Everything is for a reason?

[Teckniec]

What is now in my mind that tend to disturb me is that I tend to have lots of questions about my existence; about the significance of the world. I tend to hate all those selfish people building all their material wealth on this earth everytime I hear negative news about poverty, corruption, etc.

I don't know what is currently happening in my mind. I am just confused about achieving goals and reaching dreams and gaining pride with ourselves. I just hate all those selfish people who are constantly craving for material wealth and pride and trying to acquire superiority by hitting those who are weak. I even hate myself-- my ego which is the source of my pains that I had from my past and in the present moment.

I know how you feel. I know a lot about what goes on in the world and why, it is indeed very depressing and sad. I live a fairly comfortable life but sometimes it seems like its never enough and yet so many people have literally nothing because of where they are born. I know it doesn't have to be this way but it is because of a handful of greedy people. I want to help people but I really don't know how I don't have resources, if I just flew to a third world country I would just end up being another hungry mouth to feed. I try to spread information to wake people up to whats going on but the US is full of zombies who only believe what they see on the news or from the government. They either don't care or will not even attempt to learn. It is very frustrating it at times feels like the weight of the worlds on my shoulders, like simply knowing makes me responsible. In the end you can only do so much, as long as we make an effort that is enough. I know even if their minds are trapped their souls will always be free, no one can take that from you.

I know what its like to feel alienated, I spend a lot of time in solitude. I have a hard time making friends because people don't seem to have an interest in me, i have like zero charisma. I went a whole year of High school without making one friend or acquaintance. It never really bothered me, what bothered me most was the people whom those flocked too i thought whats so great about them? How the social system worked just would not make sense for me and still doesn't. I have a few friends now and I trust them with my life I feel its all about quality. I'm physically disabled and its honestly doesn't bother me, what bothers me is being treated different, not being seen as an equal. Either people being too nice or people trying to avoid me because i make them feel uncomfortable. I once was when i was 12-13 playing with some younger kids in a play pen and I was throwing them in the air and they were really enjoying it, I walked up to a little girl and asked if she would like me to toss her and she stared at my hand and i could see the fear in her eyes, she was really afraid of me. That really hurt me and I know its not her fault but it still hurts. i heard this somewhere "You can't understand life while you live life", You can't try to analyze everything, you've gotta just enjoy whats in front of you at the time. You might have a bad day and think of nothing but how bad it was but if you do that you might miss a pretty flower on your way home or a interesting cloud that passes by. Have you heard of wayne dyer or deepak chopra? Their teaching seems to resonate well with me and hopefully they can for you as well.

"we do not attract into our lives what we want; we attract what we are, and what we are is nothing more then the beliefs about what we are and what we are capable of doing." -wayne dryer
I hope you can overcome this obstacle placed in your path on your way to enlightenment

[Volcom23]

Originally Posted by Teckniec

I know how you feel. I know a lot about what goes on in the world and why, it is indeed very depressing and sad. I live a fairly comfortable life but sometimes it seems like its never enough and yet so many people have literally nothing because of where they are born. I know it doesn't have to be this way but it is because of a handful of greedy people. I want to help people but I really don't know how I don't have resources, if I just flew to a third world country I would just end up being another hungry mouth to feed. I try to spread information to wake people up to whats going on but the US is full of zombies who only believe what they see on the news or from the government. They either don't care or will not even attempt to learn. It is very frustrating it at times feels like the weight of the worlds on my shoulders, like simply knowing makes me responsible. In the end you can only do so much, as long as we make an effort that is enough. I know even if their minds are trapped their souls will always be free, no one can take that from you.

I know what its like to feel alienated, I spend a lot of time in solitude. I have a hard time making friends because people don't seem to have an interest in me, i have like zero charisma. I went a whole year of High school without making one friend or acquaintance. It never really bothered me, what bothered me most was the people whom those flocked too i thought whats so great about them? How the social system worked just would not make sense for me and still doesn't. I have a few friends now and I trust them with my life I feel its all about quality. I'm physically disabled and its honestly doesn't bother me, what bothers me is being treated different, not being seen as an equal. Either people being too nice or people trying to avoid me because i make them feel uncomfortable. I once was when i was 12-13 playing with some younger kids in a play pen and I was throwing them in the air and they were really enjoying it, I walked up to a little girl and asked if she would like me to toss her and she stared at my hand and i could see the fear in her eyes, she was really afraid of me. That really hurt me and I know its not her fault but it still hurts. i heard this somewhere "You can't understand life while you live life", You can't try to analyze everything, you've gotta just enjoy whats in front of you at the time. You might have a bad day and think of nothing but how bad it was but if you do that you might miss a pretty flower on your way home or a interesting cloud that passes by. Have you heard of wayne dyer or deepak chopra? Their teaching seems to resonate well with me and hopefully they can for you as well.

"we do not attract into our lives what we want; we attract what we are, and what we are is nothing more then the beliefs about what we are and what we are capable of doing." -wayne dryer
I hope you can overcome this obstacle placed in your path on your way to enlightenment

Hello Teckniec! Thank you very much for the reply and the great advice. I am very touched and I can relate to what you had said. Recently, I was thinking again about the circumstances and the interactions I had with my peers and other people in school. It made me think again about my worth and my pride and image in terms of my peers.

I know this purely a very general issue in my case. I tend to overgeneralize things and evaluate the circumstances that had happened to me to the point that I'd missed the good things that were around me. My problem is I'm very serious on things and I'm very much concerned on the things happening within me-- my thoughts, feelings, whether I had improved or something.

I am suffering from too much perfectionism and pride (these are probably the causes of my social anxiety). These are one of the biggest mistakes that I was not aware of. I didn't know that my motivation and successes were driven from a need of impression from others, approval and respect and seen as great on areas that I'm good at. I'm not aware that my perfectionism was slowly destroying my well being and most especially my relationships with my friends.

On the other hand, I also ponder whether I need to improve my social skills. I was very shy since I was a child. My mind is telling me: if I continue to improve my social skills and start being assertive-- would it make me more competitive and have approval and respect from others? No matter how I remind myself that it's not the right thing to do, I'm still concerned about what others think of me and I'm easily affected with taunting.

These are the two conflicting beliefs that make me confused as of now. I feel that I'm totally worthless-- a total failure that has no true identity. I'm confused whether the thing that alienates me is my own weird behaviors or I am just very suspicious about what other people think of me.

I have now insecurities-- I feel as if I'm incapable. I am thinking that I'm a total failure. No matter how I try to improve and change things-- I just can't have them. It seems that the universe is against me. Everytime I feel energized as I grasp all those self-help strategies and ideas-- after all everything seems not working at all.

Considering all the circumstances, challenges, lessons, and ideas from other sources-- I am now confused about what is really the meaning of life. I had gone too much pain and whether all those pains and successes that I had gone through provide me peace of mind and happiness.

Anyway, I am very much glad that you had shared your experience and your advice with me. I will end until here. I had so many thoughts in my head that I want to include in this post but I will just confuse you and the other readers.

I know I really need therapy and I just start living the present moment and being happy with my life.

[chris-da-fur]

Hello volcom!

I just read this topic and I think I have something to add. When I was younger, starting at like 13-14 I had problems with acne. At first it wasn't so bad, I could live with it but it kept getting worse.

So in a nutshell by the time I was 18 it was really bad. I went on that satanic drug accutane and that's when stuff got real bad. My face just like exploded with these huge cystic acne spots and it was down right traumatizing. I mean it took all of my strength just to go out in public and my self worth and confidence just evaporated. The only thing that kept me going was that more breakouts was normal in the first few months of taking this drug then it all clears up. At the time it seemed absolutely impossible for my face to clear up, it was SO bad. I started thinking of myself as ugly and deformed and just like, alone, worthless. It was real bad.

So it all eventually cleared up which was nothing short of a miracle, but it left scars behind. Great, I thought, now I don't have acne, just big weird scars all over the place! So I have been living with them ever since, I'm 21 now.

Needless to say I developed some serious social anxiety from a relatively young age. I didn't like being close to other people's faces, like talking and stuff, I couldn't imagine any girl wanting to kiss me with my face all messed up, I just felt like an outcast because I had yet to see anyone with as bad a case as I had.

But then something strange happened, I just kind of let go. It was like someone poked an anxiety filled balloon inside me and I just gave up caring about the scars, what people thought of me, what they were saying about me behind my back, how I looked, all of it. I realized there was nothing I could do about it and I just couldn't keep worrying about it, it was just too much. Since then not a single person has asked me what the scars are from, I don't see anyone scanning my face while I am talking to them, they always look me straight in the eyes, and it just generally is like they don't exist. Now they have healed a fair amount in the last few years so they aren't massive or crazy or anything, but they are still clearly visible and every once in awhile I catch myself looking in a mirror cursing the damn things, but then I remember that drug cured my acne, like 99.5 percent, forever. Also I avoided pretty much all of the horrible possible side effects, so I really am grateful despite my face still recovering. Having acne that bad really left me in a battle with my identity and mind, and without it I would never have questioned who "I" am.

Whew, kinda rambled on there, but anyway as far as the meaning of life goes, the conclusion I have come to after looking at what like every other being on the planet does, is that the main meaning of life is to procreate and help ensure the survival of your species, after that pretty much anything is fair game. Just being alive and able to see, smell, take a deep breath, and interact with our own species and our own mind is the miracle of my life! Life just seems to short to worry about why it exists or what I'm supposed to do. Give yourself a break!!! There was something I read somewhere that marked a big change in my progress, that being your own best friend is a lot better than your own drill sergeant. I was a drill sergeant all the way, being really demanding and expecting perfection from myself and it just held me back and compounded my problems. As soon as I backed off and gave myself a rest it like opened the flood gates.

I hope that helps, just know that you are never alone!

Peace!
Chris

[Ramai]

Hello volcom!

Suicide is a permanent solution to temporary problems.

Believe me, I had my thoughts about it when I was 16. Am I am glad I didn't go through with it? You bet. I would have missed out on the rest of my life, which turned out to be infinitely better than I could have imagined back then. "Back Then" was a dark time when everything seemed to be hopeless, wrong and with no future. Now, when I think about it, it's like it was someone else's life.
Find someone to talk to about your pain, your fears, your feelings. What I can tell you for sure is that your circumstances will change, give it time.
LOVE,
Ramai

[islovin]

Originally Posted by Volcom23

Do you believe in destiny-- that everything happens to you have meanings?

Volcom23,

My question to you is....Who decides what the meanings and the reasons are?

Irene

[Volcom23]

Originally Posted by chris-da-fur

=

But then something strange happened, I just kind of let go. It was like someone poked an anxiety filled balloon inside me and I just gave up caring about the scars, what people thought of me, what they were saying about me behind my back, how I looked, all of it. I realized there was nothing I could do about it and I just couldn't keep worrying about it, it was just too much. Since then not a single person has asked me what the scars are from, I don't see anyone scanning my face while I am talking to them, they always look me straight in the eyes, and it just generally is like they don't exist. Now they have healed a fair amount in the last few years so they aren't massive or crazy or anything, but they are still clearly visible and every once in awhile I catch myself looking in a mirror cursing the damn things, but then I remember that drug cured my acne, like 99.5 percent, forever. Also I avoided pretty much all of the horrible possible side effects, so I really am grateful despite my face still recovering. Having acne that bad really left me in a battle with my identity and mind, and without it I would never have questioned who "I" am.
Chris

I can relate to this! Thanks Chris for the great advice.

I suddenly realized that I'm just the one creating this problem. It is all in my mind. But the anxiety is still there and I'm struggling with it.

[Volcom23]

Originally Posted by Ramai

Hello volcom!

Suicide is a permanent solution to temporary problems.

Believe me, I had my thoughts about it when I was 16. Am I am glad I didn't go through with it? You bet. I would have missed out on the rest of my life, which turned out to be infinitely better than I could have imagined back then. "Back Then" was a dark time when everything seemed to be hopeless, wrong and with no future. Now, when I think about it, it's like it was someone else's life.
Find someone to talk to about your pain, your fears, your feelings. What I can tell you for sure is that your circumstances will change, give it time.
LOVE,
Ramai

Yeah, you're right. It's good that I found this site because somehow I could eventually pour out my emotions here by posting them. I feel good when other people share their experiences and pains that they are going through. It's good because somehow it alleviates the pain that I'm feeling by realizing that I'm not alone. Thank you very much Ramai for sharing yours.

[Volcom23]

Originally Posted by islovin

Volcom23,

My question to you is....Who decides what the meanings and the reasons are?

Irene

I don't know. I don't understand. Probably me?

[Panthau]

Originally Posted by Ramai

Hello volcom!

Suicide is a permanent solution to temporary problems.

Ive been reading something different about this, in out of body experiences. There have been reports, that people who kill themself just get out of their body, but the problem remains. It actually worsens the problem somehow, because of the lack of a physical body and the lack of being able to talk to loved or hated ones.

Just my 50 cents.

Atb,
Pan

[Ramai]

Originally Posted by Panthau

Ive been reading something different about this, in out of body experiences. There have been reports, that people who kill themself just get out of their body, but the problem remains. It actually worsens the problem somehow, because of the lack of a physical body and the lack of being able to talk to loved or hated ones.

Just my 50 cents.

Atb,
Pan

Hi Pan,

I can see your point but, what if we look at this from a different perspective.
What was the acted intention here? To release or change the negative circumstances?; or to be without a physical body?
Everything that happens to ME in MY world(material and spiritual) is a product of MY intention. Only when ME dissolves, that changes.


Love,
Ramai