Desperate attempt at a new life

Shiraz · May 26th, 2011, 02:16

I have suffered from major depression for the past 5 years, I tried to commit suicide twice. I refuse to keep taking pills because I know I wasn't always like that and I can make myself better. So I beg you guys, literally, point me to a direction where I can start with meditation and practice every single day religiously till I have atleast peace of mind for more than an hour.

I used to think meditation wasn't really all that it's said to be since I am now cynical, but today I sat down, stared at an object for just 30 seconds and chanted "Waheguru Satnam" which is related to my religion and sometimes helps me get rid of massive headaches if I chant it. Anyway, I did it for about 30 seconds and felt so light and relieved, all my non stop thoughts just disappeared. So again, if you can email me or just tell me what book to read for positions or anything that will let me get into it. I will be really really grateful.

Curt-711 · May 26th, 2011, 12:29

I am not enlightened so whatever advice i give you cannot be relied upon. I feel for you in a way.

I can tell you from my experience only, since meditation i had been having this calm happiness everyone calls bliss, when this went due to lack of meditation i was using normal happiness to be happy and soon enough i became sad, i tryed to remove the sadness by watching tv and eating alot (was fasting those days) because i was not used to it. In the morning i woke up at 5:30 am and meditated on it till 7:00am, i saw with clarity where my sadness was coming and how it became sadness, after that experience i find it very hard to be an excited happiness or a sadness.

From this experience you can learn to do the same, that whenever you feel depression coming, you sit down however you want and you see/be aware/witness your thoughts, you just let them pass through your mind and watch, dont condemn dont say " this thought is good" or "this thought is bad", if you want to kill yourself email me and ill help you find a way to kill yourself too again i am not enlightened but i can give you a bit of help from my understanding and experience, if you want to ask me anything or like want to open up and say you want to kill yourself email me at :

Hazelkay · May 26th, 2011, 13:16

Welcome to the forum.

You have all our good wishes for a happier life.

There is a lot to say about meditation so I'll stick to a few thoughts.

First, have you downloaded the free meditation course? This is a great way to get into meditation.

There is no set posture but a few pointers. Its best to sit with a straight back and neck either on the floor or on a chair. If you lie down or support the whole of the back it is easy to fall asleep.

If you are just beginning, an hour can easily lead to overwhelm. Meditation allows stuff in the unconscious mind to surface into our awareness and this can be challenging. I would suggest only 10 minutes at time at the most to begin with. If things are going well add a minute each session and stay at 20 minutes at a time for a while. If things get challenging, cut back the time and build up slowly again when they improve.

Sometimes meditation sessions can be peaceful and often they are not. It may be that you are seeking an escape from your depressive thoughts for a little while with meditation (maybe you are not - if so, please forgive me!).

If you continue to to practise meditation it will help to be aware of your thoughts, but not involved with them. A thought will arise, depressive or not, and it will not lead to a connected train of thought, but just float off.

Think of a fish on the floor of the ocean with bubbles rising from the gills. Each bubble pops up, rises to the surface and pops. The bubbles are not connected, they rise independently and pop by themselves. If someone collects them before the surface and shakes them about a bit, the become a bigger bubble and the pop will be bigger when they are eventually released.

The thoughts are not you, they are just thoughts: in the final analysis, just a bit of vibrating energy. They have no power to hurt you. The only hurt comes from your reaction to them, your involvement with them, and your belief in them.

Meditation will not be a magic wand you can wave to 'cure' the depression, or even ward it off for a bit of peace, but it can be a slow and sure way to help you observe what is going on in your mind in an objective fashion.

If you can find one, a 'buddy' meditator would be great, to help you over the rough patches.

Hope this was somewhat helpful.

We are here to offer whatever help we can - keep us posted
peace and joy.

Shiraz · May 26th, 2011, 19:02

Originally Posted by Hazelkay

Welcome to the forum.

You have all our good wishes for a happier life.

There is a lot to say about meditation so I'll stick to a few thoughts.

First, have you downloaded the free meditation course? This is a great way to get into meditation.

There is no set posture but a few pointers. Its best to sit with a straight back and neck either on the floor or on a chair. If you lie down or support the whole of the back it is easy to fall asleep.

If you are just beginning, an hour can easily lead to overwhelm. Meditation allows stuff in the unconscious mind to surface into our awareness and this can be challenging. I would suggest only 10 minutes at time at the most to begin with. If things are going well add a minute each session and stay at 20 minutes at a time for a while. If things get challenging, cut back the time and build up slowly again when they improve.

Sometimes meditation sessions can be peaceful and often they are not. It may be that you are seeking an escape from your depressive thoughts for a little while with meditation (maybe you are not - if so, please forgive me!).

If you continue to to practise meditation it will help to be aware of your thoughts, but not involved with them. A thought will arise, depressive or not, and it will not lead to a connected train of thought, but just float off.

Think of a fish on the floor of the ocean with bubbles rising from the gills. Each bubble pops up, rises to the surface and pops. The bubbles are not connected, they rise independently and pop by themselves. If someone collects them before the surface and shakes them about a bit, the become a bigger bubble and the pop will be bigger when they are eventually released.

The thoughts are not you, they are just thoughts: in the final analysis, just a bit of vibrating energy. They have no power to hurt you. The only hurt comes from your reaction to them, your involvement with them, and your belief in them.

Meditation will not be a magic wand you can wave to 'cure' the depression, or even ward it off for a bit of peace, but it can be a slow and sure way to help you observe what is going on in your mind in an objective fashion.

If you can find one, a 'buddy' meditator would be great, to help you over the rough patches.

Hope this was somewhat helpful.

We are here to offer whatever help we can - keep us posted
peace and joy.

Thanks for your reply. I know that I did sound really desperate and completely trying to rely on meditation to solve all my problems in my first post talking about suicide right off the bat. It wasn't due to the depression that straight led to it, just some bad and stupid choices (Drug use trying to fit in with group of people, alchohol abuse). I have quit smoking cigs for 3 years, I haven't touched any form or abused any form of drug for 2-3 years. I do drink alchohol only on weekends and that's only casually. I know I have it in me to go through with something if I put my mind to it so I am going to stick with this.

I have been reading a book called Patanjali Yoga Sutra since the past 2 days and absolutely loving it. I looked up some basic posture exercises on youtube and plan on incorporating that with the meditation daily. I have a question though, I have been running the treadmill for an hour daily, should I do this before or after the yoga and meditation?

Thanks

Karmoh · May 27th, 2011, 00:18

Originally Posted by Hazelkay

If you continue to to practise meditation it will help to be aware of your thoughts, but not involved with them. A thought will arise, depressive or not, and it will not lead to a connected train of thought, but just float off.

Think of a fish on the floor of the ocean with bubbles rising from the gills. Each bubble pops up, rises to the surface and pops. The bubbles are not connected, they rise independently and pop by themselves. If someone collects them before the surface and shakes them about a bit, the become a bigger bubble and the pop will be bigger when they are eventually released.

The thoughts are not you, they are just thoughts: in the final analysis, just a bit of vibrating energy. They have no power to hurt you. The only hurt comes from your reaction to them, your involvement with them, and your belief in them.

Meditation will not be a magic wand you can wave to 'cure' the depression, or even ward it off for a bit of peace, but it can be a slow and sure way to help you observe what is going on in your mind in an objective fashion.

If you can find one, a 'buddy' meditator would be great, to help you over the rough patches.

Hope this was somewhat helpful.

We are here to offer whatever help we can - keep us posted
peace and joy.

This is a beautiful treasure HazelKay has given you.

What she speaks of is not a promise of future fulfilment, although it may first appear that way. Meditation is not a key to future happiness. It is not an intricate system by which we come to reorganise our thoughts or revise our life stories, all for a better tomorrow.
BUT meditation is an invitation to put those kinds of things aside long enough to look more deeply into our present experience and realize that the wholeness and healing that we seek is already here. We have just been overlooking it. In between those deep and troubling thoughts, thoughts that bring you to suffer so much are spaces. This space is always there unmoving waiting, waiting for you to recognise life itself. The key is to be aware of this space between thoughts instead of looking for a solution in all the wrong places including in the past (thoughts)or future (thoughts).

Meditation will help you see that thoughts cannot hurt you. Take your time embrace meditation for what it is, a key to see that life itself is not meant to be full of suffering and pain.

Peace

Karmoh · May 27th, 2011, 01:49

Originally Posted by Shiraz

I have been reading a book called Patanjali Yoga Sutra since the past 2 days and absolutely loving it. I looked up some basic posture exercises on youtube and plan on incorporating that with the meditation daily. I have a question though, I have been running the treadmill for an hour daily, should I do this before or after the yoga and meditation?

Thanks

Hello,

I use basic yoga postures on waking and before meditation then a gentle yoga stretch after. Simple yoga before meditation is relaxing. I also run, but I tend to keep meditation and running spaced apart.
So my typical (non lazy

) day looks like this
AM. Rise, Yoga, meditate 45mins, Yoga stretch. Work and do stuff.
PM. Afternoon: work and do stuff then Yoga stretch, run, Yoga stretch.
PM. evenings: do stuff, meditate 20mins, sleep.

By Yoga stretch I mean that I do some basic poses but not to any particular practice, form or standard.

Sounds to me that you are finding your way nicely.