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Forgiveness

Discussion in 'Mind, Body & Spirit' started by Work in progress, Mar 16, 2009.

  1. Work in progress

    Work in progress Member

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    Hey all who are drawn to this topic,

    I'm struggling at the moment with much of my repressed stuff as many of the gals out there will understand there are certain times of the month when the walls that hold stuff in or down suddenly become transparent or disappear. So after 24 hour of futile attempts to try and pick a fight with my husband and much unfortunate screaming at my poor children i'm ready to deal.

    Gone are the days when i told myself that my anger had no source. I have the answers now, i know the cause. My question is...Now What???

    Not interested in forgive and give a chance to hurt again. But am interested in forgive, let go, be free.

    I am very visual and i would like a guided meditation that gives an opportunity to release the pain and practise forgiveness. I am hoping that someone can point me in the right direction. Am desperate for support just now, hope i'm asking in the right place. I humbly ask, please send me some love, i want help to get through this, for real. To put the old to rest.

    Thank you xx
     
  2. WeeHoo

    WeeHoo Member

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    Hey. Lots of support and love in this community.

    "Forgiveness is giving up all hope of a better past." I don't know the source of the quote, but I love it. It combines the willingness to let go with the choice to take action and move forward, without any baggage.

    TMI alert! (but appropriate given WIP's post regarding hormones, etc.) Last week when I was crazy pre-menstrual I got into a huge shouting match with my 13-year-old. Yeah, that went well. I can only say that since starting with meditation, primarily LifeFlow, I hardly even shout or even snark at my kids. It's a huge difference.

    I don't remember if there's a guided meditation on forgiveness in the download section of this website, but it's worth a look. I know there's one on releasing anger, and that's a good start.

    Hang in there. You'll be in my thoughts today.
     
  3. WeeHoo

    WeeHoo Member

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    Guided Meditations on this site

    Following up on the request for a forgiveness guided meditation:

    I have a huge amount of trouble finding the downlowd center on this site (could we please have a button somewhere?!), so here's the link for the downloads:

    Support - Project Meditation

    If that doesn't work, go into the FAQ section (on the main page) and under technical questions, click on the one that says "Where's the download center?" or something like that.

    There's a terrific "releasing anger" guided meditation that my 9-year-old does when my 13-year-old has been particularly foul. I did not see one specifically titled "Forgiveness" but one of the tracks on the download center might speak to you.
     
  4. Ta-tsu-wa

    Ta-tsu-wa Member

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    Work

    The greatest single misunderstanding about forgiveness people have is that they think "forgiving" is for the purpose of excusing the actions of whoever has offended you. Toss that idea out. "Forgiving" and "Excusing" are not the same thing.

    We don't forgive someone for their benefit. Our forgiveness does little or nothing for them. We forgive for our own benefit. Anger, bitterness, resentment, frustration, hatred... These are all toxins we carry around within us. Just as your negative feelings of anger, hurt or frustration in and of themselves do not exact retribution upon those who offend you, so your positive feelings of forgiveness do not convey any reward upon those offenders. The negatives hurt only you. And the positives benefit only you. I know on some subtle level our feelings, both positive and negative have some impact on those around us, but what I'm referring to here is that gross, outer level; the level at which we commonly tend to think and act in our ordinary day to day life. And on that outer level the only one who benefits or suffers from either your anger or your forgiveness is you.

    Here's one of the most extreme examples I can think of. I watched an interview once with a young Jewish girl who got sent to one of the big Nazi concentration camps of WWII where she suffered for several years until the Allies came through and liberated the prisoners. The camp was located adjacent to a town. Most of the prisoners had nowhere to go upon release so they just kind of hung around the town. This would sometimes be very dangerous because, as you can imagine after the way they'd been treated, they were not fond of the local German townspeople who had surely known something of what went on in those camps. Trouble often broke out as the former prisoners would form groups who would find German people and assault them.

    One day this Jewish girl was walking in town and she saw a young German woman pushing a baby carriage. A group of former camp prisoners had gathered and surrounded this young German mother. They were calling her names, screaming at her, pushing her, making threatening motions towards the baby in the carriage. The young Jewish girl stepped into the middle of this mob and tried to calm them down; to shield the young German mother and her baby.

    She shouted to the crowd, "How do you know this woman isn't completely innocent? Maybe she knew nothing about what went on in the camp, but if you hurt her you will be doing the same kind of thing that our Nazi jailors did to us!"

    But the mob was not swayed by her plea. About that time a US Army chaplain drove up in a jeep. He listened for a few moments as the Jewish girl tried to reason with the angry mob and then he stood up in his jeep and ordered the crowd to disperse.

    After they'd broken up and gone their ways the chaplain said to this young Jewish girl, "Sister, after all you have suffered at the hands of the Germans, how is it that you have preserved this great love in your heart?"

    The young woman answered, "Oh, no, Father, you have it all wrong. Throughout my captivity it was not I who preserved love, but the love in my heart that preserved me."

    This girl had forgiven those who had incarcerated her; starved her; forced her to work; tortured and murdered those around her. She was at peace inside. In no way did this excuse what had been done to her. In no way did it absolve any of the perpetrators from the responsibility of their actions. Whatever justice had yet to be dealt out to them was something they could not avoid, even if everyone they'd mistreated forgave them.

    It was of no tangible benefit or advantage to those SS guards that she had forgiven them. Those who still lived were going to pay the price of justice. But her forgiveness healed her own heart and her own wounds and left her a whole person instead of a beaten husk, filled with rage and hatred.

    When you hear that old saying, "Forgive and forget," it's often used to imply that you should forget (excuse) what has been done to you. That's not at all what it means. It means to forget (release) the pain and negative emotions the actions have caused to build up inside you. You will always have the memories of whatever has happened to use as guides for your future conduct. The secret is that you use those memories, you don't let the memories use you.

    If you discover your babysitter has abused your child you don't say, "Oh, I forgive you, now can you sit for me next Saturday night?" You forgive in that you release the pain, but you use the lesson the pain taught you. Obviously you never allow that babysitter around your children again. And maybe you're even more careful in the future about how you select your babysitters so that nothing like this will ever be repeated with someone else.

    Does the difference between "forgiving" and "excusing" make sense to you?
     
    Last edited: Mar 16, 2009
  5. Edwin

    Edwin Member

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    Actually, I think you might be very interested in either the Sedona Method, or EFT.

    A guided meditation will help, but these methods are a lot more effective.:)
     
  6. Bhavya

    Bhavya Member

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    Dear Work in Progress,
    I don't have any guided meditations to offer but the way I learned to forgive is to first behold the God within me which I feel in my heart center, warm and glowing. Doing that, I feel stronger, and if I need to, I ask for healing for myself. This makes me more able to forgive. Then from that heart place, now lit up with radiance, I behold the other person's higher self, also seen as light. Sometimes the person's light is obscured by negativity, but nevertheless it is that which I behold and that which I forgive. Everyone has some good in them, even those who may behave horribly so I feel I can do that. I turn them over to God - our Higher Power - and pray that healing will come to them so they will never harm anyone else again. And I release them.

    There are infinite variations, depending on whether the person is someone you have to see again or not. But as Tatsuwa said, we don't have to excuse the person's bad behaviour. Nor do we have to punish them since Karma is a universal law, ie, as you sow, so shall you reap.

    As Edwin said, the Sedona Method and/or EFT can help tremendously as well. It brings these feelings into awareness and gives us a safe way to let them go.

    You're in my thoughts and prayers
    Bhavya
     
  7. Work in progress

    Work in progress Member

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    Gratitude & Love

    To all you wonderful, dear, caring souls out there. Thank you so very much. Last night and today I felt supported and reading the responses today i know why. Thank you.

    This afternoon I had an epifany of sorts.

    I can/will/do forgive his soul, I can/will/do forgive his inner child who hurts and so does hurtful things. I cannot forgive the adult who stands before me, the ego that made the choices to ignore his inner knowing that his actions were inappropriate.

    I hope that this is ok.

    I will look into this sedona and EFT that has been suggeseted.

    Most of all I will love myself, and accept the life that I have been given which from now, is free from Guilt and Fear

    That is the goal at least :)

    The higher self stuff is making more and more sence to me as time goes on. I am finding so much joy in my new understanding of spirituality. Thank you so much for being the support that i needed. :eek:

    I now have a plan and an honest understanding of forgiveness that I can live with.

    Love Light and Joy to you all

    Sincerely, Rebecca


     
  8. WeeHoo

    WeeHoo Member

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    dear Rebecca, allowing yourself to begin the forgiveness process is huge. I'm happy for you. As you go along, you'll find yourself more willing to forgive the adult, not just the small child inside of him. If you don't forgive completely, you can't heal completely--you leave a lot of your energy behind.

    "Forgiveness is giving up all hope for a better past"

    I don't remember who said it, but it really hits home for me. Best wishes on your journey to joy.
     
  9. Work in progress

    Work in progress Member

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    Ok, so here we go.
    WeeHoo i read your words and they hit straight to the core! I do need to make it the whole way, i can see that now. But for once I think I'll give my self permission to take my time with this. Or Gods time... perfect time! I CAN trust that I will make it. That the guidance I need will be presented to me.

    Can you tell I'm not hormonal anymore lol.

    My affirmation for today;
    I welcome the changes that happen within me from many and varied sources. The joys and sorrows and all inbetween sculpt me towards the perfection of my soul.

    I am ok, I will always be ok. My heart is filled with gratitude in that knowing. No more guilt, no more fear. Ooooodles of love.

    Thank you to my supportive meditation family xxx
     
  10. Bhavya

    Bhavya Member

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    Rebecca, I'm so glad you're moving forward into a free and loving state. Forgiveness and letting is huge! Good for you. :):):)
    Love and blessings
    Bhavya
     
  11. jeanie

    jeanie Member

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    "Forgiveness is giving up all hope for a better past"

    I hear that....for me i think it all ties in with acceptance.

    Our emotions serve a purpose at the time....However, we must be careful not to let them ruin all the wonderful things there is to be happy about, (learned from experience)
    We can only control and improve ourselves by the way we deal with things that come our way......when it comes to other people, whatever drives them, they will do as they will.

    You can feel terrible about something someone did or said to you but it doesn't change the fact that it happened.

    Forgiving and accepting allows, if no one else, you to be happy and be the person you were meant to be.

    When i think about it....it makes me wonder why so many times in my life i have held on to anger and resentment when i was only hurting my own self and soul...funny thing is i will prob be prone to do it again but i know i have the tools and the knowledge to set myself free.

    And just so you know...you cant rush it...when it comes it is one of the most intensly liberating feelings i have achieved from meditating but you have to be ready and dont shy away from your natural feelings like anger etc...coz once you have went through the process and you come out the other end with a positve answer you know you have learned something important.

    Best of luck

    x:)
     

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