Most people don't like change and feel threatened by it because they feel comfortable and safe the way they are. When change occurs, fear and the resistance to change follow, even if it appears obvious that some benefits would be gained. Whenever people resist something they inevitably experience discomfort and suffer.

    Whenever people do not behave in accordance to the way we believe is right, or something unpleasant happens that we dislike, we automatically build up our resistance and blame the other person or the incident for our discomfort and suffering.

    Yet in truth our suffering is not caused because of what happens outside of our self – it is the effect of our internal resistance. Because we believe that the cause of resistance lies outside of ourselves, we also believe the way we react internally is normal and acceptable.

    The following Serenity Prayer holds so much wisdom:-

    “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
    courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”


    Different ideas will constantly be dismissed until the proof of the need for change is so overwhelming, that a paradigm shift has to take place. If we let ourselves look inwards with a lack of involvement, this will enable us to observe our individual patterns of resistance.

    Meditation helps us to gradually release backlogs of stress and suppressed emotions. In order to do this, suppressed emotions will at some point be brought to the surface during meditation to allow them to be released. With this in mind, you may occasionally feel irritable and restless or agitated during meditation. If this happens it means you are resisting something. It isn’t the actual suppressed emotion that is making you feel like this; it is the resistance itself that is causing the discomfort.

    Always remember whenever you feel any discomfort in meditation, it simply means you are resisting and it is the resistance itself that is causing the discomfort.

    The solution to resisting is to simply and unemotionally observe your thoughts and feelings with unattached curiosity. Simply accept whatever thoughts and feelings you experience, and just observe them, unemotionally. Just be aware of them and watch them with great curiosity and indifference. When you consciously and calmly observe anything that does not serve you well it will simply fritter away.

    For the majority, meditation becomes a wonderful part of life bringing endless benefits. For a small percentage of people who have suffered severe trauma when they were young and cannot face old memories or feel extremely anxious I highly recommend using the Sedona method alongside LifeFlow Meditation. Read about the Sedona Method by clicking here. Sedona Method (official site) The Secret self-help program; self-improvement technique

    Meditation cultivates the inner observer, and by observing this process we can realize a whole range of ingenious possibilities of dealing with each situation in life instead of resisting and suffering.

    By Michael Mackenzie :)
     
  12. Coenrad Morgan

    Coenrad Morgan Member

    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2008
    Messages:
    136
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    16
    Thanks Keith

    This article is very useful - I am very grateful to you for the time it took to select the appropriate article, Michael has written so many good ones.

    Thanks Buddy - your more than Okay.:)
     
  13. chris063

    chris063 Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2008
    Messages:
    137
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    16
    Hi Coenrad,

    I think Keith's post with Michael's advice deals perfectly with resistance issues... My own experience is that the sooner you become aware that you are resisting something and allow whatever feelings, thoughts or emotions you are having come to the surface, to be identified or acknowledged, you will feel a great sense of relief and peace. I find it works best for me to wait for words which describe the thought or feeling to pop into my mind... sometimes what presents itself sounds quite silly but so far it has always made perfect sense to me, and I feel like I have literally detached and released whatever the particular issue was. Feels good, I can tell you!! :)

    Regarding the 'dissociation'...I know that I can easily overdo the meditation and start feeling overly detached and distant myself, so I accepted at the outset that I wouldn't rush through the Lifelow course and rarely do more than 30 minutes a day. I'm also planning on giving myself a couple of months with each level! My advice would most definitely be that you don't overdo it. If you start to feel spaced out and disconnected, DROP THE MEDITATION until you feel more grounded!!

    Hope that helps,

    Chris :)
     
  14. Coenrad Morgan

    Coenrad Morgan Member

    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2008
    Messages:
    136
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    16
    Blinded by pure Awesomeness

    Hi Chris,

    My lady would like you, you seem to share an uncommon gift for putting things clearly, I have come to trust your advice, thank you, and your right, the gym junkies will tell one that you can actualy make negative gains from exercising too much, it seems that that may be the case here too.

    Thank you for the information and encouragement Chris.

    Most sincerely
    Coenrad
     
    Last edited: Nov 14, 2008
  15. bashmaki

    bashmaki Member

    Joined:
    Jul 22, 2008
    Messages:
    442
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    16
    You guys never cease to amaze me wit hthe infomation you come up with coupled with the timeliness of said information..
    Thanks,
    gus
     
  16. pollyanna

    pollyanna Moderator

    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2007
    Messages:
    1,935
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Hi there Coenrad,
    just caught up with this thread. The autumn colours are amazing and spectacular. I think we all raked and picked up a million leaves on Saturday and then I cleaned all the patios (which were becoming a bit slippery) with the karcher. After 6 hours (great fun but tiring) I tried to drink a cup of coffee. I could raise my arm fine up to six inches before my mouth and then I lost all control of my co-ordination and it looked like I had the shakes :D Created a great laugh though :)

    What relevance the above has is beyond me - but that's what part of my week-end has been taken up with :p

    Then I did LifeFlow (Thank goodness) and I will write about this in another success thread because I think it will be interesting for everyone to know.

    Back to this thread, I think Keith gave you great advice in finding the report on Resistance - it is so helpful to re-read these reports every now and again. Also Chris was so wise in suggesting that you don't rush things.

    As for me I think you are or hopefully were suffering from the "eager beaver syndrome" :eek: I'm sure 2 hours in a day is way too much although I can understand why you might want to speed up the process.

    Be kind, gentle and allow yourself the time to gradually release all the supressed stuff. I really want you and everyone to enjoy the unfolding journey and experience the inner joy and peace as much as I have :) :) :)
     
  17. bashmaki

    bashmaki Member

    Joined:
    Jul 22, 2008
    Messages:
    442
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    16
    Here you go Coenrad!!
     
  18. Coenrad Morgan

    Coenrad Morgan Member

    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2008
    Messages:
    136
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    16
    Silent teacher to a silent witness

    Thanks Gus, I think I will, one last time, *testing, testing, 1, 2, 3, *screach......is this thing working, can you hear me at the back; you can, sucks to be you :D?

    Forgive me Michael, for I have sinned (missed the mark), it has been more than a year since my last post. In that time, this forum became a place where posting became problematic, often out and out not worth it due to the infiltration of a member out to cause controversy who despite having been dealt with changed my perceptions of being raw in terms of detail initially aimed at possibly encouraging others as in, "if that screw ball can bennefit, I should try it; I honestly believe meditation to be that important, ironically I have practiced it less and less and for long periods, not at all.

    Other than that, if you don't have something to say, don't, also my demenour has darkened somewhat and thus what and the style in which I write has altered in alignment with that. PM Forum in that time has changed in character also, the dicussion aspect gradualy giving way to a more question, answer format and so it seems many have given up posting, a small number now consistantly post in the affore mentioned format, this is sad, this was a good place to come with a lot of activity.

    I have long agonized over how Postcard on the way back from the edge ended, I have often thought of deleting it; as I did this morning and almost every day. I am concerned that despite over 7000 views, its message got lost, the message being THERE IS HOPE, in that regard, I was writting it to myself as much as to those inclined to read it, after all, is this all there is, your born, mature, reproduce and then die; fruit Flies do that in around a week, for many of us, your stuck with 80 or so years before the trip is over, I used to feel sorry for fruit flies, now, I am not so sure that they have been dealt a bad hand by nature. So what to do, spend 80 odd years in a calm, centered state and then fall over, if that blows your hair back, but not for me.

    I am not going to fully enguage something unless there is value in it beyond what I can get out of a bottle of Whiskey, actually in the short term Alcohol is much more effective than meditation or Life Flow, the only problem is, as a crutch, it fixes nothing, just plasters over it as you get plastered, isnt fit outiside its intended responsible recreational use, leads to the sort of wisdom you wished you had never said, yes your boss needs more fibre in his diet but saying so on the microphone at the company Karioke night may have been a CLM, carreer limiting move. Then there's the esculation, the expense, loss of freedom to addiction, loss of anything and one meaningfull in your life, your liver is trashed, the only upside being you make new friends, on a 12 step programme. So life flow, even as a crutch, something that will get the purists here tangled in their knickers, WORKS, no your not going to be the Zeniest guy in town but even used badly from a meditative perspective, Life Flow works as well as alchohol to take the edge off and in time, you may take 12 steps forward as apposed to needing to take them as a program.

    About a year ago now, I had a pot in which I had a bamboo plant, and a Avacado pip / seed. The seed withered over time, the surface wrinkled, then it cracked, HOW BAD CAN IT GET.......I was going to throw it out but didn't, then one day I noticed something, a shoot, 3 little leaves, out of what looked like an utterly hopeless condition, LIFE. I have never forgotten that day and fully intend on growing old with that tree, its one of my most valuable teachers, and it taught in silence, never a word did it say but WHAT A MESSAGE........don't quit, no matter what circumstances, yes it looks bad but just possibly, you, your life needs to break for something better to unfold. That tree taught me that silence and awareness combined can lead to sometimes profound insight, the tree has no degree or fancy paperwork but it non the less allowed me through its natural unfoldment to accept my circumstances. I would not have seen anything in it had I not been aware of it, thus awareness as dull and pointless as it sounds, is the foundation of all else to arise within you and as a result project through your actions into the world around you, your life.

    As a function of this forum, more specificaly the people who post here and interact, I have progressed in terms of not only my coping skills but also my understanding of myself and flowing from that, those around me, I have made lasting bonds and learned have a long way to go, but look forward to it.

    Given the hammering I have taken since I last posted and the vastly more difficult stage I am currently in, I can with all honestly tell you, if your going through Hell, keep going, don't stop, use life flow well or badly, what ever it takes to get through another day but TRY, it really has been something that has helped me keep it together, beyond that when I have used it as intended, absolute silence emotionaly and from a thought perspective, something I have come to see as bliss has been a certainty around 70% or more of the time, not peace of mind, just a few moments of no mind and from there as my tree does, I intend to continue growing.

    In the end what came to me is this, POSTCARD ON THE WAY BACK FROM THE EDGE was a mistake, you dont develop or grow moving away from your difficulties, in fact, its moving towards them and facing them where one should be heading. Often and still today, I have no solutions for what I face, just determination to get through, in times like this when the stomach knots and the mind spins in cycles trying to find a solution, a few moments of peace in meditation, with or without Life Flow is often all it takes to just get through another day, and when the worst comes and I am worked up, Life Flow is often the only constructive way out of tension (without the 12 step becoming a possibility for me) to a point where meditation is possible at my level of skill, since that time classic magic has been released, that is an awesome blessing for those needing to regulate their mindstate when so close to the edge.

    Project Meditation has changed my life in many ways, not only the products but the people and the lessons learned and shared along the way.

    I wish you all well, and if you are reading this because you are struggling internaly, PLEASE download Discover meditation, its immensely powerful and usefull, later you may use another method but for now, you cant do better, also, if your feeling the pressure beyond what you can deal with, take it from me in all sincerity, try the life flow sample, loop it so it plays continuously based on that, decide if you want to enlist in the whole program, IT WORKS, it really does.

    I have missed "Postcard", its a good thing not to be a fruit fly, much more than a week to look forward to, even if the forecast in the interim is bleak.

    Most Sincerely
    Coenrad
     
    Last edited: Feb 12, 2010
  19. GilesC

    GilesC Member

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2009
    Messages:
    1,856
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    36
    Coenrad,

    I could write an answer or give my opinion on each part of your post but, having read it, I feel there is absolutely no need for me to do that (which is most odd for me!). All I can say is that your observation and wisdom and your observation of wisdom show that you have great realization of the question "who am I?"

    Thank you for your post; it is, and will be I am sure, most beneficial to many people.

    Hugs

    Giles
     
  20. hak1969

    hak1969 New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2010
    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Sounds similar

    Hey Conrad, you and I have many similarities.. ahh emotions stress.. so much fun.. Anywho when It comes to depression I am a Jedi :).

    One thing that has really changed my life in my arsenal of tricks to keep me sane, healthy and happy has been Rolfing. It was a very profound experience, and because I had ... shall we say excess baggage, I had to do the Rolfing while doing EMDR. The Rolfing would release memories and the EMDR man would make them not so significant..

    It was really an intense experience and it changed how I deal with people. As someone who is hyper-aware, with a nasty childhood I essentially acted like a caged feral animal... Things are different now.. I relate to people with confidence, I'm not ashamed of who I am. The crazy thing is that I didn't know I was in a cage till I broke free from it. ;)

    I mean.. I'm still me, and I will always run in fight or flight mode, but I have an arsenal to keep me safe and sane.. and somatic therapy worked wonders.
    You should look into it.
    Hilary
     

Share This Page