A changing body awareness

[Kauil]

Hey

So recently I've been having this feeling of altered body image. Like something in me (my whole body, rather) wants to NOT be within my body. It's actually not a feeling, nor emotion. Just this full-body-awareness thing. Very hard to categorize. At first it felt uneasy, but I've learned to like it now.

I've also found that it's easy to let go of my self, it's easier to be around other people, when in this state. It's like the worries of self (ego?) are let go, inhibitions removed, I can just be whatever. If only I could conjure the state at will, I would.

Anyone have a similar experiences?

[Prasanam]

You can conjure this state at will. It just takes some training. We decide when we are happy and when we are not. I trained myself to put myself in any kind of state, just to master them. Now I can feel rejection or culpability and be happy at the same time.

[Midnight]

Hey Kauil,

When I first started meditation, there were periods (though few and far between in the beginning) where I felt light and ease, and being around others was a joy. There was no effort in letting go or trying too hard to be "normal" around other people. It seemed like this state was the key to being with others, to be a fun person to be around.

Though that led me to wanting to be in that state as much as I could. It felt like I could only really talk to people when I felt peaceful, and happy, and at ease. For a little while, I avoided talking to people until I felt this good...it soon progressed into me not wanting to talk to friends i've had for years for fear of not being able to be normal or fun around them if I wasn't in that state.

I'd remember every once in a while though, that before I started meditation, I didn't need any of this. I didn't need to try to be something, or do something to do something as simple as talking to my friends. Why then do I feel so unnatural around people all the time? And now people that I've know for years, I can't seem to help but act strange around them too...

A realization occurred to me after a particularly awkward night. I felt pretty bad and anxious before I went out and I wanted really badly to just have fun and be normal, and relax around people, that I ended up just making bad jokes, saying awkward things, and just not being natural around my friends.

After I went home that night, I wondered why things weren't so "consistent" anymore. When I've felt bad in the past, I could always turn to my friends and have fun with them...

I realized that it was because I never tried to act any other way than what I felt around them. If i felt anxious, or bad, or whatever, I never tried to act like I wasn't around them. There were no worries of being judged, or not having fun. Being natural around people is all about not lying to yourself about how you're feeling. Being true to yourself. If you don't feel like laughing, or talking...don't! Just listen. Add in something if you feel like it. If you feel awkward, feel awkward! Some people might find it genuinely charming. People enjoy being around you regardless of how you feel, as long as you're not trying to be something you aren't. I noticed then, that people are annoyed by other people who aren't being real with themselves. Where you are now is perfect, it truly is.