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Need advice

Discussion in 'Mind, Body & Spirit' started by Panthau, Oct 4, 2009.

  1. Panthau

    Panthau Member

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    Thanks Edwin! I know you´re there anyway when you´ve got something to bring in.
     
  2. seatrend8899

    seatrend8899 Member

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    Supportive

    We are all here for you Pan. All of us on PM are standing with you.


    shine on :) :)

    jim
     
  3. islovin

    islovin Member

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    Growth

    Thank you Edwin...for noticing....

    I am not sure if more negativity will be coming up through my meditation practice. I only know that I don't feel as if I could ever go back to feeling depressed(or any other destructive emotion) for any length of time. I do know that I still sometimes feel sad...but it is an appropriate response and it doesn't last.

    I also know that if there is any additional negativity that i must face...I am now well equipped to handle it. I love my meditation practice.

    My understanding is that meditation has a cumulative effect. The more you do it the more growth you will experience. Even though I believe this to be true. I also believe that using Lifeflow has accelerated that growth almost as if through Warp Speed to an even greater level of understanding.

    I am grateful to Lifeflow, Michael Mackensie, the entire Lifeflow Organizations Staff and this community...Bravo...I look forward to sharing our continued growth, together and separately, now and in the future!!!
     
  4. Panthau

    Panthau Member

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    Thats really great islovin, im so glad for you! <3

    Just wanted to mention, i have now a bigger picture. It all makes sense now.
    The hypnotist and LF7 were just going beyond my massive security wall.

    Thats also the reason why my astral projection dont work, and why i feel bad after taking a nap over day. What a relieve of energy that would be, to drop that wall. I think realising this, is at least the first step in this direction... the rest will come, when its time to. Just have a little... patience... i like that song :)
     
  5. islovin

    islovin Member

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    Pan,

    I definitely know that wall!

    Irene
     
  6. bashmaki

    bashmaki Member

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    the answer you seek . . .

    Is within you Pan. You are bumping up against something that, for whatever reason, is uncomfortable for you to look at head on. I went through many such occasions and Pollyanna claims they continue as we walk the path with LifeFlow. When you are ready; you will see it for what it is and move on. In the mean time it is at best an uncomfortable feeling.

    Blessing,

    gus
     
  7. seatrend8899

    seatrend8899 Member

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    Hey Gus,
    Glad to "read ya" again! It is so comforting to know you are here. Your angle on things so appreciated.


    shine on :) :)

    jim
     
  8. Panthau

    Panthau Member

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    Hi there gus,

    Yap, whereas uncomfortable has a wide range of possibilitys. From "uncomfortable" to "emotions that make you want to jump out of the window" (considering you´re still not able to take distance from your emotions :p ).

    Anyway, theres no other way then to move on... sometimes the peaks just wanna makes me hit the roof *gg*
    Now, after i discovered why i feel how i feel, i can handle those feelings a lot better. Ill try to be more aware of my security wall and try to drop it when possible... i have no clue how i can drop it at all, im sure time will tell.

    Thanks for your opinion, gus!

    Edit: Hmm my meditation over the last year was rather unconscious im afraid. Today i tried, as i do often, to "really" meditate, which, as you might know, means to concentrate on one thing. This time it worked! But i felt very uncomfortable with it, because everything around me disappeared while i was concentrated on "only" my breathing. My security wall was freakin out because it hadnt anymore control over the situation.

    I should try not to identify with it and just watch my feelings, shouldnt i? I just have no clue how.
     
    Last edited: Oct 10, 2009
  9. GilesC

    GilesC Member

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    Ref. my earlier post.
    Observe the feeling. If you can observe it, you can recognise that you are not it and thus choose to let it go.

    ;)
     
  10. pollyanna

    pollyanna Moderator

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    Hey Pan, the wall you talk about reminded me of the time I suddenly became aware of the thickest and highest walls I had built around myself. Many years ago before LifeFlow, I was flicking through a book before attending a business meeting and came across the poem below.

    I felt something stir within me with this realisation - however, life has to go on and I attended the meeting. When I arrived home I had forgotten about the poem and I picked up a different book. I was absolutely astonished when I flicked through the pages and came accross the very same poem.

    I began to read it to my husband and actually broke down in tears (which was something I never allowed in any company)

    That poem had a huge impact on me because I decided there and then, that I was going to tear down this wall somehow and free myself. I listened to and read self improvement tapes and books on a daily basis.

    I have described tearing this wall away like pulling the stickiest plaster off the hairiest body but boy was it worth it :)

    Looking back, I believe I probably only removed some layers or loosened the cement between the bricks because I have released some incredibly suppressed emotions with LifeFlow which I obviously wasn't aware of before.

    Anyway, here's the poem:-
    Please hear what I am not saying.

    Don't be fooled by me.
    Don't be fooled by the face I wear
    for I wear a mask, a thousand masks,
    masks that I'm afraid to take off,
    and none of them is me.


    Pretending is an art that's second nature with me,
    but don't be fooled,
    for God's sake don't be fooled.
    I give you the impression that I'm secure,
    that all is sunny and unruffled with me, within as well
    as without,
    that confidence is my name and coolness my game,
    that the water's calm and I'm in command
    and that I need no one,
    but don't believe me.
    My surface may seem smooth but my surface is my mask,
    ever-varying and ever-concealing.
    Beneath lies no complacence.
    Beneath lies confusion, and fear, and aloneness.
    But I hide this. I don't want anybody to know it.
    I panic at the thought of my weakness exposed.
    That's why I frantically create a mask to hide behind,
    a nonchalant sophisticated facade,
    to help me pretend,
    to shield me from the glance that knows.


    But such a glance is precisely my salvation, my only hope,
    and I know it.
    That is, if it's followed by acceptance,
    if it's followed by love.
    It's the only thing that can liberate me from myself,
    from my own self-built prison walls,
    from the barriers I so painstakingly erect.
    It's the only thing that will assure me
    of what I can't assure myself,
    that I'm really worth something.
    But I don't tell you this. I don't dare to, I'm afraid to.
    I'm afraid your glance will not be followed by acceptance,
    will not be followed by love.
    I'm afraid you'll think less of me,
    that you'll laugh, and your laugh would kill me.
    I'm afraid that deep-down I'm nothing
    and that you will see this and reject me.


    So I play my game, my desperate pretending game,
    with a facade of assurance without
    and a trembling child within.
    So begins the glittering but empty parade of masks,
    and my life becomes a front.
    I idly chatter to you in the suave tones of surface talk.
    I tell you everything that's really nothing,
    and nothing of what's everything,
    of what's crying within me.
    So when I'm going through my routine
    do not be fooled by what I'm saying.
    Please listen carefully and try to hear what I'm not saying,
    what I'd like to be able to say,
    what for survival I need to say,
    but what I can't say.


    I don't like hiding.
    I don't like playing superficial phony games.
    I want to stop playing them.
    I want to be genuine and spontaneous and me
    but you've got to help me.
    You've got to hold out your hand
    even when that's the last thing I seem to want.
    Only you can wipe away from my eyes
    the blank stare of the breathing dead.
    Only you can call me into aliveness.
    Each time you're kind, and gentle, and encouraging,
    each time you try to understand because you really care,
    my heart begins to grow wings--
    very small wings,
    very feeble wings,
    but wings!


    With your power to touch me into feeling
    you can breathe life into me.
    I want you to know that.
    I want you to know how important you are to me,
    how you can be a creator--an honest-to-God creator--
    of the person that is me
    if you choose to.
    You alone can break down the wall behind which I tremble,
    you alone can remove my mask,
    you alone can release me from my shadow-world of panic,
    from my lonely prison,
    if you choose to.
    Please choose to.


    Do not pass me by.
    It will not be easy for you.
    A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls.
    The nearer you approach to me
    the blinder I may strike back.
    It's irrational, but despite what the books say about man
    often I am irrational.
    I fight against the very thing I cry out for.
    But I am told that love is stronger than strong walls
    and in this lies my hope.
    Please try to beat down those walls
    with firm hands but with gentle hands
    for a child is very sensitive.


    Who am I, you may wonder?
    I am someone you know very well.
    For I am every man you meet
    and I am every woman you meet.


    Charles C. Finn
    September 1966

    I know this is a long post but if it can help you and/or someone else then it is worth reading.

    Can you believe that my ego used to be so proud of feeling like the following lyrics?

    I am a rock (Simon and Garfunkel)

    A winter's day
    In a deep and dark December
    I am alone
    Gazing from my window
    To the streets below
    On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow

    I am a rock
    I am an island

    I've built walls
    A fortress deep and mighty
    That none may penetrate
    I have no need of friendship
    Friendship causes pain
    It's laughter and it's loving I disdain

    I am a rock
    I am an island

    Don't talk of love
    Well I've heard the word before
    It's sleeping in my memory
    I won't disturb the slumber
    Of feelings that have died
    If I never loved I never would have cried

    I am a rock
    I am an island

    I have my books
    And my poetry to protect me
    I am shielded in my armor
    Hiding in my room
    Safe within my womb
    I touch no one and no one touches me

    I am a rock
    I am an island

    And a rock feels no pain
    And an island never cries


    LifeFlow and tearing down the walls has brought about unbelievable changes. The peace and enjoyment of feeling like the following lyrics allows an abundance of connection, love and compassion for everyone and everything :)

    What A Wonderful World

    I see trees of green, red roses too
    I see them bloom for me and you
    And I think to myself what a wonderful world.

    I see skies of blue and clouds of white
    The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night
    And I think to myself what a wonderful world.

    The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky
    Are also on the faces of people going by
    I see friends shaking hands saying how do you do
    They're really saying I love you.

    I hear babies crying, I watch them grow
    They'll learn much more than I'll never know
    And I think to myself what a wonderful world
    Yes I think to myself what a wonderful world.

    What's more, as simple and as complicated as it seems - it's all just a perspective - I wish you an abundance of peace and joy :) :) :)
     
  11. Panthau

    Panthau Member

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    Hi again,

    Thank you so much polly, for taking the time and writing down that poem. Im sure its written by someone who´s gone through this already (like 99% of humanity).


    Thanks for not stopping to remind me *gg*
    Im advancing, i could observe the reactions of my body and detach from it!
    While i did this, i thought my body feels so bad, how can i help it? Only by watching?
    Didnt found out how to let go of these things yet.

    Had a great experience in my meditation this morning. While i detached from the physical feelings (burning stomache), the "who am i" thing came to my mind, and i started to ask "is this who am i?" ...after a while "i" or how you may call it, started to float above, like gas...it felt like the gas i am or was, was more concentrated in my head then anywhere else. And for a moment i felt like a mom which is looking in love and care at their child... the body i am. This describes the duality im feeling, like im already the mum but in a mind of a baby which needs to grow!

    Thanks again for your support!
    Pan
     
  12. GilesC

    GilesC Member

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    If you struggle choosing to let something go, choose instead to not hold onto it. It's a subtle difference in the wording of the thought, but it can make a difference.

    Either that, or choose what you do want in it's place. Both thoughts can't exist at the same time, so by choosing something positive, the negative will have to get out of the way. ;)

    Hugs

    Giles
     
  13. Panthau

    Panthau Member

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    Thanks again for your tips Giles!

    After my experience, i felt like my higher me is around me like a cloak, protecting me. I also watched my thoughts & my actions from this state and it felt like no feeling could ever hurt me again, because every feeling that came up instantly vanished because i didnt stick to it.

    Gonna have to wait and see if that continues this way, if i stick to this meditation practice.
     
  14. GilesC

    GilesC Member

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    That's great Pan. :)

    We all forget sometimes and identify with our little self. The key is not to beat ourselves up about it and we will remember again later. ;)

    Hugs

    Giles
     
  15. Panthau

    Panthau Member

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    The last few days, i felt like something is missing - like a hole. Until i realized, that im still believing that something higher is watching over me (true) and leads the way, and this path is responsible for the way i am and the way i feel.

    This was always something i never quite unterstood. Beeing responsible for our own lives and feelings, and on the other hand, everything is preset and the path of our live is already defined. I now think its rather that we are responsible within the limits we are currently experiencing. Maybe we can raise those limits, but thats another thing.
     

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