1. Unfortunately The Project Meditation Community Forum is no longer active. Although registration and the creation of new posts not possible, you can still read and search the forum...

    If you are unable to find what you are looking for within the Project Meditation Community please check out our new Blog and/or our Facebook page.

need help - dealing with confrontations

Discussion in 'Mind, Body & Spirit' started by bug, Jan 19, 2009.

  1. bug

    bug Member

    Joined:
    Jan 19, 2009
    Messages:
    10
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    I know everyone is here for different reasons but I'm assuming finding inner peace is an aim for most people. My inner peace is easily upset when I'm drawn into other people's situations of anger. I'm never sure how to react to get the best outcome for both them and me. Just wondering if anyone has any reflections on this type of thing.
     
    Last edited: Jan 19, 2009
  2. Edwin

    Edwin Member

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2007
    Messages:
    1,858
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    36
    Dear Bug,

    Sorry I haven't responded sooner.
    I have read your story before you edited it, was just looking for a response within myself and it wasn't there ( yet ).

    For your driving issues, I would suggest to find out how much the maximum speed can be violated, usually the police has a margin within which they won't charge you. In Holland, there is also a law that states that it is allowed to drive along with the speed of traffic at that time. So, if the maximum speed is 50, and everybody is driving 60, you are safe when you go along with 60. Of course this might be different down under. It certainly pays to find out.
    The situation is getting more dangerous by obeying the speed limit rather than not obeying. You might even consider your husband finding out with a law-firm if he has a case. He might be given his drivers licence back that way.
    Also you might want to try to find a truck or another slow car you can tail. That way the anger is directed to the front of the row, not the person directly behind it.

    Those are the "every day" tips.

    Now on how to handle agression.
    The type of agression we face when driving is the worst. Ego's show themselves in the ugliest way possible.
    Normal peacefull people turn into animals behind the wheel.

    The only advice I can give is:
    Never feed the ego.
    This applies to both your own as well as that of others.

    Don't respond, don't react.
    Easyer said than done, I know. You will have to learn.

    Try to avoid any emotion on your face. Don't look guilty, don't look sorry, don't look angry. Just look, and if possible, look away. When they use their horns, or act stupidly, try to not notice them.

    Only advice I can give you :( hope it helps.
     
  3. bug

    bug Member

    Joined:
    Jan 19, 2009
    Messages:
    10
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Thank you for your considered reply Edwin. Your advice is very logical. I have been trying to tell myself these things but perhaps have not had the confidence to believe myself that this is the best I can do.

    It seems to me, from so much I have heard, especially about social support and welfare, that Holland is a much more evolved country than my own. In this country officers of the law and other representatives of government agencies seem to like to pick a handful of people from a crowd and make an example from them. That is - 100 cars in a line could be speeding but if they could only get 20 then they would prosecute that 20 to the full extent of the law. There is no law to allow you to drive at the same speed as the rest of the traffic. There is a 3km allowance for imperfect callibration of speed cameras - it's not much wiggle room.

    Try to avoid any emotion on your face. Don't look guilty, don't look sorry, don't look angry. Just look, and if possible, look away. When they use their horns, or act stupidly, try to not notice them.

    This seems best and I am trying very hard to achieve it. I am trying to train myself to keep a watchful eye in my mirror in the interests of safety but to do it matter of factly without letting it wind me up. I have tried deep breathing to calm me in this sort of traffic - quite effective as it seems to noticabley slow the heart rate... but, I've also noticed it slows my response time to hazards in front of me. I suppose sometimes an increased heart rate and the ability to respond quickly is called for. Now that i'm conscious of that I'm trying to learn to let my body get geared up for quick response without letting my mind spiral.

    On reflection I have learned that I am prone to try to work out all possible scenarios in my mind and the best response for each as I know when I am in the heat of the moment in a situation I'm not good at thinking on my feet. I have realised that the truth of the matter is playing through all possible scenarios just clutters my mind and makes it harder to think on the spot. I'm not sure I'll ever get good at thinking on my feet but I'm beggining to realise I can't really prepare myself for confrontations other than to try to understand that most times we are attacked it is not about us at all.

    Thank you so much for taking the time to think about this and write a response. I'm sorry for burdening you and others here who may have read the original post. Hopefully I will get better at sifting through things in my own mind first and make better decisions about what I should and shouldn't say.
     
  4. Edwin

    Edwin Member

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2007
    Messages:
    1,858
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    36
    Dear Bug, playing these scenario's certainly isn't just your problem.
    It is the very heart of suffering, and all people who have yet to reach enlightenment have this problem, me included.

    However meditation will bring relief from stress before enlightenment as well, so please keep meditating, and in time you will feel better.
     
  5. bug

    bug Member

    Joined:
    Jan 19, 2009
    Messages:
    10
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Thanks Edwin :)

    It feels comforting to know I'm not alone in my humanness and that there is a path towards hope. It is good to learn the way from others who are further advanced along the path.
     

Share This Page