Why I'm Here

[Bren2912]

Hi my name is Brendan.
I have meditated on and off for about 40 years. I had a breakthrough, for me anyhow, just before christmas.
For some time I had been having that negative 'chatterbox' constantly nagging me, putting me down, and sabotaging all of my efforts to improve myself. The death of my wife in July 2010, and coming to terms with a life alone, made the meditating a necessity to preserve some sanity.
Christmas eve I was meditating, I didn't do anything different as far as I am aware, but this time it quietened the 'chatterbox' (which had happened before during meditation, but generally returned soon afterwards) and it didn't come back. I was aware my mind being incredible quiet, quite eerie! A few times since that meditation I have had some strange experiences regarding an increased awareness and perception.
I am continuing to meditate daily and seem to get to a meditative state very quickly, but I am not sure where to go from there.
I am hoping to get some clues from reading others' experiences in this forum.

[olmate]

Hi Brendon,

I personally have found the works of Dr David Hawkins helpful in describing some of these places along the path. One particulalry useful book for me is entitled "Transcending the Levels of Consciousness - The Stairway to Enlightenment". It is available in most larger bookstores or on-line. I found his descriptions of differing levels of consciousness particularly helpful. It also enabled me to be more precise in my conversations with my teachers.

Speaking from a personal perspective, there was a period where there was a tug of war between wanting to withdraw and continue to actively participate (if that is the right term) in life. It was important to focus on volition and being disciplined about making decisions around ongoing active participation.

According to my close friends this was not overtly apparent to them but each day was a struggle in the sense I just wanted to rest in the quiet. It was not a lethagy but a real volitional issue. I am not sure this is making sense.

Outwardly in the physical world I occupy a CEO role and lead a fairly hectic schedule but this experience was not related to burnout or similar factors. The last year also bought the death of my father and other personal trauma around relationships. However these experiences were a direct experience of my meditation practice. I haven't attached any sense of right or wrong to it and it is mysterious. But I did decide to continue walking the path - to persist and apply courage.

What this will translate to in my day-to-day life I am unsure. But as I say, I have decided to press on regardless.

Nothing but the best...

Don (Olmate)

[Bren2912]

Thanks for sharing that Don. I'll look out for that book - I certainly know how difficult it is to describe the state of consciousness - not only in meditation, but also that awareness that seems to be there during normal day to day activities.
I am not for a moment complaining about it - it is the most peaceful I have been for years and years - it is just that I seem to be in a nice peaceful place without a road map, and not sure of places to go from here. I can sit and enjoy it, or I can explore - I think I'd like to explore!

I am glad I happened upon this site, it has let me know that I am not alone, and given me some concepts which I hope to explore further.

all the best
Bren