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Everything is for a reason?

Discussion in 'Mind, Body & Spirit' started by Volcom23, Aug 3, 2010.

  1. Volcom23

    Volcom23 Member

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    Do you believe in destiny-- that everything happens to you have meanings? Which side do you believe: all things are just accidents and those are just how reality works or everything happens for a reason? Do you believe that there is God and other extraordinary energies that controls our lives or there is just nothing but actual and physical world? Whether you had anxiety problems, physically scarred, born with disabilities, born to be extremely popular, born to be a singer, had weird behaviors, mean something about your life?

    I am now in a state of chronic depression because I cannot understand the world, the reality, the changing environment and myself. I am still a teen and I have some suicidal thoughts because I cannot understand myself and my relationship with other people. I was currently diagnosed with social anxiety and other anxiety-related problems. I had some scars which make me insecure and worsen my social anxiety. I suspect that my mother also suffered from social anxiety since she was still a child probably because of her big scar in her face.

    I felt now burdened as if I'm not normal and I do not belong and my physical scars (though they are not that worse compared to other people) make me weird. It's getting worse as my mind grows and being aware of the realities happening in the world. I struggle to love myself and to have better relationships with other people and to be successful with my goals.

    I know this thread is getting weird but I really want to answer these questions in my mind because they are driving me crazy. I also know that I had just need to be happy with my life and stop being negative but there are really times that I get neurotic and I tend to search for answers that my mind are asking.

    Being with people and exploring myself is a constant struggle for me. Sometimes I feel happy and energetic but most of the time I feel depressed and totally stressed. I cannot keep up with my friends and I had thoughts that I'm totally weird.

    Words of wisdom would be a great help.
     
    Last edited: Aug 4, 2010
  2. Ta-tsu-wa

    Ta-tsu-wa Member

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    Volcom,

    You need to seek the assistance of a medical professional and you need to do it today, right now. Suicidal thoughts are nothing to be trifled with. They aren't something you go online looking for help to deal with. If you're in the USA, check your phone listings for a Crisis Hotline or Suicide Prevention Hotline, or something with a similar name. Every city has such a number. If you can't find it, call directory assistance and ask for any number to a Crisis Hotline. They'll know what number to give you. If you can't find that number ask for one called the "Council on Aging and Disability" and call them. Tell them you need a referral to a Crisis Prevention Hotline. If you're not in the US but elsewhere, I don't know what the specific name of the group or agency is, but I'm certain if you call your version of directory assistance they could tell you immediately.

    Do take this seriously. No one on this or any other forum is qualified to advise you at this point, and any medical professionals who are members of this community will tell you flat out they would not attempt to advise you under this format. From your description you are WAY past the point at which you should be trying to self-treat. So please, look up one of those phone numbers I mentioned and call them right now.
     
  3. Omm

    Omm Member

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    Hi Volcom,

    It is good that you are reaching out; I'm really glad that you are seeking understanding and higher ground. I also really appreciate Ta-tsu-wa's suggestion and agree that calling a hotline to speak with someone live would be most advantageous. There are people on the hotlines that volunteer their time because they really care and they have wonderful resources to connect you with those who can best support you with what you're experiencing at this time. Please post and let us know how it goes as time permits.

    Love and Light,
    Ommm
     
  4. Midnight

    Midnight Member

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    Agreed with Ta-Tsu-Wa. I strongly recommend you speak to a specialist.

    If you've tried everything and feel like nothing is working, try looking into past-life therapy. It sounds really weird, and irrelevant, but after researching things for myself, reading books about people's experiences (particularly Many Lives, Many Masters by a well respected psychologist) it makes sense to me that lessons you haven't learned in a past-life carry over to the next one.

    Again, you can take what I say with a grain of salt, but that's always an option to try. While reading Many Lives, Many Masters I felt the truth of some passages in the book resonate in my body. I no longer have a fear of death. It's amazing how many fears stem from a fear of death.

    That being said, it doesn't mean that whatever problems you face now were created in some distant lifetime, it could stem from the environment that you grew up in, or your social culture.

    Everybody is born a diamond. Experiences and life sometimes put mud on your diamond, and it is your job to remove the mud from the diamond. Meditation and mindfulness are effective ways to do this. I know what I'm saying is true, because i've experienced this myself. I once had a moderate amount of social anxiety, but I realized it's because I wanted things from people. I wanted them to laugh at my jokes, to want to hang out with me, to want them to talk to me, etc, etc. After months of meditation, I've realized that there's no need to desire anything from anybody because I am enough. I talk to people without trying to get to a specific outcome because there is really no need to impress anybody. Humans are naturally social creatures, but your mind can create imaginary issues that will cause you not to see it for yourself.

    There are times when wanting a specific outcome in an interaction creeps back into my mind, and that's okay. My intuition tells me that my release of inner emotions and years of living that way makes it come back to the surface and makes me feel that way. When I am not in a stage of releasing, everything falls together. When I am in the middle of releasing some sort of emotion, or an emotion comes up, I am aware of the underlying peace and I allow the emotion to be as is. During this phase, it might feel like i've forgotten everything i've learned, but that's part of the process. You can cover up your true nature (radiance, beauty, lightness), but you can't get rid of it.

    EVERYONE is born to shine. Concepts like popularity, status, etc, are human/mind created and don't really have a basis in anything. They are impermanent and they will dissipate. People who have other people attracted to them and seem to shine have less mud covering up their diamond. There are no fears that they need to fight. No need to think about anything in particular. Just go with the flow. Don't try to love yourself. Accept that you don't feel that way. It will pass. Accept everything, and don't struggle to attain a certain state, because there is no need to be anywhere than where you are right now.
     
    Last edited: Aug 3, 2010
  5. Volcom23

    Volcom23 Member

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    Hello Ta-tsu-wa! Thank you very much for the concern. I haven't tried those hotlines you mentioned, I don't think those organizations are available here in the Philippines.

    Anyway, my anxiety just hit me yesterday-- the reason why I wrote this thread. It's true that I had suicidal thoughts but I really try my best to control my emotions and my impulses. Everytime I had those thoughts that almost drive me crazy I have to remind myself that I'm still young and I have so many things to do in my life. I always remind myself that I'm not alone that there are other people who are lot worse than me.

    Thank you very much for the help. I will look forward towards conquering my anxiety problems with the help of meditation and therapy.
     
  6. Volcom23

    Volcom23 Member

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    Thank you very much for the great advice! I really appreciate it cause I can relate to this. I am now about 2 months practicing my meditation but I can't notice any improvement. Thank you very much and I will look forward with my meditation. I hope I can attain the state of mind that you had achieved.
     
  7. Midnight

    Midnight Member

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    It's not so much as having a state of mind, but more like a lack of state of mind. It doesn't need to be thought about. Just enjoy life as it comes! I know you'll reach this point one day, because it's your true nature. It's everybody's true nature.

    Are you sure you haven't improved? Have your expectations of the benefits you wouldve recieved from meditation made you overlook the actual benefits that have arisen in you? ;)

    For a while, there was a period where after every meditation, I felt great, but then I felt stressed out again later. I couldn't exactly pinpoint the cause, so I deduced it was stress and other emotions that were hidden in my body being released. It was difficult to keep up my normal positive state, and it was a bit hard to say that I was truly happy and benefiting from meditation.

    After periods like this (which can be quick and easy, or lasting for a week or two) I usually learn something and during later periods of upheaval, I had more presence to get through it (meaning I didn't feel as stressed and I remained positive regardless of how my body was feeling).

    I wrote that because I thought you might be feeling this because you say you're happy and energetic sometimes, but stressed most of the time. When you feel stressed, not knowing exactly what it is may cause you to freak out and prolong it. Once I learned this for myself, it was easy to let go.
     
  8. Volcom23

    Volcom23 Member

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    Probably you are right that I was just expecting too much. The good thing is that I learned now to control my perfectionism and I eventually learned how to just accept whatever happens to me without overgeneralizing. I am seriously hurt whenever I failed to achieve something that I had set and I tend to worry too much of failing. Probably because of meditation I had acquired a vivid glimpse of one of the causes of my anxieties-- that is being a perfectionist.

    Currently, I feel at ease with myself unlike before. My anxious thoughts related to concerns about what other people are thinking about me are not that very severe unlike before.

    What is now in my mind that tend to disturb me is that I tend to have lots of questions about my existence; about the significance of the world. I tend to hate all those selfish people building all their material wealth on this earth everytime I hear negative news about poverty, corruption, etc.

    I don't know what is currently happening in my mind. I am just confused about achieving goals and reaching dreams and gaining pride with ourselves. I just hate all those selfish people who are constantly craving for material wealth and pride and trying to acquire superiority by hitting those who are weak. I even hate myself-- my ego which is the source of my pains that I had from my past and in the present moment.

    Probably it's just the result of the chronic depression and anxiety that I had gone through; the external factors that triggered the inner bullies in my mind that lead me to hate the materialistic world.
     
    Last edited: Aug 5, 2010
  9. olmate

    olmate Member

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    Hi Volcom23,

    Many of the wonderful people who make contributions to this forum are extremely wise. Their advice resonates with truth and wisdom. A number of those people have contributed to this thread. I would urge you to read their contributions again and let their advice settle deep within you. It will point a pathway to healing.

    The sour feeling you are experiencing with hate needs to be released so you can grow and flourish. And we rarely are able to do that on our own. Professionals will provide you with help to start down the path of liberation. It is safe, it is gentle and it is healing and it is OK. If you extend your hand, someone will gently take it...

    Do take care...

    Olmate
     
  10. Volcom23

    Volcom23 Member

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    Thank you. I'm still on my therapy right now.
     
  11. Teckniec

    Teckniec Member

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    I know how you feel. I know a lot about what goes on in the world and why, it is indeed very depressing and sad. I live a fairly comfortable life but sometimes it seems like its never enough and yet so many people have literally nothing because of where they are born. I know it doesn't have to be this way but it is because of a handful of greedy people. I want to help people but I really don't know how I don't have resources, if I just flew to a third world country I would just end up being another hungry mouth to feed. I try to spread information to wake people up to whats going on but the US is full of zombies who only believe what they see on the news or from the government. They either don't care or will not even attempt to learn. It is very frustrating it at times feels like the weight of the worlds on my shoulders, like simply knowing makes me responsible. In the end you can only do so much, as long as we make an effort that is enough. I know even if their minds are trapped their souls will always be free, no one can take that from you.
    I know what its like to feel alienated, I spend a lot of time in solitude. I have a hard time making friends because people don't seem to have an interest in me, i have like zero charisma. I went a whole year of High school without making one friend or acquaintance. It never really bothered me, what bothered me most was the people whom those flocked too i thought whats so great about them? How the social system worked just would not make sense for me and still doesn't. I have a few friends now and I trust them with my life I feel its all about quality. I'm physically disabled and its honestly doesn't bother me, what bothers me is being treated different, not being seen as an equal. Either people being too nice or people trying to avoid me because i make them feel uncomfortable. I once was when i was 12-13 playing with some younger kids in a play pen and I was throwing them in the air and they were really enjoying it, I walked up to a little girl and asked if she would like me to toss her and she stared at my hand and i could see the fear in her eyes, she was really afraid of me. That really hurt me and I know its not her fault but it still hurts. i heard this somewhere "You can't understand life while you live life", You can't try to analyze everything, you've gotta just enjoy whats in front of you at the time. You might have a bad day and think of nothing but how bad it was but if you do that you might miss a pretty flower on your way home or a interesting cloud that passes by. Have you heard of wayne dyer or deepak chopra? Their teaching seems to resonate well with me and hopefully they can for you as well. ​
    "we do not attract into our lives what we want; we attract what we are, and what we are is nothing more then the beliefs about what we are and what we are capable of doing." -wayne dryer
    I hope you can overcome this obstacle placed in your path on your way to enlightenment
     
  12. Volcom23

    Volcom23 Member

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    Hello Teckniec! Thank you very much for the reply and the great advice. I am very touched and I can relate to what you had said. Recently, I was thinking again about the circumstances and the interactions I had with my peers and other people in school. It made me think again about my worth and my pride and image in terms of my peers.

    I know this purely a very general issue in my case. I tend to overgeneralize things and evaluate the circumstances that had happened to me to the point that I'd missed the good things that were around me. My problem is I'm very serious on things and I'm very much concerned on the things happening within me-- my thoughts, feelings, whether I had improved or something.

    I am suffering from too much perfectionism and pride (these are probably the causes of my social anxiety). These are one of the biggest mistakes that I was not aware of. I didn't know that my motivation and successes were driven from a need of impression from others, approval and respect and seen as great on areas that I'm good at. I'm not aware that my perfectionism was slowly destroying my well being and most especially my relationships with my friends.

    On the other hand, I also ponder whether I need to improve my social skills. I was very shy since I was a child. My mind is telling me: if I continue to improve my social skills and start being assertive-- would it make me more competitive and have approval and respect from others? No matter how I remind myself that it's not the right thing to do, I'm still concerned about what others think of me and I'm easily affected with taunting.

    These are the two conflicting beliefs that make me confused as of now. I feel that I'm totally worthless-- a total failure that has no true identity. I'm confused whether the thing that alienates me is my own weird behaviors or I am just very suspicious about what other people think of me.

    I have now insecurities-- I feel as if I'm incapable. I am thinking that I'm a total failure. No matter how I try to improve and change things-- I just can't have them. It seems that the universe is against me. Everytime I feel energized as I grasp all those self-help strategies and ideas-- after all everything seems not working at all.

    Considering all the circumstances, challenges, lessons, and ideas from other sources-- I am now confused about what is really the meaning of life. I had gone too much pain and whether all those pains and successes that I had gone through provide me peace of mind and happiness.

    Anyway, I am very much glad that you had shared your experience and your advice with me. I will end until here. I had so many thoughts in my head that I want to include in this post but I will just confuse you and the other readers.

    I know I really need therapy and I just start living the present moment and being happy with my life.
     
  13. chris-da-fur

    chris-da-fur Member

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    Hello volcom!

    I just read this topic and I think I have something to add. When I was younger, starting at like 13-14 I had problems with acne. At first it wasn't so bad, I could live with it but it kept getting worse.

    So in a nutshell by the time I was 18 it was really bad. I went on that satanic drug accutane and that's when stuff got real bad. My face just like exploded with these huge cystic acne spots and it was down right traumatizing. I mean it took all of my strength just to go out in public and my self worth and confidence just evaporated. The only thing that kept me going was that more breakouts was normal in the first few months of taking this drug then it all clears up. At the time it seemed absolutely impossible for my face to clear up, it was SO bad. I started thinking of myself as ugly and deformed and just like, alone, worthless. It was real bad.

    So it all eventually cleared up which was nothing short of a miracle, but it left scars behind. Great, I thought, now I don't have acne, just big weird scars all over the place! So I have been living with them ever since, I'm 21 now.

    Needless to say I developed some serious social anxiety from a relatively young age. I didn't like being close to other people's faces, like talking and stuff, I couldn't imagine any girl wanting to kiss me with my face all messed up, I just felt like an outcast because I had yet to see anyone with as bad a case as I had.

    But then something strange happened, I just kind of let go. It was like someone poked an anxiety filled balloon inside me and I just gave up caring about the scars, what people thought of me, what they were saying about me behind my back, how I looked, all of it. I realized there was nothing I could do about it and I just couldn't keep worrying about it, it was just too much. Since then not a single person has asked me what the scars are from, I don't see anyone scanning my face while I am talking to them, they always look me straight in the eyes, and it just generally is like they don't exist. Now they have healed a fair amount in the last few years so they aren't massive or crazy or anything, but they are still clearly visible and every once in awhile I catch myself looking in a mirror cursing the damn things, but then I remember that drug cured my acne, like 99.5 percent, forever. Also I avoided pretty much all of the horrible possible side effects, so I really am grateful despite my face still recovering. Having acne that bad really left me in a battle with my identity and mind, and without it I would never have questioned who "I" am.

    Whew, kinda rambled on there, but anyway as far as the meaning of life goes, the conclusion I have come to after looking at what like every other being on the planet does, is that the main meaning of life is to procreate and help ensure the survival of your species, after that pretty much anything is fair game. Just being alive and able to see, smell, take a deep breath, and interact with our own species and our own mind is the miracle of my life! Life just seems to short to worry about why it exists or what I'm supposed to do. Give yourself a break!!! There was something I read somewhere that marked a big change in my progress, that being your own best friend is a lot better than your own drill sergeant. I was a drill sergeant all the way, being really demanding and expecting perfection from myself and it just held me back and compounded my problems. As soon as I backed off and gave myself a rest it like opened the flood gates.

    I hope that helps, just know that you are never alone!

    Peace!
    Chris
     
  14. Ramai

    Ramai Member

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    Hello volcom!

    Suicide is a permanent solution to temporary problems.

    Believe me, I had my thoughts about it when I was 16. Am I am glad I didn't go through with it? You bet. I would have missed out on the rest of my life, which turned out to be infinitely better than I could have imagined back then. "Back Then" was a dark time when everything seemed to be hopeless, wrong and with no future. Now, when I think about it, it's like it was someone else's life.
    Find someone to talk to about your pain, your fears, your feelings. What I can tell you for sure is that your circumstances will change, give it time.
    LOVE,
    Ramai
     
  15. islovin

    islovin Member

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    Volcom23,

    My question to you is....Who decides what the meanings and the reasons are?

    Irene
     
  16. Volcom23

    Volcom23 Member

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    I can relate to this! Thanks Chris for the great advice.

    I suddenly realized that I'm just the one creating this problem. It is all in my mind. But the anxiety is still there and I'm struggling with it.
     
    Last edited: Aug 28, 2010
  17. Volcom23

    Volcom23 Member

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    Yeah, you're right. It's good that I found this site because somehow I could eventually pour out my emotions here by posting them. I feel good when other people share their experiences and pains that they are going through. It's good because somehow it alleviates the pain that I'm feeling by realizing that I'm not alone. Thank you very much Ramai for sharing yours.
     
  18. Volcom23

    Volcom23 Member

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    I don't know. I don't understand. Probably me?
     
  19. Panthau

    Panthau Member

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    Ive been reading something different about this, in out of body experiences. There have been reports, that people who kill themself just get out of their body, but the problem remains. It actually worsens the problem somehow, because of the lack of a physical body and the lack of being able to talk to loved or hated ones.

    Just my 50 cents.

    Atb,
    Pan
     
  20. Ramai

    Ramai Member

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    Hi Pan,

    I can see your point but, what if we look at this from a different perspective.
    What was the acted intention here? To release or change the negative circumstances?; or to be without a physical body?
    Everything that happens to ME in MY world(material and spiritual) is a product of MY intention. Only when ME dissolves, that changes.


    Love,
    Ramai
     

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