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Parenting Tips and Tricks

Discussion in 'Meditation Chatter Box' started by Jeb, Dec 7, 2008.

  1. Jeb

    Jeb Member

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    Well, I suggested elsewhere on this blog that someone start a parenting thread. I guess I am as good a "someone" as anyone else. Maybe we can discuss meditation and LifeFlow as it relates to raising our kids. Parents and kids welcome. No way is the right way. Some of the ways I used to raise my three boys were definately the WRONG ways! Speak up... and let's learn together.
     
  2. bashmaki

    bashmaki Member

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    Sominex works good!!!

    gus :)
     
  3. Jeb

    Jeb Member

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    Who do you give it to - yourself or your kids? ;)
     
  4. bashmaki

    bashmaki Member

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    The kids of course! LOL:)
     
  5. purplevibe

    purplevibe Member

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    Hi, I have used my own experience in relaxing with my 7 year old son. One night when I had read for him for a while and he couldn't sleep I used a relaxation technique I had learned in yoga classes and had used myself when on a company 'team weekend', trying to get to sleep in a strange bed. I don't know what it is called, but it is, 'relax your toes, relax your toes, my toes are relaxed', 'relax your feet, relax your feet, my feet are relaxed', 'relax your calves, relax your calves, my calves a-r-e r-e-l-a-x-e-d', 'relax your thighs, relax your thighs, my t-h-i-g-h-s are re - l-a-x-e-d', continue with this up your body to your face where you relax your jaw, that is a big one, your eyes, then you feel your body relaxing into the mattress, you tell yourself I am floating deep into the mattress. I am sure most of you are familiar with this exercise, it is nothing new, it really works, he was off to sleep and I too was so relaxed because my baby had gone to sleep feeling totally relaxed. We can teach our children the stuff we have learned to tune out or tune in, I just wish I had learned it at such a young age, I didn't learn it until I was in my mid-twenties! We can really give them something useful in their lives - peace, and how to achieve it!

    This is the nub, pass on to your children the peace you have become through meditation and any other spiritual exercises you have learned, my son does yoga with me, not because I ask him, but because he wants to join in with the energy, the pure energy he feels around him, what better lesson can we teach them? x :)
     
  6. Jeb

    Jeb Member

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    You are lucky to have discovered good parenting at such a young age. I didn't really get good at it until we lost our second son and my third son came along! Keep up the great work!
     
  7. WeeHoo

    WeeHoo Member

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    Let them follow if they want

    The biggest thing I've learned over the years is not to force any of this stuff on them. And by "this stuff" I mean all the things that I find on my journey, including meditation, EFT, The Work (Byron Katie's method of examining thoughts), the Release/Sedona method, blah blah blah...I know I've occasionally overwhelmed my daughters with my enthusiasm, and it's been a learning process for me to just quietly go about my practice and pass it along if they're interested. Whenever I think, "OMG I have GOT to show this to (insert daughter's name here)," I realize that I'm actually the one who needs it most. They hang in there with me about going to church, but some of the other practices seem a little out there for them. So I've learned not to push.
     
  8. purplevibe

    purplevibe Member

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    thank you for your comment, I am 45, and not so young, but I learned some relaxation techniques in the past, have done a lot of yoga.
     
    Last edited: Dec 17, 2008
  9. WeeHoo

    WeeHoo Member

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    So, Jeb, got any tips and tricks for us?

    I'm new to LifeFlow but have had two interesting things happen in the last week or two. One night I had the meditation music playing on my computer while I was doing something else entirely, and my nine-year-old asked if I'd burn her a CD of it so that she could listen to it as she falls asleep. She's used it every night since then. Then, a few nights ago, we were hanging out by the Christmas tree, reading, and I started playing the Creative Flow CD. Within about five minutes, this same daughter said, "This is really wierd. That music is talking to me." And then she asked me some rather deep questions about life and after-life and faith and a few other things. We had a great discussion.

    Is anyone else finding similar things when/if their kids hear LifeFlow CDs? Or have your interactions with your kids changed because of your LifeFlow use?
     
  10. bashmaki

    bashmaki Member

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    WeeHoo,
    Literally all my relationships with people have changed since I started LifeFlow. Recently I was thrust into a remote supervisory roll because the supervisor broke his leg over the weekend. It is going very well. Actually quite smooth and stress free.

    gus
     
  11. WeeHoo

    WeeHoo Member

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    So I can look forward to easier relationships with everyone, not just my kids? That's great. In the meantime, if anyone has used LifeFlow with their kids, I'd love to hear how you did that, and what changes if any you've noticed. I'm really curious about this, especially how to expose my teenager to it without provoking a huge amount of eye rolling! My sense is that I just need to keep doing it myself, and they'll pick up on it if they're interested. However, I admit I'm looking for sneaky ways to get them interested, sort of like slipping grated carrots into the pasta sauce!
     
  12. Jeb

    Jeb Member

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    Bashmaki - I have found the same thing has happened with me. My relationships are much more mellow, and I find that I can tolorate more and am much more patient than I was prior to LF.

    The best lession I learned raising three sons (oldest now 36, lost middle son 11 years ago, youngest 20) was to pick my battles carefully. The basic three rules: no alcohol, no tobacco, no drugs. With my first and second son I fought throughout the teen years. My oldest still has memories of our head butting contests. With our youngest, I picked battles carefully. Now at 20, he looks like a hippie from the 70s with the scraggly beard and long hair. But I can't complain, he is carrying a triple major, will graduate from college in three years, and is carrying a 3.95 average (I'm certainly bragging here, if you didn't notice).

    By the way, this youngest was raised was diametrically opposed to the battles I had with the oldest two.

    By the way, an old and wise friend of mine once told me that with boys, a father should let his wife raise the boys during their teen years. ;)

    Also, my wife (MSW and behavior specialist in a local public school) uses the 10 minute sample LF10 with hyper kids. She puts them under the headphones, starts the CD, and it usually calms them right down.

    Peace - have good holidays!
     
  13. WeeHoo

    WeeHoo Member

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    Jeb, do you mean that the way you raised your youngest was diametrically opposed to the way you raised the first two? I wasn't sure from your post if that was what you meant.

    And it that's what you meant, would you be willing to share in more detail what was so different in the way you raised the boys? Thanks.
     
  14. bashmaki

    bashmaki Member

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    Jeb,

    Your youngest sounds like quite a fellow and one any daddy would be proud of.

    My youngest is a little maniac. I've tried to strap the LF on him but he takes it off because he says it makes him tired. I've not tried too hard though. I don't want to force something he may take to when he gets a little older.
    I have 6 kids and, like you, have buried one.
    I always tell everyone if the youngest would have been first; he'd a been an only child. In reality he is a fine boy; just a bit reckless. Well maybe a lot reckless.:confused:

    gus
     
    Last edited: Dec 22, 2008
  15. Jeb

    Jeb Member

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    WeeHoo, yes, I meant that I/we (my wife probably more than I) raised Josh, our youngest, very differently that we did our oldest two. My middle son was physically handicapped, and confined to a wheel chair since he was about 12 and died at age 22, eleven years ago. If he had been able-bodied, he would have been the hardest of the three. But that's another story. ;) At the time we were bringing up our two oldest, we were in our fundamentalist Christian mode - I was an Assembly of God pastor, and I vigorously went about the task of making sure my family strictly adhered to that which the Bible says is right. BAD MISTAKE! My oldest son has no religion now - no anchor and no spirituality. He is probably an alcoholic. I used to get really upset with his wearing ripped up jeans or when he stayed out past 8 in the evening. I sent both older boys to Christian school - another BAD MISTAKE. When they got back out into the real world, they went wild with all the things they were shielded from in Christian school (drugs, sex, and rock and roll).

    With our youngest - 13 years younger than my oldest, we carefully picked what was important to us to battle about. We didn't even battle. We just told him what we expected (primarily honesty), and gave him his head. We didn't force religion on him, although he knows that my wife and I try to practice spirituality. He is almost 21... drinks occasionally, uses marijuana occasionally, has had SAFE premarital sex, etc, etc. His hair is a throwback to the late sixtys and he has a pretty atrocious beard. BUT, he is a 3.95 student, carrying majors in Latin, Philosophy and Creative Writing. We trust him implicitly - we have never known him to lie to us. In short, he doesn't seem to have all the hangups that my oldest son has. And I shudder to think how my middle son would have developed if he had been able bodied and had lived.

    Don't get me wrong - I love/loved all three of my kids. But with Josh, it has been more of a blessing than a challenge. There are more differences, many that may have come to my wife and I with age.

    Lots more to the story.
    Thanks for asking.
     
  16. WeeHoo

    WeeHoo Member

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    Wow. Thanks for telling that part of your story. You've had an interesting and challenging journey so far. I can't imagine the grief involved in losing a child. One of my brothers died at 24 and it was devastating for all of us, especially my parents.

    As far as the different ways of raising children: I've found that every time we try to crack down on our girls, it seems to backfire...they just don't respond well to authoritarian treatment (which is how both my husband and I were raised). And yet I'm left wondering about the vast space that exists between dictating to them and letting them do just what they want. That space can be filled with love and assurance and appropriate boundaries, but sometimes it's also filled with anxiety and fear and anger. This parenting job is way more difficult than I ever imagined.

    I really look forward to hearing what anyone is willing to share about their parenting journey. Thanks to everyone for your openness thus far.
     

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