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Marriage breakdown

Discussion in 'Mind, Body & Spirit' started by jeanie, Apr 22, 2009.

  1. jeanie

    jeanie Member

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    Hi everyone,

    I know this might not be the place to post this but i am sad to say i am just at the begining of the long and painful process of a marriage breakup, a relationship that i had for 13 yrs and two kids.

    I think i am asking does anyone have any advice of how to get the most out of meditation to get me through this and keep me strong and more self assured. I am trying to meditate again as i have not been able to as my mind has been all over the place.

    Where do i start and what kind of meditation do you think would be most helpful...any advice would be appreciated.

    I am again sorry if i have posted this in the place.

    thankyou

    im struggling...:(
     
  2. bashmaki

    bashmaki Member

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    jeanie,

    No matter what is breaking down I would suggest starting with Michaels free meditation program. You can find it here.

    gus
     
  3. Ta-tsu-wa

    Ta-tsu-wa Member

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    Jeanie

    A long time ago a very wise woman taught me a simple yet profound lesson. I'd lived several years in Germany and was moving to a city a couple of hundred miles distant. I'd gotten very close to this woman and her husband. They were like a second set of parents to me. In fact they even had some simulated adoption papers drawn up and gave them to me once and told me they thought of me like their own son.

    Anyway, I was moving and I knew it was very possible I'd be returning to the United States again relatively soon and I might never see these dear people again. The woman must have seen this in my eyes because on the evening before I left she said to me,

    "It hurts us that you're leaving and I can see it hurts you, too. That's a good thing. Never forget that whenever you leave someone behind it should always hurt, at least a little. That hurt we feel is what tells us that we have given something of ourselves to the people we're leaving behind. If you ever leave someone behind and it doesn't hurt at all that's an indication that your time with them wasn't well spent; it means you never really gave anything of yourself."

    The fact that the impending dissolution of your marriage is painful is a sign that you've given of yourself in your marriage. Despite the fact that it is ending you can hold your head up knowing your time has not been poorly spent. You will have grown during those 13 years, and you have two wonderful children who might otherwise never have come into this world, at least not as the people they are. Certainly that is cause for joy even as you seek to deal with sorrow.

    One bit of advice I would offer is that you not fall into the trap of trying to use meditation as a tool of distraction so that you don't have to face your pain. Which ever technique you decide to use should help you meet and transcend your pain and thereby put it behind you. Anything you use as purely a distraction to try to avoid all pain will ultimately only prolong your experience of healing.

    Also, though the Lifeflow tracks are specifically designed for use with meditation keep in mind that they are also excellent tools for just relaxing and practicing stress reduction. Sometimes maybe we don't feel quite like practicing any meditation technique but we still feel the need to release some stress and tension. These tracks are perfect for stretching out on the couch or in an easy chair and just listening and relaxing to them. The brainwave entrainment and synchronization of the brain hemispheres will still benefit you as you relax even though it won't be meditation per se. And who knows but that as you relax a little you may begin to feel like meditating after all and can just slip into it from there.

    Best wishes from everyone here on this site.
     
  4. anwarselo

    anwarselo Member

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    Jeanie.

    I am touched by your message. I wish I were able to give you some advice face to face. I have experience in helping individuals cross the bridge and feel safe to eventually walk alone.

    A marriage breakup is a major turning point in someones life.

    Remember, when a major even takes place, your life will never be the same.

    Mostly, the fear and anxiety come from the fear of change. As humans, we generaly prefer things to stay the same. We don't like the unknown, and for you, the future may be unknown.

    No matter what the reason was for the breakup. I am suer you have run the possible future scenarios in your mind and decided that it is the best solution for everyone. And you probably considered how your children will be affected by it.

    THE BEST ADVICE I CAN GIVE YOU NOW IS: If you can afford it, take an NLP practitioner course. Find a well reputed place that offers it and 2 weeks later, let me know how you feel.

    I produce sessions combining hypnosis, brainwaves, music, and video. I do not charge for helping others, I've been doing it for 12 years. I can create one for you at no cost if you like.

    I insist, however, that you take an NLP practitioner course; it will change your life.
     
  5. Panthau

    Panthau Member

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    Like Ta-tsu-wa said, i think it needs time - like for everyone who experiences the same.
    Blocking the feelings would bring them in another form again (like a desease)...

    Its a hard time, but you get through it, and then a new life can begin!
    I wish you all the strength you need!

    Pan
     
  6. jeanie

    jeanie Member

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    Many thanks for everyone for replying.

    As with everyone that goes through this i know that its going to take time. Its very strange what life flings your way and after 13 years with this man that i met at the tender age of 16 i find myself in a very strange and scary place to think of my life without him.

    We were very close...closer than any other couple i know and we still love each other very much on a deeper level than just to be together. I would have always said that if you love someone you work it through but somehow we just dont feel right together anymore.....i think our relationship was based on a very strong frienship and after having kids and work and just the day to day pressures of daily life we stopped being friends.

    Its very strange to love someone but not connect with them.

    It did ring true that maybe i have been trying to find a way to smother my emotions so i dont have to feel the pain of this loss. I'm grateful that you pointed this out and i am a little more sure on the road i must take to recovery.

    Last nite i went through some of the guided meditations and came out feeling a lot clearer.

    I suppose somethings in life cant be explained and getting to know myself and accepting the things i cannot change is the way forward.

    A good friend said something that has stuck in my head....
    "its not what it could have been, its not what it should have been......it is what it is"

    Thankyou for your support...it meant a lot to me

    Many thanks again
    :eek:
     
  7. Sweet_Iza

    Sweet_Iza Member

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    it's ok. It's nice that you let it out here, at least in a painful process you know that there are people here who are ready to listen. If it's been a long time since you last meditated. Try using your own style, first. In that way, it's much easier to make yourseld feel at ease.
     

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