Everything is for a reason?

Volcom23 · August 3rd, 2010, 16:07

Do you believe in destiny-- that everything happens to you have meanings? Which side do you believe: all things are just accidents and those are just how reality works or everything happens for a reason? Do you believe that there is God and other extraordinary energies that controls our lives or there is just nothing but actual and physical world? Whether you had anxiety problems, physically scarred, born with disabilities, born to be extremely popular, born to be a singer, had weird behaviors, mean something about your life?

I am now in a state of chronic depression because I cannot understand the world, the reality, the changing environment and myself. I am still a teen and I have some suicidal thoughts because I cannot understand myself and my relationship with other people. I was currently diagnosed with social anxiety and other anxiety-related problems. I had some scars which make me insecure and worsen my social anxiety. I suspect that my mother also suffered from social anxiety since she was still a child probably because of her big scar in her face.

I felt now burdened as if I'm not normal and I do not belong and my physical scars (though they are not that worse compared to other people) make me weird. It's getting worse as my mind grows and being aware of the realities happening in the world. I struggle to love myself and to have better relationships with other people and to be successful with my goals.

I know this thread is getting weird but I really want to answer these questions in my mind because they are driving me crazy. I also know that I had just need to be happy with my life and stop being negative but there are really times that I get neurotic and I tend to search for answers that my mind are asking.

Being with people and exploring myself is a constant struggle for me. Sometimes I feel happy and energetic but most of the time I feel depressed and totally stressed. I cannot keep up with my friends and I had thoughts that I'm totally weird.

Words of wisdom would be a great help.

Ta-tsu-wa · August 3rd, 2010, 18:44

Volcom,

You need to seek the assistance of a medical professional and you need to do it today, right now. Suicidal thoughts are nothing to be trifled with. They aren't something you go online looking for help to deal with. If you're in the USA, check your phone listings for a Crisis Hotline or Suicide Prevention Hotline, or something with a similar name. Every city has such a number. If you can't find it, call directory assistance and ask for any number to a Crisis Hotline. They'll know what number to give you. If you can't find that number ask for one called the "Council on Aging and Disability" and call them. Tell them you need a referral to a Crisis Prevention Hotline. If you're not in the US but elsewhere, I don't know what the specific name of the group or agency is, but I'm certain if you call your version of directory assistance they could tell you immediately.

Do take this seriously. No one on this or any other forum is qualified to advise you at this point, and any medical professionals who are members of this community will tell you flat out they would not attempt to advise you under this format. From your description you are WAY past the point at which you should be trying to self-treat. So please, look up one of those phone numbers I mentioned and call them right now.

Omm · August 3rd, 2010, 20:37

Hi Volcom,

It is good that you are reaching out; I'm really glad that you are seeking understanding and higher ground. I also really appreciate Ta-tsu-wa's suggestion and agree that calling a hotline to speak with someone live would be most advantageous. There are people on the hotlines that volunteer their time because they really care and they have wonderful resources to connect you with those who can best support you with what you're experiencing at this time. Please post and let us know how it goes as time permits.

Love and Light,
Ommm

Midnight · August 4th, 2010, 03:52

Agreed with Ta-Tsu-Wa. I strongly recommend you speak to a specialist.

If you've tried everything and feel like nothing is working, try looking into past-life therapy. It sounds really weird, and irrelevant, but after researching things for myself, reading books about people's experiences (particularly Many Lives, Many Masters by a well respected psychologist) it makes sense to me that lessons you haven't learned in a past-life carry over to the next one.

Again, you can take what I say with a grain of salt, but that's always an option to try. While reading Many Lives, Many Masters I felt the truth of some passages in the book resonate in my body. I no longer have a fear of death. It's amazing how many fears stem from a fear of death.

That being said, it doesn't mean that whatever problems you face now were created in some distant lifetime, it could stem from the environment that you grew up in, or your social culture.

Everybody is born a diamond. Experiences and life sometimes put mud on your diamond, and it is your job to remove the mud from the diamond. Meditation and mindfulness are effective ways to do this. I know what I'm saying is true, because i've experienced this myself. I once had a moderate amount of social anxiety, but I realized it's because I wanted things from people. I wanted them to laugh at my jokes, to want to hang out with me, to want them to talk to me, etc, etc. After months of meditation, I've realized that there's no need to desire anything from anybody because I am enough. I talk to people without trying to get to a specific outcome because there is really no need to impress anybody. Humans are naturally social creatures, but your mind can create imaginary issues that will cause you not to see it for yourself.

There are times when wanting a specific outcome in an interaction creeps back into my mind, and that's okay. My intuition tells me that my release of inner emotions and years of living that way makes it come back to the surface and makes me feel that way. When I am not in a stage of releasing, everything falls together. When I am in the middle of releasing some sort of emotion, or an emotion comes up, I am aware of the underlying peace and I allow the emotion to be as is. During this phase, it might feel like i've forgotten everything i've learned, but that's part of the process. You can cover up your true nature (radiance, beauty, lightness), but you can't get rid of it.

EVERYONE is born to shine. Concepts like popularity, status, etc, are human/mind created and don't really have a basis in anything. They are impermanent and they will dissipate. People who have other people attracted to them and seem to shine have less mud covering up their diamond. There are no fears that they need to fight. No need to think about anything in particular. Just go with the flow. Don't try to love yourself. Accept that you don't feel that way. It will pass. Accept everything, and don't struggle to attain a certain state, because there is no need to be anywhere than where you are right now.

Volcom23 · August 4th, 2010, 16:36

Originally Posted by Ta-tsu-wa

Volcom,

You need to seek the assistance of a medical professional and you need to do it today, right now. Suicidal thoughts are nothing to be trifled with. They aren't something you go online looking for help to deal with. If you're in the USA, check your phone listings for a Crisis Hotline or Suicide Prevention Hotline, or something with a similar name. Every city has such a number. If you can't find it, call directory assistance and ask for any number to a Crisis Hotline. They'll know what number to give you. If you can't find that number ask for one called the "Council on Aging and Disability" and call them. Tell them you need a referral to a Crisis Prevention Hotline. If you're not in the US but elsewhere, I don't know what the specific name of the group or agency is, but I'm certain if you call your version of directory assistance they could tell you immediately.

Hello Ta-tsu-wa! Thank you very much for the concern. I haven't tried those hotlines you mentioned, I don't think those organizations are available here in the Philippines.

Anyway, my anxiety just hit me yesterday-- the reason why I wrote this thread. It's true that I had suicidal thoughts but I really try my best to control my emotions and my impulses. Everytime I had those thoughts that almost drive me crazy I have to remind myself that I'm still young and I have so many things to do in my life. I always remind myself that I'm not alone that there are other people who are lot worse than me.

Thank you very much for the help. I will look forward towards conquering my anxiety problems with the help of meditation and therapy.

Volcom23 · August 4th, 2010, 16:47

Originally Posted by Midnight

Everybody is born a diamond. Experiences and life sometimes put mud on your diamond, and it is your job to remove the mud from the diamond. Meditation and mindfulness are effective ways to do this. I know what I'm saying is true, because i've experienced this myself. I once had a moderate amount of social anxiety, but I realized it's because I wanted things from people. I wanted them to laugh at my jokes, to want to hang out with me, to want them to talk to me, etc, etc. After months of meditation, I've realized that there's no need to desire anything from anybody because I am enough. I talk to people without trying to get to a specific outcome because there is really no need to impress anybody. Humans are naturally social creatures, but your mind can create imaginary issues that will cause you not to see it for yourself.

Thank you very much for the great advice! I really appreciate it cause I can relate to this. I am now about 2 months practicing my meditation but I can't notice any improvement. Thank you very much and I will look forward with my meditation. I hope I can attain the state of mind that you had achieved.

Midnight · August 4th, 2010, 20:22

It's not so much as having a state of mind, but more like a lack of state of mind. It doesn't need to be thought about. Just enjoy life as it comes! I know you'll reach this point one day, because it's your true nature. It's everybody's true nature.

Are you sure you haven't improved? Have your expectations of the benefits you wouldve recieved from meditation made you overlook the actual benefits that have arisen in you?

For a while, there was a period where after every meditation, I felt great, but then I felt stressed out again later. I couldn't exactly pinpoint the cause, so I deduced it was stress and other emotions that were hidden in my body being released. It was difficult to keep up my normal positive state, and it was a bit hard to say that I was truly happy and benefiting from meditation.

After periods like this (which can be quick and easy, or lasting for a week or two) I usually learn something and during later periods of upheaval, I had more presence to get through it (meaning I didn't feel as stressed and I remained positive regardless of how my body was feeling).

I wrote that because I thought you might be feeling this because you say you're happy and energetic sometimes, but stressed most of the time. When you feel stressed, not knowing exactly what it is may cause you to freak out and prolong it. Once I learned this for myself, it was easy to let go.

Volcom23 · August 5th, 2010, 18:40

Originally Posted by Midnight

It's not so much as having a state of mind, but more like a lack of state of mind. It doesn't need to be thought about. Just enjoy life as it comes! I know you'll reach this point one day, because it's your true nature. It's everybody's true nature.

Are you sure you haven't improved? Have your expectations of the benefits you wouldve recieved from meditation made you overlook the actual benefits that have arisen in you?

Probably you are right that I was just expecting too much. The good thing is that I learned now to control my perfectionism and I eventually learned how to just accept whatever happens to me without overgeneralizing. I am seriously hurt whenever I failed to achieve something that I had set and I tend to worry too much of failing. Probably because of meditation I had acquired a vivid glimpse of one of the causes of my anxieties-- that is being a perfectionist.

Currently, I feel at ease with myself unlike before. My anxious thoughts related to concerns about what other people are thinking about me are not that very severe unlike before.

What is now in my mind that tend to disturb me is that I tend to have lots of questions about my existence; about the significance of the world. I tend to hate all those selfish people building all their material wealth on this earth everytime I hear negative news about poverty, corruption, etc.

I don't know what is currently happening in my mind. I am just confused about achieving goals and reaching dreams and gaining pride with ourselves. I just hate all those selfish people who are constantly craving for material wealth and pride and trying to acquire superiority by hitting those who are weak. I even hate myself-- my ego which is the source of my pains that I had from my past and in the present moment.

Probably it's just the result of the chronic depression and anxiety that I had gone through; the external factors that triggered the inner bullies in my mind that lead me to hate the materialistic world.

olmate · August 6th, 2010, 03:19

Hi Volcom23,

Many of the wonderful people who make contributions to this forum are extremely wise. Their advice resonates with truth and wisdom. A number of those people have contributed to this thread. I would urge you to read their contributions again and let their advice settle deep within you. It will point a pathway to healing.

The sour feeling you are experiencing with hate needs to be released so you can grow and flourish. And we rarely are able to do that on our own. Professionals will provide you with help to start down the path of liberation. It is safe, it is gentle and it is healing and it is OK. If you extend your hand, someone will gently take it...

Do take care...

Olmate

Volcom23 · August 7th, 2010, 14:12

Originally Posted by olmate

Hi Volcom23,

Many of the wonderful people who make contributions to this forum are extremely wise. Their advice resonates with truth and wisdom. A number of those people have contributed to this thread. I would urge you to read their contributions again and let their advice settle deep within you. It will point a pathway to healing.

The sour feeling you are experiencing with hate needs to be released so you can grow and flourish. And we rarely are able to do that on our own. Professionals will provide you with help to start down the path of liberation. It is safe, it is gentle and it is healing and it is OK. If you extend your hand, someone will gently take it...

Do take care...

Olmate

Thank you. I'm still on my therapy right now.