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Old March 31st, 2010, 09:20   #1 (permalink)
Panthau (Offline)
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Default Can i have some...

...negative criticism?

I trust you guys, and i need some feedback about how you guys perceive me.
I dont mean the positive side!
I just want to see if i perceive my behavior at least a bit the way others do.

I know its a maybe a big request... i apologize, i just want to enhance my social life.

Thanks!
Pan
 
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Old March 31st, 2010, 09:39   #2 (permalink)
Edwin (Offline)
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That's rather hard Pan !

First of all, most posts that I read from you are quite good lately, and you always seem willing to help others. If you would have asked me this question a few years ago, I might have answered quite differently, but the fact that you didn't then, and do now, also says a lot about you and how you are doing lately

But why do you want to know Pan ? Do you want to change your self-image ? Brush up on it, become a better person ?
 
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Old March 31st, 2010, 12:35   #3 (permalink)
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Thanks for your opinion Edwin!

I want to know, because i sometimes feel that people could see me a bit "pretentious". Ive learned a lot, and sometimes im not sure if i tell people things they dont even want to hear.

So iŽd only like to get a feedback regarding this, so if you experienced something like that i can maybe be more consciousness about it... but maybe its all just in my mind.
In any way, i can handle it if theres something "negative" (which is probably hard for you, Edwin, to find, because it needs judging).

These days i normaly dont want anything... most of the times i let go of anything, so that i sometimes even dont understand what people are saying because my mind has shut up *gg*

Thanks again,
Pan
 
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Old March 31st, 2010, 13:01   #4 (permalink)
Edwin (Offline)
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Originally Posted by Panthau View Post
I want to know, because i sometimes feel that people could see me a bit "pretentious". Ive learned a lot, and sometimes im not sure if i tell people things they dont even want to hear.
That feeling could be right, it could be wrong. My guru gave me the advice to share as little information as possible about spiritual topics. Only when asked directly should you give information. People should notice you, regardless of what you have to say. Try to be a guru who doesn't want to be, so to speak.

This is why I have tried to keep the info inhere limited to meditation advice as much as possible lately. Why bother people with information they don't need anyway ?

Ramana Maharshi was reluctant to speak in general, let alone about Self-realisation, and he is considered the greatest sage of the past century. Go figure
 
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Old March 31st, 2010, 13:19   #5 (permalink)
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I agree with Edwin's comments Pan. So I can more clearly understand your question, what do you mean when you say you tell people things they don't want to hear? Are you trying to help them by telling them things they may not be interested in at this point in their lives or are you giving them your opinion about them?

About the following comment you made:-

"These days i normaly dont want anything... most of the times i let go of anything, so that i sometimes even dont understand what people are saying because my mind has shut up *gg*"

Does this mean you are not listening to others or am I completely misunderstanding you?

I have answered this question because you seem to really want an answer, however, I want you to understand that although I enjoy reading some of your threads and posts with some other members, I don't often comment because they can sometimes be too deep for a simple mind like mine

I'd love to be of help but I'm not getting a clear understanding of what you want. I wish you continued peace and joy
 
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Old March 31st, 2010, 13:22   #6 (permalink)
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Its just that people made their life so much more worthwile, after getting to talk with me about these topics, that its just a pleasure for me to share the info i also got from someone else.

But i agree, someone has to be super sensible about these topics, as they can offend people (or their egos) very easy. I dont get the point in hiding these informations though... when someones telling you about their bad life situation or such, why not tell them how they could do it better (if you have the feeling that they can handle the information)?

Last edited by Panthau : March 31st, 2010 at 13:33.
 
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Old March 31st, 2010, 13:32   #7 (permalink)
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Hi polly, nice to have you in "my" thread

Does this mean you are not listening to others or am I completely misunderstanding you?
No no, if someones talking to me directly, i listen of course... i dont want to offend anyone Its just that i dont understand some chatter sometimes, it seems my mind just doesnt interpret it somehow. Maybe its Alzheimer, i dont know *gg*

Are you trying to help them by telling them things they may not be interested in at this point in their lives or are you giving them your opinion about them?
Yes exactly. Im telling people sometimes these things (for example if someone tells me he hates people that seek attention, that its just a part of himself he is hating). In real life, i see if someone can handle it or if it was offending somehow, but on the internet im not quite sure how people see me when im telling them things like that. I registered at an "enlightemend" forum (in german), and i saw that people were partly offended when i said something. Whatever it was, i thought maybe some people on this forum experienced the same and just didnt react because of being polite.

Especially on this forum, where theres no PM function.

Hope you get what i meant
Thanks!
 
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Old March 31st, 2010, 13:36   #8 (permalink)
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Ahhhh, the penny has dropped with your last comment This will probably be one of your biggest frustrations Pan - it certainly used to be mine. Meditation has helped me to understand different belief systems and accept them as they are.

The following piece means more to me than ever now:-

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference"

You can only change and improve your own perspective and with time and patience people will notice and begin to ask you questions and my advice is then - only drip feed
 
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Old March 31st, 2010, 13:39   #9 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Panthau View Post
I dont get the point in hiding these informations though... when someones telling you about their bad life situation or such, why not tell them how they could do it better (if you have the feeling that they can handle the information)?
It's not so much hiding the information...

I said this:
My guru gave me the advice to share as little information as possible about spiritual topics. Only when asked directly should you give information. People should notice you, regardless of what you have to say. Try to be a guru who doesn't want to be, so to speak.
When people feel the need to talk to you about their problems, you have allready been noticed by them, and they probably tell you because they are looking for an answer ( this doesn't have to be, so ask first, sometimes people just need someone to listen so they can get it off their chest, they might not need help to solve the problem ).

So, if they come to you for help, by all means, give them !
But don't go giving advice to those that might seem in trouble, but don't want any help in fixing stuff.

But in the end, helping people with problems is kind of like rearranging deckchairs on the Titanic. It might give some relief or comfort at the time, but the main issue ( WATCH OUT ICEBERG !!! ) is not being attended
Leave that part to the psychiatrist
 
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Old March 31st, 2010, 13:43   #10 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Panthau View Post
Maybe its Alzheimer, i dont know *gg*
I have the same, I call it Alzheimer *light* or maybe *Diet* Alzheimer
 
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