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Is there anything to anticipate from a sexual relationship?

Discussion in 'Mind, Body & Spirit' started by RunBananaRun, Jan 27, 2011.

  1. RunBananaRun

    RunBananaRun Member

    Helly guys!

    I didnt post much in the past. There are so many sources left to learn, so I find answers sooner or later.

    What can you expect from a sexual relationship? I was thinking for so long about that. And it always seems to me that I cannot anticipate anything.
    Really nothing, because I only can be disapointed if I dont get it and I also make my self dependent on getting it.

    But what about sex? Fidelty? Any other stuff? Is there really nothing and is it fine if my partner really does what he wants to? (going to really really wild extremes)

    So I can be looking for a few things in a relationship but I cannot be identified to hard with them? No force or something, but it would be nice if... whatever. I am still very unsure about that.

    As a conclusion I would say, you cannot expect anything. But it is always ok to try to improve the situation. If you cannot live with it, just leave the situation. But get mad or something, just accept and then change. You cannot change, or leave? -> accept once again. Even if you leave, accept first. You can talk about things with your partner, which do not work out for you, but not on an emotional hard level or something, just relax and do not get identified with all that stuff.

    What do you think about that? I am rellay looking forward to your answers!

    And big thanks for your help!

    Also special thanks to Edwin and GilesC, you both inspired and helped me a lot. :)

    Best regards

  2. Karmoh

    Karmoh Member

    Welcome Thomas,

    I'll target the above as I believe it may answer the rest (or some) of you post.

    In A New Earth, Eckhart discusses that aligning our outer purpose with inner purpose, is called “awakened doing” and there are three modalities in this, ACCEPTANCE, ENJOYMENT and ENTHUSIASM.

    A quick précis

    As the observing presence, if we find ourselves in a situation that we don’t enjoy (and we can’t leave), we can accept it fully and simply be there. Without the observing presence, the mind makes the situation wrong and creates a story out of it. Acceptance does not mean condoning the ills of the world; it means allowing that this is what is, right now, no drama and no complaining.

    Often we find that we do things through wanting something at the end of it and think we’re enjoying it because we like the end result, for example, we may say we enjoy housework because we like a clean house, it’s the end result that we enjoy! In this case, the doing becomes a means to an end, which is not enjoyment. True enjoyment comes from focusing on the present moment (as opposed to past and future), you then align with your true essence and you no longer need to be in a state of waiting for something meaningful to happen or getting to an important point.

    “The “waiting to start living” syndrome is one of the most common delusions of the unconscious state… Don’t ask your mind for permission to enjoy what you do. All you’ll get is plenty of reasons why you can’t enjoy it.”

    By staying true to our inner purpose, the outer purpose reveals itself and from that point the work we do is infused with enthusiasm. “Enthusiasm means there is a deep enjoyment in what you do plus the added element of a goal or a vision that you work toward.” True enthusiasm is not dependent on achieving the goal or vision, if we find that the wanting for the end result is more important than the doing right now, this creates stress within the body and enthusiasm is gone.

    Day to day living involves doing things including a sexual loving relationship, how we do those things depends on our state of consciousness in that moment. If we are aware of the deep stillness within, we can then do things in an awakened doing state. Awakened doing happens when one of the following happens:

    1. You find yourself in a situation that is unpleasant but can’t leave from, you accept it fully – Acceptance.
    2. You find yourself in a situation and decide to not only accept it but also to bring focus on the present moment and find enjoyment.
    3. You align with what is and your outer purpose is revealed, the focus of your purpose brings enthusiasm through the deep enjoyment combined with the goal or vision while always remaining rooted in the present moment.
    BUT.... emotional ties are just that, undoing the tie may be painful but sometimes you just have to walk away.

    Think of it like this...

    Tie a piece of string around your finger, tight as you can. At first it will be ok, slightly uncomfortable but bearable, after a few minutes, the finger begins to stiffen and pain ensures that something is wrong. After another minute or two, you realise that this wrong and I must undo the string. Bang the rush of blood is very painful, but there is pleasure in the release, after a minute or two the tingling and pain has passed and you finger is back to normal.

    Some may have fully enjoyed the experience and want to do it again.
    Some may have hated the experience, but enjoyed the release and the temptation to start again looms
    Some may laugh, put it down as an experience and walk away

    Peace :)
    Last edited: Jan 27, 2011
  3. GilesC

    GilesC Member

    I don't have time to digest and answer your question at the moment, but just saw this bit...

    Thanks to you too (along with everyone else here) for allowing me to share.


    Last edited: Jan 27, 2011
  4. Edwin

    Edwin Member

    Same here, and excellent post Karmoh ! Nothing to add !
  5. RunBananaRun

    RunBananaRun Member

    Hello guys!

    Thank you very much for this long answer !

    There certainly is much I can take away from!
    Before I answer to this thread or even ask any further questions I need to digest this post first and find out what it really means to me.
    See you soon and thanks a lot!

    Best regards


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