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LF just keeps on working!

Discussion in 'Project Meditation - Success Stories' started by pollyanna, Nov 17, 2008.

  1. pollyanna

    pollyanna Moderator

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    Having done all the LifeFlow levels I am meditating to LF3 at the moment and still unloading the garbage :D Take your time with each level and then you can release gradually and comfortably :) This is what happened in the last week or so - bear in mind that it is months since I completed the whole LifeFlow series for the first time.

    About a week ago during meditating to LF3 I became very aware of the precise layout of the house where I lived when I was about 5 years (50 years ago :eek:) I could smell the leather and the shoes in the "little place" as we used to call the cupboard we hid in under the stairs.

    How is this significant? I'll explain later.

    On Saturday while meditating to LF3 I became acutely aware of experiences that happened when I was 6 years of age:- It was Monday morning, I was sat at my desk and the teacher in the catholic school I attended (I won't mention names) asked the usual Monday morning question ("If you did not attend mass yesterday please raise your hand") I had missed mass which was unusual (that being a big enough sin to send you to hells flames)

    Being honest, I raised my hand and was instructed to line up with the other non attendees to receive a stinging slap on the calf of my left leg. I remember being a happy and helpful child like most 6 year olds are and as I saw another child go back to their desk crying I felt sad for him and afraid for me.

    However as the slap stung my leg as I was humiliated in front of the whole class I remembered feeling incredibly stubborn and thinking, as a lump came in my throat and my stomach tightened "I'll never let you see that you hurt me!"

    Although I remembered this event very vividly during meditation, I didn't feel upset -what I did feel was a faded angry sensation and so I focused on that and realized where I had developed some of the anger at injustice I carried with me through most of my life.

    I thought about the teacher in the reception class who taught 5 year olds. When she asked the question "Why did God make you?" and you couldn't remember the complete answer "God made me to know him, love him and serve him in this world and forever in the next" (and that was only one question out of about a hundred that you were brainwashed to remember) in front of the class you would hold out your hand to have your knuckles rapped with a 12 inch ruler.

    On Saturday I realized why, before LifeFlow, I used to love it in films when the hero was killing all the bad guys - I couldn't watch anyone good be hurt - but I loved it when the bad guys were blown away. That being said I am totally against violence of any kind - I guess my painbody just fed on Die hard, Rocky and Rambo etc.

    The importance of what happened on Saturday is that meditation with LifeFlow is progressive after you have completed all the levels.

    Stuff happens in life and you can handle it I believe as long as you have released the early supressed emotions that a young child doesn't know how to deal with.

    Abandonment with past partners was a huge thing for me to deal with at the time and I now believe with all respect, how unimportant they were. The real issue I now believe stemmed from my mother going to hospital for nine months with a complete mental breakdown when I was two.

    Thanks to LifeFlow and meditation I have resolved many issues and released quite a number of negative emotions calmly and gradually, making lots of room for peace, happiness, compassion and personal growth and I wish you all an abundance of the same :) :) :)

    I have elaborated on a tiny issue here (although it wasn't so tiny to the little girl at the time) I do believe I have had a normal and happy childhood and some people have much more serious supressed emotions. I just wanted to explain how meditating with LF keeps searching through the past of us all, searching through every nook and cranny, revealing some wonderful delights and bringing up anything not worthy of keeping and allowing us to ever so gradually release them to become free.
     
    Last edited: Nov 17, 2008
  2. chris063

    chris063 Member

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    Thank you for sharing your experiences pollyanna, it is really encouraging to hear how other people are continually making real progress and improvements in their lives with the help of meditation and LifeFlow. :)
     
  3. Bhavya

    Bhavya Member

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    Thanks Pollyanna. It's helpful to know what to expect. I'm only on LF7 where things are beginning to crop up. Going deeper but after the initial bliss, stuff! Well we all know that nothing stays the same.. bliss one day, agitation another... and I agree with you--it's important to unearth the buried garbage.

    I appreciate your calm and centered approach. Thanks for sharing
    Bhavya :):):)
     
    Last edited: Nov 17, 2008
  4. bashmaki

    bashmaki Member

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    We all appreciate what you do here pollyanna. Thanks for sharing this tale of a by gone experience.
    There are a couple things I'd like to comment on; if I could.
    This is not the first time you've mentioned the "little place" hid under the stairs. Awhile back I read something else of yours with a reference to this "little place". Do you remember it?

    Also, do you think as we endeavor to release the old memories from our past; we create a new road map of our reality? Thereby creating a situation to experience these CD's in a new light each and every time we decide to experience them once again?
    In essence we keep setting ourselves up for a repeat perfomance of the CD's by clearing out an individual thought thereby changing our map of reality. I think I'm repeating myself when what I need to do is use a different example!

    Let me ask you this: Have you ever read a book a second or third time only to realize that the book is somehow different. In reality the only thing that has changed is you thereby making the experience of the book different.

    gus
     
  5. chris063

    chris063 Member

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    I couldn't agree more Bhavya..there are amazing highs when I've felt so full of feelings of love and joy that I've actually wanted to put a lid on it..:eek:, then there's a settling when things seem to be on a nice, even keel, and just when you think you're doing okay, yet more garbage crawls out of the depths demanding attention... I've found this is all happening pretty quickly now, not sure if it is the meditation or LifeFlow, but I am finding that identifying and releasing the 'garbage' is becoming a heck of a lot faster and easier.
     
  6. Montana Keith

    Montana Keith Member

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    "Your Prayers Needed Here"

    Hi Pollyanna,
    Thank you so much for taking time to share how you are currently experiencing your life through the lens of meditation using LifeFlow technology. Thank you for playing the role of “mentor” for me at this stage of my journey. Thank you for blessing me with your “presence” here on this forum. Reading your posts here is like feeling a calming summer breeze.

    Your dear story of your memories with those “misguided” nuns reminded me of a story one of my students shared with me. Marian is in her mid to late 50’s. Like you, she grew up in England. I know her husband grew up in Lancaster, but I’m not sure if she did also. Anyway, Marian tells the story of one early morning when she was eight or nine years old. She was in her school uniform and lined up in some big spacious hallway with all the other students prior to going to morning classes. I’m not sure if this school was a church school or not, but I think it may have been. Lining both sides of this spacious hallway were windows which extended from floor to ceiling. As she was standing there patiently waiting, the sun broke through the morning clouds and lit up the whole hallway in a reverent golden light. Marian said that at the very moment she was gazing in rapture at the heavens and feeling overwhelmed and held in God’s loving embrace, she felt a stinging slap to the side of her head. Immediately following the slap to the side of her head, she heard the loud grating words from a school master or nun—I can’t remember which—“That’ll teach you to stop your wide-eyed daydreaming!” Such was one of her early experiences of the “consequences” of feeling God’s love.

    I think we all have experiences during our tender years that serve as “lens” through which we view our experiences today. A defining experience for me was when I was eight or nine like Marian. I remember that I was “ANGRY” about something. I don’t remember what I was angry about, just that I was angry. It might have been about being teased at school or about the “weirdness” of my older brother. At the time, no one knew what was wrong with him. He was just so physically and socially awkward, and he was always so offish and condescending towards me. He was just plain “weird,” and I hated living in the same house with him. Now, I think he would have been diagnosed as “high-functioning autistic” or “asperger's” like my 24-year old son is. So, maybe this is where some of my latent anger was coming from. At any rate, on this particular day after school, my dad, my younger brother—who is a couple years younger than me—and I were all working on the loading chute attached to our corral. My younger brother must have done something that irritated me because I took off after him. He was a really fast and wiry little fellow and must have been getting away from me. In my anger and frustration, I picked up a rock and threw at him. Luckily, I didn’t hit him in the head, but I did hit him with a resounding “thwunk” right in the middle of his back. He let out an awful yell of pain and started bawling. Dad ran up to me, grabbed my arm and spun me around. Grabbing me firmly by both shoulders, he gave me a shake and said—and to this day I still remember the words, “Keith, you have a REAL problem with anger. You better get it under control, or you're going to have some BIG problems.”

    Being older now and knowing the deep love my dad had for all of his children I know that he never meant for me to take this situation as I did. However, as closely as I can recall, this was the defining moment when I came to believe that anger is BAD, and that it was a PROBLEM that “I” had. To “feel” anger was bad, and for sure the expressing of it was even worse because someone could be hurt. So because of these misinformed beliefs that developed, I just shut down in the “anger” department. Sure there were times when my anger started boiling towards the surface, but for the most part these emotions really frightened me, and I would work so hard at being “nice” and bottling these anger feelings up inside. I have worked with people who suggest that I take my anger out “cussing up a storm” or “beating the hell out of a pillow or punching bag.” However, I still find something holding me back—some voice saying, “Keith, you have a REAL problem with anger. You better get it under control, or you're going to have some BIG problems.” And still stuck in this belief, the only way I know of “controlling” these feeling of anger is to paste a smile on my face and continue to bury and suppress them.

    So, that’s part of what is coming into my awareness as I meditate at this time. I remind myself that I’m no longer a child of eight or nine. I’m a man now, and I have been blessed with tools—tools like “The Sedona Method”—which are proving so beneficial in assisting me to “welcome” and “let go” of the “guests” that are showing up in my awareness

    I have written “brave & logical” words here. However, any thoughts, prayers, or good energy any of you can send my way will be gratefully appreciated. There is a “part” of me that is really struggling with all of this right now. Thanks. –Keith :confused:
     
    Last edited: Nov 18, 2008
  7. chris063

    chris063 Member

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    Hi Keith, you are doing brilliantly and the fact that are able to speak about everything so clearly now means that you have already brought your memories and feelings out into the light, the perfect place to examine them and see them for what they really are...

    Good luck and take care, I wish you much peace and am thinking of you..

    Chris :)
     
  8. bashmaki

    bashmaki Member

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    I went to a catholic school as a child. I thought rulers were for hitting and throwing at people until I got my very own in the 5th grade. I for the life of me could not figure out why they had given each of us one! My only thought was, "This is bound to get ugly!"

    Ohhh Brother Keith,
    I too have been struggling of late. Seems Mr. Mackenzie has a sense of humor. LF 7 is such a relaxing CD. I've always loved thunderstorms. They have always relaxed me. However, soon after I began listening to it I became edgey . . . some points angry. My wife was beginning to think maybe this LifeFlow thing wasn't such a good idea. Personally I wasn't sure if I should scream or go blind at times but I struggled on . . .everyday . . . meditating and listening to LF 7.
    This morning it happened! Boiling to the surface came a whole string of thoughts and emotions all surrounding a long overdue issue. They were moving so fast it took half of the rest of the day to get a grip on what had actually happened. Something else I realized was something I think Pollyanna had touched on before. The gratitude session was somehow different. I was truly greatful to just Be . . . In . . . The . . . Moment! I have had the feeling before during the gratitude exercise as I have shared before but this time I was truly greatful for the work being done, greatful for the freedom from bondage of a past that truly is that, Past---Gone
    I am greatful for all of you that keep facing that which brings you here every day or so. For sharing your percieved successes as well as the percieved failures.
    For those that carry the torch ahead of me Thank you for your courage as well as your patience.

    Blessings,
    gus
     
  9. pollyanna

    pollyanna Moderator

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    Hi there Chris and Bhavya, keep releasing the garbage and create room for all the joy and peace you both deserve :) :)

    Hi Gus, it's a blessing to feel appreciated, thankyou - if in anyway I can help or make a difference in someones life here, this is my greatest reward :) I mentioned the "little place" about a week ago when I was explaining to Audrey about it being normal to experience sensations, colours etc. during meditation.

    I don't recall mentioning it prior to that but it's possible. What I didn't explain clearly enough was that both times within a week I became aware in great detail of the exact layout of the home I lived in (even the smell of the shoes) and the school I attended when I was very young (I could clearly remember where every classroom was situated.) It felt quite remarkable.

    I've always said that I just accept whatever comes with each meditation - it's the improvements it makes to my daily life that is important to me, however some of the experiences and sensations are lovely and amazing.

    The slapping of the leg will have been horrible at the time, yet when it came up in meditation it wasn't painful at all, it simply helped me clearly understand where some hurt and anger will have been created in me. I sensed a lump in my throat and a sick feeling in my stomach but it couldn't affect me :confused:

    When we let go of supressed emotions or negative feelings I believe we become more open and free and yes, I agree with you our map of reality changes for the better. We kind of become unstuck. When this happens we get rid of more filters and see and experience life from a different perspective.

    I hope that makes sense to you - sometimes I struggle to explain my thoughts clearly :)

    A huge thing for me was learning to recognize any negative emotion, notice it quickly and allow it to go. I believe when we get rid of more and more rubbish we have more room to consciously replace it with good things like feeling thankful, loving, positive and happy.

    That being said, I am still the same person but with a perspective that just keeps getting better. I really like and love myself (not in an egoic way) and at the risk of sounding crazy, I'm more like a child than ever and love it because whatever anyone may do or say now is up to them - I don't have to allow it to affect me.

    As always I wish you happiness and joy on your journey :) :) :)
     
  10. pollyanna

    pollyanna Moderator

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    Bless you Keith, it is such an honour to be of any assistance to you and I am deeply grateful for your kind words. We're all responsible adults, however we all still have the little child within who needed to be loved and feel safe. It's not a lot to ask, but life is not perfect and people make mistakes.

    Here is a suggestion that may help you and anyone else willing to try:-

    Think about how you care for your own childrens needs. How you tell them you love them no matter what. How proud of them you and what wonderful qualities they possess. Now think about the little boy within you. Go and find a quiet place, lie down and play the music to the gratitude exercise and imagine going back to where you used to live when you were little. Remember a time when you were happy. Visualise the door of your home and see the little boy you were, coming out. Then walk over to him, bend down and give him a great big hug and tell him how much you truly love him. Look into his eyes and feel the love you feel for him. Tell him that you have come back to let him know that although there will be some struggles to overcome, you know how special and strong he is and his future is going to be wonderful, full of joy, happiness and abundance. Then smile and tell him you'll come back again and again to see him.

    Let me know how you feel. I wish you a life filled with love, peace and happiness Keith. You deserve it. :) :) :)
     
  11. bashmaki

    bashmaki Member

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    Kripes pollyanna,
    I was nearly reduced to tears just reading this; and you want us to do what????
    Ohhhh maannn,
    gus
     
  12. Bhavya

    Bhavya Member

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    Perserverance furthers

    Keith, your continuing quest for clarity and truth is really inspiring. You really are in my thoughts. And you too Gus-- You both keep working through your issues with such determination and courage. So many people give up when the going gets rough but you guys seem to know, to quote the I Ching: Perseverance furthers!

    And speaking of that, I think I'll get up off this chair and go do some LF7!

    Bhavya

    BTW, that's one powerful exercise you gave us Pollyanna!
     
    Last edited: Nov 19, 2008
  13. pollyanna

    pollyanna Moderator

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    Hey Gus, you really have nothing to fear but fear itself, this exercise is so liberating and remember that F.E.A.R. is only False Evidence Appearing Real. However it's only a suggestion.

    I've personally always read or listened to personal growth books and tapes, digested them, put my own thoughts with them and then decided to do what felt right to me.

    If you do this exercise I would love to hear how you felt, either way I wish you an abundance of peace and love :) :) :)
     
  14. Edwin

    Edwin Member

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    I don't have much to add to this thread but I just wanted to say that it is deeply moving and inspiring... its a special feeling of sharing that I am very gratefull of. Thank you guys so much.
     
  15. chris063

    chris063 Member

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    I wish I had paid more attention to this yesterday pollyanna! I've been really struggling with something all morning...a feeling of real upset and tearfulness, but couldn't identify why... I could feel that there was something lurking in the background which I needed to become aware of, but it really didn't want to show its face. I had read this post yesterday, and for some reason I remembered it and started to think about my own childhood...and suddenly I had this clear image of a small child, sat on a stair in the hallway, crying her eyes out.. It triggered a huge flow of distant but incredibly strong memories. Having just come back to re-read this, I can tell you it really is something well worth taking the time to do.

    Peace and love to you all :)
     
  16. pollyanna

    pollyanna Moderator

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    Hi Chris, whenever you experience feelings like this morning do you notice where the emotions or sensations are in your body? Once I got the knack of this it was like a revelation :)

    You may well feel sensations in different places than I do, many of mine seemed to be in my stomach and as soon as I sensed anything I would preferably close my eyes and curiously be aware of the feeling and think to myself "I wonder where this is coming from? what incident has initially caused this feeling?" I am just calmly and curiously aware of it until it goes away.

    If we haven't been abused as children whatever triggers this feeling in us is something we would be able to deal with as adults but as a child it will have been huge and traumatic to us.

    The following piece is copied from Michael's report "where stress comes from".

    (Sometimes traumas received when we are young, restrict the normal growth of our unique tolerance levels. This restriction means we are less likely to adapt to setbacks, disappointments or pressure and our interactions with difficult people may result in behavioural trends and dysfunctional emotions coming to the fore.

    Deeply rooted within us is a behavioural key which we use to unlock previously conditioned behaviours and when we become angry, fearful or feel overwhelmed by situations and our tolerance levels have been breached, we use these pre-determined functions as a way of coping.)

    Most of the emotions and sensations that I have consciously observed until they left have been through the day and not in meditation although LifeFlow meditation has created this to happen for me.

    It is a painfree exercise because you are simply acknowledging and observing rather than resisting.

    On two particular occasions within the last year I have woken up from a very upsetting dream and on realizing it was only a dream have taken the opportunity of observing the real feeling of being paralysed with fear I had and that did take some courage on one of the occasions because I felt it going down my spine. I had to watch that feeling for what seemed like a few minutes until it went away. I felt I had let go of something huge at the time, so much so I got up in the middle of the night and wrote three A4 sheets of paper about it.

    That was the biggest experience that ever happened to me and I feel I dealt with the biggest things from my childhood to do with abandonment, betrayal and loss (these were incidents that happened - nobody was to blame)

    I see you have come so far and I look forward to hearing about your many more successes. You inspire and encourage so many people here and so I hope you play the gratitude or some other beautiful music and go visit the little girl inside you, reassure her, tell her how much you love her and tell her how proud you are of her and what an unbelievably happy life she is going to have. Make sure you go back to a time when you were young and happy. Enjoy and I wish you an abundance of peace and joy :) :) :)
     
  17. chris063

    chris063 Member

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    Hi pollyanna, no I didn't take much notice of where the emotion was in my body this morning, but thank you I will watch for that in future. The whole experience was quite overwhelming and I really struggled to bring it out to a point where I could detach myself from it to simply observe it. Yes I can see myself right there in Michael's report.

    I have also found my own personal issues are surfacing during the day rather than during meditation, so I have been unsure exactly why I feel that I am being fast-tracked through some very difficult and deep-rooted issues...personal circumstances or LifeFlow (I've only just started on LF9!!) ..it sounds like it may be a combination of the two which would explain the bombardment! :eek:

    One thing I am very sure of... since meditating with LifeFlow, my determination and ability to identify and release issues which are surfacing have so far not let me down, even if it has taken some concentrated effort at the time... I am completely amazed at what is happening to me right now, and if I can do this I am totally convinced that anyone can.

    Pollyanna, thank you so much for you kind words of support, encouragement and advice. You are a life saver! And yes, I have made a promise to that little girl that I will love and take care of her from now on.

    I wish everyone much peace and love and success on your own journeys. :)
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 22, 2008
  18. Montana Keith

    Montana Keith Member

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    Dear Pollyanna, Bhavya, Chris, Gus, Edwin, Coenrad, Mitch, (and others whose presence I sense),

    Thank you each for taking time to write of your experiences and to share some of your insights. Thank you for your willingness to be so vulnerable and open. It helps me remember that it’s okay for me to be the same.

    One of my gifts is that I have the ability to experience things deeply through the images, thoughts, and feelings that the “written word” evokes in me. I realize that “written word” is only a “symbol” that serves as a “form” for something much greater, i.e., the “ESSENCE.” I also have the ability to recall and memorize written words quite easily. Also, I have “some” ability to describe my experiences and to express my thoughts and feelings in both written and spoke word.

    At times, I believe my “wordiness”—Ah heck, let’s not beat around the bush and just say, “My LONG-WINDEDNESS”—may be an obstacle to people relating to the “essence” of what I’m expressing in these posts. Therefore, to relate to more people here, I will warn you of these “side conversations” which are of great interest to me, but which many of you may not have the time or inclination to read right now by labeling them: SIDE CONVERSATION YOU MIGHT WANT TO SCROLL THROUGH.

    So without further ado, here is the essence of this post.

    In other posts on this forum, I related how meditation is “loosening” up “stuck” places in me and bringing them into my awareness. One of the emotions that have been bubbling to the surface of my awareness has been anger. I am coming to realize that one of the ways this has been manifesting in my life for years is in “stubbornness”—kind of a feeling of “don’t tell me what I ought to be doing. I’ll get around to doing ‘IT’ when I get damn good and ready, thank you very much.”

    Yesterday in this thread, Pollyanna made a suggestion that I get in touch with a younger version of myself through paying him a visit and expressing my love to this “younger Keith.” I want to mention here that there is a “part” of me that is really getting “pissed” off at this whole “meditation crap” and just wants to chuck the whole thing. This part is “resistant and afraid.” I’m sensing that old “stubborn Keith” once again arising into my awareness and saying: “Don’t tell me what I ought to be doing. I’ll get around to doing “it” when I get damn good and ready, thank you very much.” I am currently having some really wonderful “opportunities!!??” to put into practice all these wonderful “written words” I love so much and which I spoke of early. DANG, LIFE IS A HOOT ISN’T IT!

    Being that in some ways I’m “slipping” in my ability to detach and observe with a sense of curiosity and gratitude, I am recalling “written words” I read earlier:

    “When you have a relationship with what’s there, you are able to be its listener. It is able to tell you its story. If you are it, then there’s no one else to hear the story. This inner relationship is how you give yourself the healing presence that is so powerful and helpful.
    If you find yourself saying, “I am sad,” try changing that to “Part of me is sad,” or “I have a sad feeling,” or “I’m aware of something that feels sad.” Now the sad feeling becomes something you can be with instead of feeling all over, because it’s part of you, not all of you.”
    (The Power of Focusing by Ann Weiser Cornell, p. 17)

    Anyway, on with my story. I awoke early this morning at around 0230 AM. I got out of bed and decided that I would give Pollyanna’s suggestion the “old college try.” I am currently at LifeFlow 4, but I decided that I would go ahead and listen to LifeFlow 7 for this experience. For whatever reason, I am associating, or remembering, LifeFlow 7 as a time of peace for me, and this last week with LifeFlow 4 as a time of turmoil and upset for me. I know, pretty strange, huh? Well, I got out of bed and sat in a chair and meditated to LifeFlow 7 for about 30 minutes. I then listened to the gratitude music as I imagined going back to where I lived when I was little. I imagined a time when I was a “happy little boy.” And here is how this experience unfolded for me:

    “I found myself waiting outside the front door of our small two-bedroom home on our 22 acre farm in Sun River Valley, Montana. The house was that “interesting” pink color mom painted it when I was in grade school. My mom was the “painter.” Dad took care of the garden, irrigating the alfalfa, feeding and milking the cow. However, it was always mom who did most of the painting both inside and outside the house. And let me tell you, we experienced some wonderful color combinations. On the outside there was the pink I remember in this story. There was also a time of a “hot pink” color. Once the house was painted a bright yellow. Another time, it was painted white with green trim and around the windows. When this family home of over 40 years was sold when my dad died in 2002, it had assumed it’s permanent look—I say permanent because it had been re-sided with vinyl siding around 1983—of a soft “sage-green” hue. Inside, there was the “blue” bedroom. I don’t know if it was the light blue color of the walls or the hanging tapestry of a polar bear on an ice floe that mom must have purchased at some rummage sale, but this bedroom always seemed more cool than any other room in our home. The other bedroom was a sunny bright yellow.

    I stood waiting outside the front door, feeling a sense of anticipation and also a sense of nervousness. I noticed the front door open and outside stepped an “eight-year-old Keith.” Even writing this now I feel tears coming to my eyes. “He” was such a cute, quiet little fellow. I was surprised to notice that “he” was wearing a shirt I hadn’t thought about for years. This was my favorite shirt of all time. It was light blue in color and had a finely checkered pattern of lines of blue of varying widths. Most of the shirts I wore at this age were colored pull-over tee shirts, but this shirt was different; it was special. It had a narrow button down collar and was kind of like a three button polo shirt. However, instead of buttons this shirt had a nylon zipper. Nylon zippers were pretty new at the time. At least they were new for me. I remember the soft “zipping” sound this zipper made as I would pull the zipper fob up and down. When I wore this shirt, I always felt extra special.

    Anyway, “eight-year-old Keith” stepped out the front door wearing his “special blue shirt,” and I walked up to him. With tears in my eyes, I tried to do what Pollyanna suggested. I imagined us sitting down together on our old wooden front steps side-by-side. I’m not sure exactly what was happening, but I found tears welling up in my eyes. I found myself bent over and rocking back and forth holding and grasping my arms tight to my chest. Tears were coming to my eyes, but there was just something that was holding me back—that continues to hold me back—from just sobbing and letting “it” all go.

    I want to be sensitive to everyone’s religious traditions and spiritual paths. As I’ve mentioned in earlier posts, I used to be really active in organized religion—active in a religion that taught that it is “the only true and living church upon the face of the whole earth.” At this time in my life, I am no longer active in organized religion. However, the messages of Jesus Christ and the meaning I find in following the teachings he taught continue to bring joy into my life. I mention this here so you might get a better idea of where I’m coming from next.

    So back to my story. As I sat there with tears welling up in my eyes and as I rocked back and forth, I have to admit that the “today-me” didn’t feel in much shape to offer a hug and to tell the “eight-year-old me” how much I loved him. The only place that seemed able to hold both the “today-me” and the “eight-year-old me” was how I’ve always imagined Jesus Christ to be. This “Christ-presence” may only be an imagination in my mind. But it is a “construct” that speaks such love and peace to me. Into my mind came the image of “strong manly hands” and “strong embracing arms” that held me and just rocked me back and forth as a loving mother holds and rocks a troubled and frightened child. Dang, it is so hard to put ALL these feelings in words, but I hope you’re kind of getting the feel of the ESSENCE of what I’m trying to convey.

    You see there have been moments of awakening to the “Christ-presence” that is within me, that is within everyone and who is EVERYONE'S true essence. However, maybe it is because of the religious and spiritual tradition in which I was raised, but when I am blind and wounded and weary, it is with great comfort and gratitude that I receive of God’s perfect love through the memory of his Son Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ serves as a “bridge” to help me remember my own divinity.


    So that was my experience. There is so much more to it, but this gives you kind of an idea of some of my experiences. Right now, I’m just feeling pretty emotionally drained. However, for those of you who may be interested, in the following post are some insights this experience brought to me as I was writing this.
     
    Last edited: Nov 20, 2008
  19. Montana Keith

    Montana Keith Member

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    Side Conversation You Might Want To Scroll Through.

    SIDE CONVERSATION YOU MIGHT WANT TO SCROLL THROUGH.

    I am no longer active in the religion in which I was raised. One of the most courageous—and most foolhardy as some of my extended family would say—things I’ve ever done in my life is deciding to no longer be active in the religion in which I was raised. Converting to this religion back in the 1840’s & 1850’s is what brought my ancestors to the United States. At times, I notice something in me that is so sad and so hurt over the “subtle shunning” I’ve felt from family members over this decision. For a long time, I thought that unless I were 100% active in this religion then I was not entitled—that it was not my right—to take any of the unique good things I learned from it. It was kind of one of those all or nothing type deals. However, recently, I have started to once again wake up to the fact that I can choose to play this game however I like and to accept or reject whatever I want. The following are “scriptures” unique to my religious tradition which spoke to me when I was active and which I am happy to report that their essence continues to speak to the longings of my heart now.

    And the Lord called his people Zion, because they were of one heart and one mind, and dwelt in righteousness; and there was no poor among them. (Moses 7:18)

    And it came to pass that he said unto them: Behold, here are the waters of Mormon (for thus were they called) and now, as ye are desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people, and are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light; Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in, even until death, that ye may be redeemed of God, and be numbered with those of the first resurrection, that ye may have eternal life—Now I say unto you, if this be the desire of your hearts, what have you against being baptized in the name of the Lord, as a witness before him that ye have entered into a covenant with him, that ye will serve him and keep his commandments, that he may pour out his Spirit more abundantly upon you? And now when the people had heard these words, they clapped their hands for joy, and exclaimed: This is the desire of our hearts. (Mosiah 18:8-11)

    You might have noticed that all through my previous post and this post I have been speaking of the essence of things. I am noticing that when I become too “literally minded” and too “dogmatic” in my approach to people and institutions, then I am blind to their “essence.” I think this might have been what Paul was referring to when he wrote:

    “For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.” (Romans 8:6)

    A few years ago, a number of books known as the “Betty Books” by Stewart Edward White came into my awareness. The following excerpts from three of these books expound on this idea of the “essences” of things.

    In conclusion it might be inspiring to quote an example of approach to constructive prayer as reported one day by Betty.

    "It's a beautiful form, a grand rhythm. In utter obliviousness of everything else I fling myself, abandon myself to one collective thought, the beauty of a physical world. I sweep it whole right into my heart, everything, the little Alpine flowers on Kearsage top, the undersea gardens, the desert bloom, the frost crystals, the world of the magnifying glass, the stars-all the physical universe. The manifestation of overpowering love and intelligence,-I gather them all in my own great rush of worship. It's an offering, a concentration of my life's experience returning to its source. Once spent, I lie still and quietly life recharged filters back to me, recharged with vitality, strength and eagerness to take my part, to be victorious with humility, conscious of the immensity of the scheme. When the renewed life flows back into me my great effort is to retain it, to contain it all in all, for the force of the renewed life must be converted into world activity."
    (The Betty Book)

    The following excerpt is not from one of Mr. White’s books. However, it reminds me of the essence of the type of worship/prayer spoken of by Betty above. It is an excerpt from Thomas Merton’s book New Seeds of Contemplation.

    WHAT IT MEANS TO SEEK GOD PERFECTLY
    This then is what it means to seek God perfectly: to withdraw from illusion and pleasure, from worldly anxieties and desires, from the works that God does not want, from a glory that is only human display; to keep my mind free from confusion in order that my liberty may be always at the disposal of His will; to entertain silence in my heart and listen for the voice of God; to cultivate an intellectual freedom from the images of created things in order to receive the secret contact of God in obscure love; to love all men as myself; to rest in humility and to find peace in withdrawal from conflict and competition with other men; to turn aside from controversy and put away heavy loads of judgment and censorship and criticism and the whole burden of opinions that I have no obligation to carry; to have a will that is always ready to fold back within itself and draw all powers of the soul down from its deepest center to rest in silent expectancy for the coming of God, poised in tranquil and effortless concentration upon the point of my dependence on Him; to gather all that I am, and have all that I can possibly suffer or do or be, and abandon them all to God in the resignation of a perfect love and blind faith and pure trust in God, to do His will.
    And then to wait in peace and emptiness and oblivion of all things.
    Bonum est praestolari cum silentio salutare Dei. ("It is good to wait in silence for the salvation of God.")
    (New Seeds of Contemplation by Thomas Merton, pp. 45-46)


    BETTY: I am getting a glimpse of the harmonizing power of this force in its essence, and it is so tremendous that I don't DARE try to tell you. It puts such a new interpretation on everything. It is creative force: it is the essence of life of all things--and you can't handle the essence of life with your finite mind! I am overawed and dumfounded by it. It is like some supreme stimulation of each thing up to the limits of its perfection within its laws. It is an ordering magic. Its most diluted form,--which is the only form I am capable of daring to handle—applied to a jumble of disarranged, ill-functioning, perverted life of any kind, passing over it, magically orders it. I see the little laws all working busily, righting themselves. It functions beautifully and naturally now; and before, it was so jumbled....

    But I'd better not try to tell you about it--I couldn't. . . .

    Now when you stop to think of it, all these latter material contacts, right through the whole of life, are at root and in essence aimed at really just one thing: that rare inner feeling of companionship suggested feebly in the sitting-by-the-fire idea. That is what we really are groping for in all friendly and loving human relations, hampered by the fact that we are different people more or less muffled from each other by the barriers of encasement in the body. . . .
    (Across the Unknown by Stewart Edward White)

    For the purpose of this building we must next attend to the gathering of the materials therefore, which is the real significance back of the very imaginative third and fourth exercises. Later, from her vantage of the unobstructed, Betty impressed on us that she now works in essences; and that, in a way, is exactly what we are called upon to do here. From the "beautiful groves of fruit, vineyards, the coming harvest," and all the rest of which we are advised to think, what we really draw is the essence of abundance, vitality, life which they embody, a distillation of those qualities. We are not sufficiently advanced, as yet, effectively to take the pure thing, from the source itself, so we must allow ourselves—in meditation--to be drawn in thought to that imaginative image which most nearly expresses the particular "abundance" we most need. . .

    Betty early recognized this truth and expressed it, though the rest of us did not fully grasp the implications until she herself had gone to the unobstructed universe, and reported back that trilogy of essences which has so engaged the thinking scientific world.

    "You see," said she, while she was still here, "I must begin to collect some materials for myself. If I am to work in essences this way—between the pure spiritual conception and its manifestation—I must get the tools of my craft. So I must collect myself essences: the time-achievement of the tree; the energy of my waterfalls; the stability in my rock. The sweet chemistry of earth is endless. All I have to do is to walk in my garden collecting and releasing essences, never hoarding in the cloistered-garden sense. Essences are everywhere to work with. It needs only the sensitive heart to utilize them."

    Only after she left us were we given the basic hypothesis. . . .
    (With Folded Wings by Stewart Edward White)

    "The new thought that has been growing in your consciousness is the fact that the three essences of the orthic trilogiaRECEPTIVITY, CONDUCTIVITY, and FREQUENCY—have been manifested in the obstructed universe as TIME, SPACE and MOTION, precisely as CONSCIOUSNESS itself has manifested in the obstructed universe as MAN, NATURE and MATTER.”

    These "essences" of the things with which we are already familiar here in our earth life, Betty assures us from her present vantage in the unobstructed, are the everyday material for activity in the invisible life.

    "I told you once that over here I worked in essences," said she, "I spoke of 'going around my garden collecting essences.' You will find it in one of the books and in the records. That is how I work now—in essences. But I live, as always, in an actual world. Now:

    "The ESSENCES of Time plus Space plus Motion equals created matter of some kind, depending on their proportions, etc. Thus we have the constituents of a world--yours or mine, or other worlds beyond ours.

    "The ESSENCES of Time plus Space equals duration." (If you inject Space into pure Time you get the extension of time to duration.)

    "The ESSENCES of Space plus Time equals distance." (If you inject into space the "slowness" of getting there, you lave distance.)

    "The ESSENCES of Motion plus Space equals pure communication." (There is in radio a slight injection of time, of course; but that comes nearest to "pure communication" with us.)

    "The ESSENCES of Motion plus Time equals pure Being."

    She went on to explain her manipulations in dealing with her kind of space and time, but that aspect of the subject is complicated and beside our purpose. The point is that she can manipulate them according to their nature and her own skill. What affects our present argument is her conclusion.

    "Less completely, within my capability of dealing with the pure essence, I can approach the state of pure Being. Impossible to do so perfectly. That is an ultimate. Matter of growth and development. Principle only."
    (With Folded Wings by Stewart Edward White)
     
    Last edited: Nov 20, 2008
  20. pollyanna

    pollyanna Moderator

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    Hi Chris, I'm so very happy for you :) and you're only on LF9. ;) What an exciting and wonderful journey you have ahead of you :)

    I was out with my 20 year old daughter yesterday and we were discussing when we both did this exercise at an Anthony Robbins firewalk seminar about 4 years ago. She told me that she thought it was an amazing lesson for her and how she will never forget the commitment she made to that special little girl.

    The beauty of LF is how you can stay at each or any level you choose for as long as you feel is necessary and even when you have gone through all the levels it still goes on working, helping you to become physically, emotionally and spiritually healthier. I wish you an abundance of peace, love and joy on your continuing journey :) :) :)
     

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