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Fear controls my life!

Discussion in 'START HERE: Registration & Introductions' started by poolplayaplaya, Oct 24, 2009.

  1. poolplayaplaya

    poolplayaplaya Member

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    "It seems like he's afraid of life".
    I overheard a friend talking about me 1 day not too long ago.
    Afraid of life? That sounds absurd! Doesn't it?
    Sad to say but its true.

    I've been down on myself for a very long time. I try to tell myself it'll get better, but it never does. Every relationship I've had, always fails just as fast as it starts. I try to meet peoples expectations and I always come up half a tank short. As a result, I avoid people. I avoid relationships. I avoid living!

    I HATE THAT MONSTER CALLED FEAR!

    That little voice inside my head that tells me I'm not good enough. That I'm not witty enough, I'm not smart enough, I'm not good looking enough....... it just goes on and on.

    I HATE LIVING LIKE THIS!

    Social anxiety is getting the best of me. I simply cannot relax around people. The more people I'm around the more tense I get. My hands either sweat so profusely like a faucet or become so cold that I don't want to shake hands or touch people. So then its just something else to worry about. It's a continuos cycle and seems to have gotten worse.

    When I was 17 I started drinking to cope with my social shortcomings. I thought it would help me fit in and allow me to connect with people. Sometimes it did. But the thing was, I never knew when to stop drinking and somehow would always make a fool out of myself. So then I would drink more. Everyday, vodka on the rocks. I did this until I was 25. My body was telling me it couldn't handle all that alcohol no more and so I cut way down. Only would drink on the weekends, as a social drinker, beer only.

    Recently I've lost a lot of weight. 5 years ago I weighed 185. A couple months ago I weighed 140 and I'm 6'3. I attributed it to my job at first because I do a lot of walking. I deceided to get checked out. Went to the doctor and had blood work done and it turns out I'm physically healthy. She wants to put me on anti-depressants but I DON'T WANT TO TAKE EM!

    I researched alternatives and started taking SAM e. This stuff made me feel worse. After 3 days of taking it I felt extremely lethargic. I slept for 2 hours at work one night and later on that night, slept for 13 hours. Stopped taking it, so I searched on.

    Some how I looked up meditation and read how it might help with anxiety. I clicked on a link for a product called Equisync, read about brain entrainment and thought id give it a try. I received it last Saturday, though I didn't try it right away. Went out Saturday night, got a little drunk, and had a horrible night! So bad I stayed in bed all day Sunday, barely coming out of my room.

    Later on that night I popped in the Cd. Listened for about 30 minutes, focusing on my breath like it instructs you too. I didn't feel any difference and went to sleep. Woke up the next day feeling ok. Not great, but better than I was. For the next couple days, I continued, 2 times a day, about a half hour each session.

    A few nights ago, about 15 minutes into it, my limbs felt numb. It kind of freaked me out so I stopped. I felt a little dizzy and laid down. My next 2 sessions it happened again. After I feel my limbs tingling, I stop. The weirdest thing was that I actually felt pretty good. I felt like I wanted to laugh....... about nothing.

    So I've been in above average mood the past couple days. Not exactly sure what to think of this whole entrainment thing just yet. It could be just the placebo effect. I tried to look up some reviews or testimonials on entrainment, but unfortunately couldn't find that much until I stumbled upon this site.

    I want to believe so bad this will help me. I just want to function as a normal person, and not live in fear.

    Thanks for reading.
     
  2. beth

    beth Member

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    This forum is fab and lifeflow surely saved my life. here's what i posted a few months back, love from beth XX

    Fifteen months ago my life was a train crash waiting to happen and i was to ashamed to tell the truth of how bad it was and i could not even look at my self. I felt haggard and ugly and very ashamed and addicted to alcahol and cigarettes that i couldnt afford. I felt ashamed and guilty cos i used to be nasty and angry a lot with my family. Then i found this community and it has given me a new lease of life. I thank god and michael every day because i no longer drink or smoke and i have learned to like who i see in the mirror. Its a miracle and i feel like i have a new mind body and spirit. I never thought life could be this good or i could feel as happy and the best thing of all is to see how happy my family is now with the new beth. I'm a proud working mum now and i have lots of time and patiense with my children so if anyone feels as bad as i used to dont ever give up. Thankyou for everything michael love and best wishes to you and everyone XX
     
  3. seatrend8899

    seatrend8899 Member

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    Welcome to PM PoolPlayaPlaya!

    I think of Beth's post often. It is really nice to know her story.

    One nice thing about LifeFlow is that you can try it for a lower cost point than Holosync. There is the option of the bi-monthly subscription which is really excellent because it aligns with staying on each level for at least 2 months. The cost per day can be spread out nicely going for the 60 day window as well. One can cancel the download cycle payment plan at any time.
    I am on level 6 now and really like the deep relaxation I get lying down. My plan is to aim for a more traditional meditation posture or just chair use down the line. At that point I am going to spring back up the levels and sequence through them again. But for now I really enjoy the deep, deep rest I get from my sessions.
    All the levels thus far are great. I jumped back to level10 the other day and it was like re-visiting a favourite place.
    hope to read ya on PM.......


    shine on :) :)

    jim
     
  4. oneflewover

    oneflewover Member

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    Letting go...

    'A few nights ago, about 15 minutes into it, my limbs felt numb. It kind of freaked me out so I stopped. I felt a little dizzy and laid down. My next 2 sessions it happened again. After I feel my limbs tingling, I stop. The weirdest thing was that I actually felt pretty good. I felt like I wanted to laugh....... about nothing.'

    Welcome to the site poolplayaplaya. I copied the above part of your email because what you describe is what a lot of people, who have carried tension for many years feel when they at last allow some of that tension to release. It feels alien and a little disorientating as the relaxation response replaces the fight and flight response in the autonomic nervous system. Keep the practice regular and gentle and im sure youll continue to gain many benefits.

    Take Care
    Graham
     
  5. poolplayaplaya

    poolplayaplaya Member

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    That's what I was wondering if this was normal. The first time it happened I was sitting in a chair. I focused on my breathing; I inhaled to a count of 5, held it for 5, then exhaled for 5, repeating this technique.

    After a while of this, it felt weird. Hard to explain. Then my arms and legs felt numb. It freaked me out so I stopped. I stood up and felt dizzy and nauseated so I laid down.

    So I guess this is normal. I was wondering if anybody else has experieced this.

    Thanks for the post Graham.
     
  6. Itlandm

    Itlandm Member

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    When you meditate, your body will need gradually less oxygen (up to a limit). For this reason, trying to maintain a constant breathing while you meditate is bound to cause strange effects. These effects are related to the oxygen / carbon balance in your blood, not the meditation in itself. If you would simply observe your breath rather than control it, that particular distraction should go away.
     
  7. oneflewover

    oneflewover Member

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    What i might suggest is that now you have found this site download the free meditation course. Its an excellent course and complements the lifeflow cds, should you decide to download those. Spend a little time each day checking through the community pages. Youll find a lot of peoples experiences that will probably equate with your own to some degree. The main thing is regular practice and ease back a little should things get too intense.
    Take Care
    Graham
     

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