I'm going to start out by thanking Michael Mackenzie and Eckhart Tolle because without them, I wouldn't be where I am NOW!
It all started off November 2011, I was in London with my mother as we went to see a band in Camden Town. We stayed in St. Johns Wood and came across a book shop in Primrose Hill, I think it was called Primrose Hill Bookshop, ironically... Anyways, as I was looking for something to read on the train journey home, my Mum picked up a book 'The Power of Now'... prior to this happening I'd been interested in Quantum Physics, the NDE Phenomena, survival of consciousness etc etc.. I was sort of aware of what Tolle was explaining and I found the whole read fascinating. I later google'd Eckhart Tolle and came across at first Holosync and then LifeFlow. I decided to follow my heart and go with LifeFlow, which I'm eternally grateful for as it's a price that is affordable for pretty much everyone and does exactly what it says on the label !
At first I started from LifeFlow 10 in December '11 and gradually worked my way down staying with a track for either one month, two or three.. At first I thought it's not working for me, this isn't right for me, as at that period I wasn't feeling anything from the meditation (it's now I realise why).. So I moved on and got deeper, LF 7,6,5 ... I was continuing to read A New Earth and thankfully my job is quiet at times so I used that time to observe my mind whilst working, catching in wandering, consciously and aware.
In late 2012 is when things started to take off, I was becoming more aware of my emotions, thoughts etc.. I've been going through a rough patch with health and everything which as an aquarian I tend to keep things bottled up and to myself instead of talking about them. Anyway, one day I came home from work and couldn't hold it and cried, told my Mum what I was feeling and let the negativity inside dissolve... It's great to talk about things, be honest & sincere.
Around the Christmas we just had, I was led on my bedroom floor, nothing but silence around midnight.. and I just said to myself.. "you will die one day, things do go wrong, can you be at peace with that?" and I just accepted everything as it is because it is what it is, and for it to be any different just adds more dysfunction, more pain (sorry, I'm just mimicking Eckhart Tolle).
In the past week or so I feel completly different, I'm here, I'm now, my ego is dissolving and I feel at peace, there's a warm feeling inside. It's when you realise, it's always here, it's always now, we're eternal, there's no such thing as anything bad... It's all an illusion, we are love, we are light, we are oneanother and we always will be. It's not something that we'll suddenly get ! it's something we already are! You can't get consciousness, you are consciousness. Still your mind, be at peace. I'm still sat here with some ego but it doesn't have a grip on me anymore, I know what I am, not who I think I am; not some illusionary individual but something more connected, something real.
See with the meditation, it's not suppose to be the same for everyone so if you get a bit anxious and feel 'it's not working for me' because somebody else has 'a rush of endorphins' and feels at peace but I don't.. Believe me, continue meditating daily, you'll get there!
We've got nature to thank as well because birds & trees have really helped me stay focused and remain present. If we observe nature we can see that it remains present, it is as it is.. why do we have to add so much tension and worry to ourselves but a seagull just spreads in wings and 'ahh this is nice, oh look a crumb..' Just remain present, whatever happens next is always a mystery.
Last night, I talked things over with my girl and we both went our own ways (I never would've done that in any previous relationship), I would've held a grudge, a lot of tension etc. Just mentioning this to say it's a lot easier now to let go of situations, certain people etc. I don't even feel sadness or bitter, I feel happy and relieved because I can start a new chapter. Situations change, people change, just let go, let go of the illusion, let life flow.
Life is beautiful, we've just got to say thankyou for everything, another chance to learn and to grow as physical beings.
Continue to pursue the peace, you are it!
One Love !
Heaven :)
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