Tranvic & Scott… good advice!
AzBearin, … an additional perspective… don’t mean to insult your experience or intellenece, but …
Some of the physical experiences you’re having may in fact be (as Scott has said) the program tinkering with your nervous system. Under average circumstances, a person might choose to just ignore it and push through, but by the very nature and tone of your post, I would say ‘easy does it buddy’. It seems that your current approach isn’t enabling you to off-load the anxiety you’re carrying.
Med’s designed to combat depression are engineered to limit specific brain functions and stimulate others to facilitate balance. Some types of mediation have a tendency to over stir the stew. They can over stimulate and result in anxiety instead of giving us a break. I’ve had my psychic eggs scrambled a few times by meditations that were not right for me or where I was emotionally at the time. The combination of the med’s and an intense meditation format has the potential to wind the clock spring a little too tight.
Meditation has the ability to focus our energy in different areas of our body. Spiritual and intellectual meditations push energy up to the head. If there’s already a lot going on there, we can get stressed, jumbled, etc. Meditations that promote feelings like compassion move energy onto the heart and magnify whatever else we’re feeling. Under some circumstances that’s not so great either. In these situations, the excess energy surfaces randomly in our body as cramps, jitters, pains, hot, cold, etc. We experience exhaustion, confusion and a bunch of negative feelings.
Sometimes immersion or contact imagery meditations can help. Imagine being immersed in warm (or cool) water or lying in an open field on soft earth. The mind takes these images and uses them as sensory keys to distribute energy throughout the imagined contact areas. In any event (were I you), I would get my mediation focus out of my head and perhaps out of my body all together and focus it on things solid and supportive like stone, earth, trees and water. Stop compressing the energy inside. Let it merge out, drain off, share a little with the rest of the planet. Hold a smooth rock in each hand and meditate on the contact feeling… stuff like that… I’m sure you get the picture.
Having someone knowledgeable conduct energy balancing work on you may also help drain away and balance your body and mind.
However it goes, remember it’s temporary… ‘this too shall pass’.