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Personal Development

Discussion in 'Mind, Body & Spirit' started by pollyanna, Feb 28, 2009.

  1. pollyanna

    pollyanna Moderator

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    That's wonderful news Beth - sorry for late reply - only noticed your post this morning. Look forward to hearing how you both do and I wish you continued peace and joy :) :) :)
     
  2. Ali F

    Ali F Member

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    Thank you!

    Thank you, Pollyanna, for your wonderful posts. So much inspiration...:):p:D:):p:D:):p:D THANK YOU!!!!
     
  3. sash

    sash Member

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    Wow

    Wow this thread has really inspired me. Thankyou pollyanna you are such an inspiration :D :D :D :D :D
     
  4. purplevibe

    purplevibe Member

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    Pollyanna - you have done it again!

    Well, what can I say? Marvellous poem, full of wisdom, wonderful woman ful of beauty, Pollyanna. I used to go on here a lot, but recently have been studying madly, so I have visited infrequently, but always find an answer. I went to a seminar about teacher-training on Friday and I was enthused, however others have told me since that I should perhaps go for an easier option, i.e. primary rather than secondary teaching. One friend suggested that since my son is at primary, I could work there, perhaps, so it would be easier to drop him off and collect him, as I would be on site. I go into this only because it shows the context of my experience this evening. I was thinking through this and decided that I have to do what I have a passion for, rather than what would be more convenient, even if it is going to be a tough couple of years, I know it will be worth it in the end. I have just deleted a load of stuff about Literature that is totally off the point. Pollyanna always comes out with some 'stuff' that really makes sense when I need it, and I thank you for that, Pollyanna, who really do live up to your name, you make the place a 'glad' place because you fill it with positive thoughts, not just that, but a context that we can all understand and need to hear, again and again, so that we can follow in your footsteps.

    On a literary note, have you thought about publishing your writings, you are a writer of great depth.

    You have elevated me again, thank you, I am high above my green sofa tonight. xxx
     
  5. pollyanna

    pollyanna Moderator

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    Thankyou Ali, Sash and Trish, you being inspired by the works of some great people who truly inspired me is the ultimate reward :)

    Whoever you decide to teach Trish will for certain have a great teacher with a wonderful attitude and outlook on life - I know you will touch many lives and make a difference to so many young people - what a beautiful goal and dream to work towards.

    I wish you all an abundance of peace and joy :) :) :)
     
  6. richard100

    richard100 New Member

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    I just wanted to Thank you for you're kind words and inspiration.
    So Thank You!
     
  7. pollyanna

    pollyanna Moderator

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    You're very welcome Richard and I wish you an abundance of peace and joy :) :) :)
     
  8. Fran2008

    Fran2008 Member

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    Hi Pollyanna. Firstly, I am in awe of you. You really walk the walk and are an inspiration. Your wisdom seems to go way beyond any number of years. Only an interesting life and person can result in so much wisdom.

    I do need some help in visualising. My story - I married young, had a beautiful daughter. The marriage broke up and I was devastated, broken. My daughter and I had a tough time but came through it and are very close. She is now 21 and my best friend. I met someone else and due to the fact that I was still very damaged I accepted and continue to accept a relationship which is less than perfect for me, but not awful. We have 3 young boys we both adore. They are aged 5, 3, 1.

    My partner hates my daughter - this started when she was a teenager and has escalated so he now cannot be in the same room as her and never speaks to her. Of course, she now has no respect for him. Both because of how he treats me and how he treats her. This has had a terrible effect on my relationship with my daughter as we are never relaxed together at home. She stays in her room if he is at home.

    She is away at the moment and the house is very peaceful. But that is just not good enough.

    So it is within my power to change all this.

    Luckily, I am financially secure for now and already pay for everything for the boys and myself. I own my house.

    I am at a loss - how do I find the right path to visualise? Any help would be greatly appreciated.
     
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2010
  9. Ta-tsu-wa

    Ta-tsu-wa Member

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    Fran, your story truly is heart breaking. With all the dynamic pieces to a situation that complicated you really should get the assistance of a competent counselor to help you work through it all.

    Situations of that scope affect everyone in the family, not just the step-father and daughter though they're at the nexus of the issue. It's obviously having an adverse effect on you. Even though your younger children seem happy enough with Mom and Dad don't underestimate their amazing capacity to feel and intuit what's going on that adults often mistakenly think they're successfully hiding from the kids. It's almost a guarantee they feel and are impacted by the sub-surface tensions regardless of how well you believe you cover it up.

    A counselor will probably want to work with everyone in the family so that he or she can assess and monitor just how each person is affected and what effect counseling is having on an ongoing basis.

    Best advice, enlist the help of a first rate counselor. Issues of this complexity are likely more than you can successfully resolve without intervention from a knowledgable third party.

    Having said that, meditation practices will certainly enhance any actions you take to get things functioning normally. The more family members you can get to participate, the better. Your two youngest may be too young, but certainly the 5 year old could be taught some simple practices in concentration and so forth. What would be most helpful is if you could get your oldest daughter and your partner to begin some sort of practice. Don't expect that either of them will miraculously reform completely just because of meditation, but it can lay some of the groundwork that will be required for change by both of them. In the meantime it may also help diffuse tensions and stress a little and make the situation less volatile. You're still going to need counseling, but meditation will act as a compliment to that.

    Make sure you take time for yourself as well. Those placed in the role of referee between hostiles often exhaust themselves by focusing so much on the fighting factions that they neglect their own needs. Too much of that and you burn out, making you of no use to them or to yourself. So make certain Mom monitors and attends to her own needs as well as everyone else's.
     
  10. Fran2008

    Fran2008 Member

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    Ta-tsu-wa, thank you so much for responding to my post. I really appreciate your taking the time to both read and respond.

    Just as an update, I tried to talk to my partner last night - mainly about the issue with my daughter - as things have been so calm while she is away. Unfortunately he said he would prefer to leave than live with the situation as he sees it. He feels that she doesn't respect him which is now true of course. He will not consider counselling.

    I never thought of counselling for the boys or my daughter. I think you are so right and can't believe I didn't think of it before. I do believe the boys are not getting a good view of how people - particularly women - should be treated. And my daughter is not being shown how she should expect to be treated.

    Thanks again for your help. I will continue to meditate and visualise and will encourage my daughter and sons to do so too.

    Many thanks for shining a light for me.
     
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2010
  11. pollyanna

    pollyanna Moderator

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    Dear Fran, I have just arrived home from a surprise vacation for a special wedding anniversary and so I apologise for the delayed reply.

    I whole heartedly agree with the good advice Ta-Tsu-Wa has given and I am really happy you are open to his suggestions.

    I would just like to say that I feel you are really in touch with your own intuition and this will help you greatly. Fran, try and allow your emotional guidance system to help you and trust your instincts. Deep inside, you know what to do, it's the indecision that's the killer. I do know one thing - "This too shall pass"

    When I look back on some emotional heartbreaking times in my life I can see clearly that had I acted on my instincts rather than wrestling with them I would have shortened the painful times instead of prolonging them. No matter now because all that I endured has made me stronger and able to understand others more.

    I am really pleased to hear that you are financially stable because you have more than enough to deal with emotionally right now.

    I have copied the piece below from one of Michael's news letters and I hope it is of some help to you.


    How to Free Yourself from Others Negativity.

    Don’t let other people wear you down. If you think that’s easier said than done please read on.

    The way to free yourself from the unpleasant affects of other people’s negative energy is to recognize and love yourself as you are, and to accept other people as they are and see them for where they can be.

    As you live more consciously through regular meditation you will love finding the real peaceful and happy you.

    You have total choice in every moment as to how you act in response to any situation. If someone throws their negativity at you by criticizing, condemning or taunting you, it is up to you what you do about it.

    By placing your attention on them, (even to show them how dreadful, incorrect, and unpleasant they are for doing what they’re doing to you) you are feeding that negative energy and engaging in a feedback loop that brings increased negativity back on yourself.

    You don’t have to diffuse the situation, or correct the other person’s perceptions. You just have to diffuse your own emotional charge about their perceptions. Don’t allow yourself to be drawn into their charge or you will be giving them way too much power over you.

    Nobody knows you better than you know yourself. If someone criticizes you, just remind yourself that it’s their ego, map of reality or belief system. Everyone’s got one, and everyone’s entitled to theirs. You don’t have to believe theirs. You only have to believe yours.

    Chances are, more often than not, the negativity we perceive as coming at us from another person was not even intended. We all communicate differently, but we all communicate from the same place – our own individual map of reality, our unique experience and perspective of life and the world.

    Most of the time, when someone’s talking to you, they’re not even paying much attention to you at all. They’re stuck inside their own heads (their map of reality, their unique experiences and perspectives), speaking to themselves, and you just happen to be the one present to witness it, the mirror off which they’re bouncing their own reflection. In other words: it’s not about you – even when they say it is.

    Allow someone to have their drama. You don’t have to make it yours. If you cannot tolerate being in the presence of it, remove yourself from its presence. Otherwise, just let it happen like the weather.

    Cloudy or sunny, your day goes on. Attention is energy. What makes the storms around you linger, what makes them worse, is when you feed them with your attention. Let the storms brewing around you blow over you, and they will blow over.

    Ignore them. Let it slide. Turn around and walk away. You don’t need to think of the right response, or the positive thing to say. Say nothing. It’s hard, but it works. Even if your silence only infuriates the perpetrator of the negativity, that’s over there, that’s them.

    You can be an oasis of peace even in the presence of choppy, shark infested waters.

    I wish you an abundance of inner peace, guidance and love :) :) :)
     
  12. Fran2008

    Fran2008 Member

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    Hi Pollyanna, what a lovely surprise - I hope you enjoyed your vacation. Thank you so much for responding.

    You are right of course - I know what to do but am really struggling with it. There are so many people involved here and none of them should be hurt.

    I am getting stronger every day though and this forum is really helping. Your accounts of your self development are truly inspiring.

    I feel weak for allowing our situation to go on for so long without protecting my children properly so I know I must gain strength. From what you have said in other posts, I will gain strength by embracing this challenge. I'm sure my loved ones will only benefit from that.

    Fingers crossed I get the strength, wisdom and compassion to make this next big step in my life.

    I wish you all the personal joy, contentment and fulfillment you deserve. Thank you.

    Fran.
     
  13. Edwin

    Edwin Member

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    Sometimes the best option is at best only the least damaging one.
    In an ideal world, everything should be solved in a way that nobody gets hurt.
    Unfortunately, we don't live in an ideal world.
    Go through all your options, find the option that is the least damaging for your surroundings, and yourself, and take that choice.
    You don't have to wait until you become stronger, the strength is allready inside you.
    Waiting until you are stronger is nothing more than a tactic of the mind to be able to put off the decision for a little longer.

    Don't take the decision alone, there are people who can help, professionals even. Also close friends who you can trust can be of huge assistance and supportive. They can set things in motion for you if you are unsure how to start.

    I think you are very brave !
     
  14. pollyanna

    pollyanna Moderator

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    Dear Fran, please remember you are not alone. I hope you act quickly and find help through some professional counselling for you and your children. You are not weak at all, just tied up it sounds in indecision.

    I wish you much peace and joy :) :) :)

    Here's a little proverb that may help:-

    Fear knocked at the door, faith and courage answered - no-one was there.
     
  15. Fran2008

    Fran2008 Member

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    'You don't have to wait until you become stronger, the strength is allready inside you.'

    'Fear knocked at the door, faith and courage answered - no-one was there.'


    Thank you both - these quotes are going on my fridge! I need the reminders and, like all things in life, confidence is the key. I'll take your belief and confidence in me and make them mine.

    Many thanks.
     
  16. frettyboi

    frettyboi Member

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    Just looking for a little advice here if any. As a person (currently 18 y/o) I notice that within the last year my personal development has changed drastically for the better. But I can only say this is half true. Especially right after meditation if I just think about things like why is this happening, what should I do to change this, etc. I can give myself direct answers in my mind whether this be from the meditation or simply growing up. This questions and answers are usually about living a better life for myself. I seem to know what I should do but when I go out into the world and hang out with my friends and do my activities I almost forget all of it and continue to do the same things I had just told myself should change. I dont expect to change my lifestyle right away but it has been almost 2 years since my thinking changed this way and I can't really see any progress besides me actually reading the Bible almost every day. Do my self wants just overpower my spiritual needs and do you think this is something that meditation will just someday help me get past?
     
  17. GilesC

    GilesC Member

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    Hi Frettyboi,

    Everyones progression will be at different rates depending on what has gone on in their past and their own individual life situations.
    Practice, practice and keep practicing. The more you put the practical ideas of living how you want into your consciousness, the more they will start to manifest in your daily life. It may be that you don't notice them as they may be just small things (such as not getting frustrated over something you may have done in the past), but over time, things will change.
    It is also easy to get distracted when you go out with friends etc. but that's ok, we can't expect things to change overnight. :)

    Hugs

    Giles
     
  18. stelusia

    stelusia Member

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    visualisation tools:)))

    i found on the youtube a lot videos for gratitude, self improvement, motivation and a lot more..i found them very helpful..i always start my day watching one or two of them:))) and because there is so many, it doesn't get boaring...
     

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