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Old April 21st, 2009, 20:20   #1 (permalink)
Panthau (Offline)
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Default Serious question

Hi there.

I´d not post this anywhere else, but the people on this board are incredible, so maybe someone is able to push me in the right direction.
If you dont want to read all that text, just go down to the conclusio

I just had an insight in my meditation, which seems so bright and clear, but i just oversaw it the last 10 years. The way i am and feel was always a problem to me (and to others). I didnt "worked" like other people work, i always was overstrained with everything. Still i got a wonderful wife and son :-)

I always thought that its my childhood and some traumatic experiences are the problem and so i did a lot to release those old things. That was a lot of work till today and a lot has happened. Still this problem with beeing overstrained hasnt changed a bit.
The last 10 years i didnt had a constant job. I was just not able to do a full time job, because it overstrained me. Today im self employed and can take free time whenever i need it (so i did the last two days). I spent every free minute on my pc, most times playing something...i always feel secure behind my pc and not overstrained...the irony with that is, that those games always overstrained me but i didnt saw it. I stopped that all a few weeks ago and try now to not overstrain me (its hard, i always want to "do" something), besides my meditating every day, which makes me a lot more stable.

So the last weeks and days it was getting better and better. Saturday my son had First Communion. I was afraid of this day, because it meant to be with a lot of people and we had planned to go up the "Donauturm" which is a tower of 256m and i have agoraphobia. So i was a bit strained the days before. So after we were on the Donauturm, we went to the Prater, which is an amusement park. Because my son wanted me to, i did something like a whirligig with him, which was not easy for me because of my agoraphobia.
At this point, i was heavily overstrained. Most problem was the noise coming from all sides.

Since saturday, i feel like a horse had hit me. Depressions, anxiety, feeling "next" to me. Now this led me to where i am now...these problems seem to be mostly because im just a hyper sensible person, i just never came to this thought. My childhood and my personality (im strong and nothing can harm me) seem to intesify it, also that i dont feel my limits very well, because of the mask that im "immortal". Maybe im a little bit authistic or something, i dont know.

So i thought the best way to help myself is to keep on meditating, reduce impulses from outside as good as possible, and, i think the most important part, changing the perception of me and with that, how others see me...to "work" good enough that i can at least do my job and be there for my family.

But all this doesnt change the fact that i am like i am. So my question is, does someone have a clue what im talking about and has hints how to improve my situation?

The last 8 years my family didnt had that much from me, because of always beeing heavily overstrained. Now things are changing...with the help of lifeflow :-)

Thank you,
Pan

Last edited by Panthau : April 21st, 2009 at 20:23.
 
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Old April 22nd, 2009, 00:31   #2 (permalink)
GilesC (Offline)
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Hiya Pan

I do have a clue what you're talking about, so be assured you are talking sense. hehe!

It seems to me, aside from your past issues that I know you have been working on from what you have said here and on other threads, that your main issue is the art of being present; or not being present as it seems to be at the moment.

You find solace in meditation because this stills the mind, and that's a good indicator of the fact that when you are not meditating your mind is keeping very active. (It is better to consider that it is your mind that is keeping you active rather than you keeping an active mind because our true self is ever peaceful, but we tend to associate ourselves as being our minds, yet it is the mind taking control of us and making us believe this - Have a read of Ekhart Tolle's "The Power Of Now" if you want to understand more about that).

Obviously we can't meditate all day long (nice idea though) because we do have other things we have to get on and do. One of the exercises I have learnt to do (Taught as part of a Practical Philosophy course I've been attending), is something simply called The Exercise. It's primary purpose is to take us away from the thoughts of the mind and bring our focus back to the present moment. The good thing is it only takes a minute or two to do and you can slip it in when you notice you're getting an overactive mind and just need a time-out.

It goes like this:

First let the mind be free of any concern or preoccupation
Let the mind fall still and come to rest within
Be aware of where you are now
Feel the touch of your feet on the ground
The weight of the body on the chair
Feel the touch of the clothes on the skin
And the play of air on the face and hands
If they are open, let the eyes receive colour and form without any comment
Taste
Smell
Be fully here
Now be aware of hearing
Let sounds be received and let them rise and fall as they will without comment or judgement of any kind
With the body completely relaxed, let the hearing run right out to the furthest and gentlest sounds, embracing all.
Simply rest in this great awareness for a few moments

This exercise allows us to connect with out senses which we know operate in the present moment so it is a great way to bring ourselves back into the present. It's a little like a very short meditation but rather than going inward it simply connects outwardly. At first it can seem a little lengthy, but if you read through it a few times you will see that it starts at the feet and moves up the body, going through the various senses and ending up with the hearing where you should remain for a while.

So, that's the first thing you can do to help yourself come back into the present moment.

Of course, some people even find it troublesome to put aside a couple of minutes to do such an exercise, so there is a shortened version.. The course simply calls this The Pause..

First let the mind be free of any concern or preoccupation
Let the mind fall still and come to rest within
Now connect with the sense of hearing and simply rest in this great awareness for a few moments

This can be done in just 15-20 seconds and is ideal for doing before and after any task. e.g. When you get into your car, just Pause and bring yourself to the present moment before turning on the engine and driving (it will make you more alert and aware of the driving and less likely to be distracted by thoughts). Likewise, before or after any task.

Finally, the third thing that can help us to become more aware of the present moment is to do something even smaller than the Pause. If we can remember, we can simply connect with our senses at any moment. i.e. connect with the sense of your fingers on the keyboard of your computer as you hit the keys, connect with the touch of the pen as you pick it up, the sense of the water as it touches your lips, the sense of the sound of the birds singing, etc. etc.

Connecting with the senses is a great way to make us present and helps us to reduce the chatter of the mind.

Hope that's helpful

Hugs

Giles
 
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Old April 22nd, 2009, 05:53   #3 (permalink)
bashmaki (Offline)
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I think in a few words what you are saying is; much of the time you feel out of touch or out of place with your surroundings. There are many humans that can relate to that if they would stop long enough to realize it.

Thing is brother; you are to be commended for the realizations you have come up with. Many live very long lives never realizing what is going on within themselves nor around them.

Henry David Thoreau said, "Most men lead lives of quiet desperation."

Pan you've proven that this ain't you! Brother it ain't me either!

I might be desperate but be damned if I'm going to be quiet about it! I couldn't settle for desperation, man!

I don't know what can work for you but I do know what works for me. Mostly I feel like I've stumbled onto much of what has helped me. I suppose all the pieces actually fit together like one of those puzzles you find in a box; they actually all create a mosaic picture that makes a great deal of sense in the end.

Meditation, which you already do, helps a great deal.

Along with this I write. Sometimes I write online in this form or sometimes I write in a tablet. Getting thoughts down on paper can help one determine where one is and which direction one is headed.

Contemplation.
Contemplation can be coordinated along with writing in some ways and is always helpful in gaining insight into who/what one aspires to be or who/what one is.

The above are coordinated efforts of the spirit and mind and are important. However, we are spiritual beings living a physical existence and therefor need to relate to our bodies as well. We must know these bodies intimately and learn to care for them. Learn to recognize individual parts and how these parts feel from the perspective of the spirit.
By the above I mean can you lie down on your back and feel what your skin feels like against the floor. Can you close your eyes and feel what your eyes feel like against your eyelids when they are closed. Can you lie down and feel your kidneys and what they feel like; where their location is?
Can you feel the air as it fills your lungs or can you feel the beating of your heart as it pumps life throughout the body you inhabit.

There are many things you can do to improve the relationship between the mind,body and spirit. You can start by walking vigorously daily. Then maybe running for a time.
You could take a yoga class. This I can't stress enough. A good Yoga instructor will teach you to love your body and your relationship to it.
Bicycling is a wonderful way to get to know ones body and its strengths and limitations.
Challenge your body and find out what its strengths and weakness are. Capitalize on the body's strengths and improve its weaknesses. Learn to except its limitations and love it for what it can teach you about itself as well as the mind & spirit.

You can never truly know what you are without learning all you can about the home you inhabit.

Hope this helps some,
gus
 
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Old April 22nd, 2009, 10:07   #4 (permalink)
Panthau (Offline)
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You´re so right! Im not "in me" most of the times, because i always feel how others feel and whats going on around me but not whats going on "in me". My mind is so damn active, it feels like a radio with reception problems (even more when im stressed).
I think i really gotta be self-disciplined with me, with learning to be more "in me". Ill print that "Exercise" from you GilesC, and pin it on my wall, it sounds usefull!
Im totaly lazy when it comes to my body...i often thought about yoga, but most good teachers are really expensive. Anyway, there was always and there will always be a way *g*

Thanx for your perceptions guys, they lead me in the right direction. A direction i already knew and began to follow, but then lost it somehow. I sometimes have insights, but when i forget about them i get a slap (maybe more a knockdown) to remind me...

Thanx again,
Pan
 
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Old April 22nd, 2009, 13:40   #5 (permalink)
bashmaki (Offline)
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Pan,
I've never found yoga to be very expensive. Even when I was working in Sacramento California. The group sessions were only7 dollars US. I went once or twice a week and practiced on my own the rest of the week. In the mid-west USA, where I live, they are only Five dollars US. That's less than a meal out. Or, in the USA where we are personally responsible for buying our own medications, if you consider the cost of medication it is cheap.

Many places have specials for newcomers. Nine days for 15 dollars US or something similar to that. You would be surprised what a decent yoga instructor can teach you in 9 days.

What I found is that; in those nine days your body already begins to change and so does your relationship to it. In essence you become hooked on yoga. I always like to go back to a class once a week or so when I can. Keep searching out these beginner deals from Instructors until you find an instructor that clicks with you and then keep going back to that one once in awhile.

gus
 
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Old April 22nd, 2009, 18:01   #6 (permalink)
Panthau (Offline)
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Thanx for your tips bashmaki, maybe i just didnt found a good "and" cheap yoga class yet. The prices here (austria), where i got the feeling that its a good class, are between 35 and 80 euro an hour.
Im sure there is something suitable for me, but i never searched very intensive, because im just so lazy! I started with Aikido and KungFu, but gave up after a few months...its so exhausting lol.

I remembered a so called "rave chart" from the "Human Design System", where someone explaind to me years ago, that my "stress center" (the white one right bottom on the picture) is undefined and so open to everything from outside. This makes now sense to me, though i dont know how serious someone can take this system and how to handle an open "center". Just wanted to mention it, as i remembered it and had that old picture from it (made a new one now in english http://exec.at/philchart.jpg ).

Pan
 
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Old June 25th, 2009, 11:05   #7 (permalink)
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Hi Pan
Have you ever discussed the issue with your doctor or psychologist and perservered with any counselling ,prescribed treatment or any practical techniques offered ? From what you say it has been going on for some time and would therefore appearthere is no "quick fix "
Also avoiding stimulants such as coffee may also help to relax you as well as getting enough quality sleep , meditating etc
Good lick
John
 
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Old June 25th, 2009, 16:01   #8 (permalink)
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Pan,

Many people turn to meditation for many reasons and your reasons seem to be some haunting childhood experience/s and/or event/s.

It sounds to me that you suffer from PTSD. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I am not a doctor or a therapist but I recognize the symptoms because I too suffer from this.

I strongly believe that meditation which is largely an eastern philosophy should be combined with western psychology. It is all well and good to tell someone they must live in the "NOW". But what if you don't know what it is, that is keeping you from experiencing the "NOW" or what it is that is keeping you from experiencing the "NOW" they way you want to experience the "NOW."

This means that we must go back there...in order to get "HERE" ....we must go back there. You need not stay there, but you can not repress or disown your past. It will come out in unconscious and negative ways.

It is probably a good idea to do this with a professional.

I have been in therapy and now based on what I learned through exploring my past I can use meditation in a whole new way. When I become the observer of my thoughts...I am now understanding why I make some of the associations that I make. It truly is... a liberating, freeing exercise.

Try it....you will be glad that you did.

Hope this helps.

Irene

Last edited by islovin : June 25th, 2009 at 16:13.
 
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Old June 25th, 2009, 18:16   #9 (permalink)
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Pan,
I'm just a biginner and don't have a great deal to help you out with.I've been in the same boat and am just stepping out of it.I know the feeling and it's not a great place to be in.You have great suggestions from incredible people like Giles basmaki and others.I totally agree with basmaki's idea of knowing ourselves better because we live in the physical world.knowledge makes a great deal of difference to our understanding of ourselves inorder to go ahead and find the solution to problems we face.

you might want to look into HSP.
According to HSP Study: 20% of the population are highly sensitive.
the characterists says they
. become stressed out and upset when overwhelmed and may find it necessary to get away, maybe into a darkened room, to seek solitude, relief and comfort.

. are very creative.

.are very conscientious, hard working, and meticulous, but may become uncomfortable and less efficient or productive when being watched or scrutinized.

.feel compelled to file and organize things and thoughts, also enjoy simplicity and may become overwhelmed or even immobilized by chaos, clutter, or stress.

. are very uncomfortable when feeling things are getting out of your control.

.get a sense of comfort and well being when around a lake, river, stream, the ocean, or even a fountain.

. may experience mood swings, sometimes occurring almost instantly and can also be affected by other people's moods, emotions and problems.

. have a deep, rich, inner life, are very spiritual, and may also have vivid dreams.

.are very intuitive and you feel that you can usually sense if someone isn't telling the truth or if something else is wrong.

. get concerned and think or worry about many things, and have also been told "you take things too personally."

. have had the experience of "cutting people out" of your life.

. were considered quiet, introverted, timid, or shy as a child
If you are intersested to know more you can log on to the site below
www.youtube.com/watch?v=o4gnoReKgD4.You can then link into different self help exercises from there but at the end of the day the arrow will lead you to meditation.

You have brilliant awareness suggestions from giles.
Edwin's awareness exercise did wonders for me, believe me it will bring you
home in seconds. I think you've read it before but i know how you can't find anything when you need it .if you want to try out I'm passing you edwin's
suggestion.

"Ly down as comfortably as possible.
Slowly bring your focus towards your breathing, follow it as it goes in-out-in-out. Feel the air going through your chest, your nostrils, the feeling of fresh air filling your lungs. Try to expand your belly while you inhale. Try instead of exhaling with force, to just relax your chest and belly, let it flow out by pure gravity.
Now feel your entire body, your hands and feet, try to feel the life resonating inside them. Don't try to think about it, just try to observe it as if there is a distance between your mind and your body. All this should be effortless. Try to find tensions in your muscles, head, limbs and just observe them. Then go to your gratitude exercise.
During your gratitude exercise, try to keep the awareness on your body as well. just faintly in the background while you do your gratitude exercise.
After having done this for a few days, try to maintain this awareness in your daily life as well. about 20 % on your body, the rest on work, home, family.."

what ever you do please read Echart Tolle's "The power of Now" it helps.In fact i feel this is a must read book for beginners.The new earth is brilliant as
well.
take care pan and keep posting to let us know how you get on.
daffodil
 
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Old June 25th, 2009, 22:45   #10 (permalink)
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Sorry pan
ignore the above youtube site.Just google highly sensitive people and carry on fronm there.meanwhile if i come up with anything will post it for you.
daffodil

Last edited by daisy3 : June 25th, 2009 at 23:55.
 
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