Hi All,
I have been posting here for awhile, but neglected to introduce myself.
To give you a clear picture of myself I thought it best to give an outline of what brought me to this point in my life
Nearly 5 years ago I awoke from somewhere to something. Not enlightenment or clarity but an acceptance of who I am and what I had become. For the first time in my life I was not scared, nor was I acting out the facade that had become my life.
My wife asked me to attend a self help/spiritual guru type seminar in our local town hall. It was over 2 days and was free. Although the seminar was bible based on the parables of Jesus, a lot resonated within. It wasn't the religious rhetoric but rather an understanding that Jesus knew something, but nobody listened to what he was actually saying.
The shell cracked when surfing the Internet one evening. I came across a JPG of a Buddhist monk meditating. I was drawn to this image so deeply I thought I was in a trance, the peace and compassion emanating from that image had such a profound affect I was speechless, later I realised I was actually thoughtless. I saved the JPG to my hard drive and went to bed. I promptly forgot about that image or so I thought. The following weekend I was browsing a local book shop, I was an avid junk novel reader, but this day for some reason I was looking through the inspiration/spiritual section when I picked up a book called The Power of Now. Now! I thought there’s a novel concept, why hadn’t some thought of that before, I was that naive. I brought the book and read in one sitting and to be honest I was changed, that night I sort out the Image of the monk meditating and the cog turned and locked in to place.
For the next 6 months or so I thought a lot about meditating and tried unsuccessfully (or so I thought) I wasn’t able to sit for long, so soon gave up. I thought about the Christian God and Jesus, even went to church once, but that wasn’t the path I wanted. I read a few self-help books and started saying affirmations, took up Tai Chi and Qigong.
A few years ago, my wife was visiting her elderly parents; her father (now deceased) was terminally ill, it was during this time that I would have moments of clarity and was able to show compassion and honesty in dealing with the on-coming death. The words that would appear were clear and precise, sometimes they seemed slightly harsh as I was new to this, but my wife took comfort in these minor teachings on death and subsequently living on in others. I must point out at this time I hadn’t discovered Buddhism these where just my thoughts and openness.
The switch came when my wife picked up a book in the hospice and began to read, the book was a novel loosely based on Buddhist teachings, and she mentioned it to me. Umm, I thought! Buddhism heard of it, haven’t a clue what it’s about. I knew it was based on the teachings of Buddha, but in my mind it was a religion, chanting monks and sitting cross legged on the floor. Ah! Monk, sitting, Meditating, that Image again. Who is he and what’s he about. After an evening of research I had found Buddhism and Ajahn Chah.
I read books, scoured the Internet, listened web casts and audio books. All involving lots of different traditions of Buddhism, I read about meditation and Zen. I started to research local Buddhist groups and centre’s. I went to teachings and meditation days and weekend retreats by the local Kadampa Buddhists, but after 18 months of trying NK Buddhism I realised that their methods are not for me, not because they’re wrong but because I couldn’t find a true connection.
As a result, here I am. Each morning I complete some basic Qigong and Yoga (prefer Yoga to Tai Chi), and then sit in Meditation for about 45mins, sometimes less, sometime more.
I haven’t been able to forget the image of Ajahn Chah meditating and I have this image framed and close to where I meditate, why that image resonated so much within I have yet to understand.
Although I read a lot about Thai forest Buddhism, Western Buddhist Psychology, Meditation and Spirituality in general I have yet to find the glue that binds it altogether. Some days the path is clear and others it’s overgrown and hidden, meditation is clearing the path, but the undergrowth is deeply rooted.
Thanks for listening.
Mark
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