my last 1 and a half year of my life

[jada]

hi all,

i already made an introduction, but today i feel i want to tell how my last year has been, everything was fine, until february of 2009, when my wife's mum passed away after almost 2 years suffering from motor neurone desease, its a desease that leaves you incapable of movement, very painfull to see her in that state. My relationship with my wife changed a lot since than, she was more focused on her father and her brother which is still at university, so i was starting to feel alone and put apart, i was being kind of selfish in a way, was nt understanding her , pretanding that now that her mum passed away everything should come back to normal. i became irritable, always fighting with her telling that she prefers her family instead of me (now that i am writing this down i really feel that i was selfish). time passed and i had my first panic attack, horrible experience, since han i tried to stay calmer, and i started to understand her more, still i had some anxious days, but panic attack occured only once.

i decided that i need to slow my life down, too much stress, work, relationship etc, so i decided to begin meditation. i came across this forum,and the wonderfull people that write with the heart, also i discovered lifeflow. its helping me a lot, but i still have these mood swings sometimes. i try not to think on the past and future, but sometimes its impossible. i m 35, sometimes i feel i am going through a mid life crisis, there are days when i feel realy enthusiasthic, and get happy from nothing, and then are those days that i feel sad and thinking how i was better before, and how i get anxious for nothing, and the emptiness i sometimes feel. thankfully there are more bright days than dull ones.

with meditation i am learning to relax more, sleeping better and be more positive. i just wanted to write my experience down nothing more.

thanks for reading, i feel more open now.


love, peace and happiness

david -
malta

[Anglepen]

Hi David

I replied to your previous thread before reading this one.
I think you are in a similar boat to many of us here, I'm 39 and I sometimes wonder if I am suffering some kind of mental illness worse than diagnosed (mild depression) and often I wonder if I am going mad as my mood swings are so extreme its a frightening, and often so for my loved ones.
You know when its time to act and you have done so, its a great step forward, but please dont be afraid to consult you doctor and seek professional help, its nothing to be ashamed of my friend.

Your problems may seem to be so heavy a burden that you may feel you cannot cope, and often without professional help some of might not, but with meditation you will afford yourself some calm and peaceful time with yourself and just yourself.

Keep talking with us David.

Kev

[jada]

thanks kev, anxiety and the thing that something bad is going to happen, also stress, are my problems, not everyday, but , example today was one of those 'bad' days

anyway, talking, and knowing that there are people in the same boat helps me a lot.

thanks again

david

[Midnight]

It's definitely a great step to make the decision to improve a situation in your life. Many people never even think about self-improvement in their life. I congratulate you on your decision to uncover your true nature as a human being. Sounds a bit cheesy, but that's okay

The benefits of meditation are cumulative and increase over time. Letting go of how you think you might benefit from meditation will be helpful to you, because if you're focusing on what you thought might occur as a benefit, you'll overlook the real progress that's being made.

I recommend reading about Pranayama and Samyama on the website in this thread and incorporate it into your sessions.
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Advanced Yoga Practices
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As you continue to meditate, you'll release previously suppressed feelings and states of mind that were latent in your body. Obviously they have to rise to the surface. While most of it will exit your body gently, some of it you may experience again in the form of stress or anxiety for no real reason.

Your true nature is covered up by negative life experiences that you didn't know how to handle at the time, so you buried your emotions. They never left, they were just hidden. When they are released you can be free to live life the way you choose, and can stop worry about little things that really don't matter.

I also recommend reading The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle and Many Lives, Many Masters by Brian Weiss.

Good luck to you. Just know when you're feeling at your lowest point, that it's all part of the process. You're always learning, and the learning never stops!

[jada]

hi midnight , thanks for your beautifull words, yes i am buying that book, i am already seeing improvements, i am learning to relax more, i ll look into that link you suggested.

thanks very much

david

[Mr Monkey]

Hi David,

I'm sorry to hear you have experienced some difficulties but it sounds like things are becoming more positive for you, which is always a good thing . After reading this thread and seeing your thinking of getting the Power of Now book I thought you may find the following links interesting/useful.

This is a link to free streams/downloads of Oprah and Eckhart Tolle (author of 'Power of Now') discussing a chapter a week of another of Eckharts books 'A New Earth' which he wrote after the Power of Now. You don't need to have read 'A New Earth' to get something out of the classes but it is a good book (if you like the Power of Now it'd be a very good follow up read). This was done a few years ago and they used Skype to bring in people from all around the World to ask questions.
Link: Watch A New Earth Web Classes on Oprah.com

Numerous clips of Eckhart are on Youtube (a few are posted on this site), but many more can be found via the link below.
Link: YouTube - Eckhart Tolle;

Cheers,
Paul

[jada]

thanks mr monkey , i'll watch the clips for sure. i also made an appointment with a psychologist, to help me put me back on track...

love
david

[life]

Hello David,
I am a busy surgeon. I have not had too much time to read many books on spirituality. I read the Power of Now a few months ago and since then, I have also read New Earth (Eckhart Tolle also). I have listened to Jon Kabat-Zinn (Wherever You Go, There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life).

I am sure there are many many great books out there regarding stress reduction. One thing that I have learned over the past year is that meditation has allowed me to see what I have been too busy realize most of my life. I come into contact with many people every day. I appreciate people like I have never appreciated them before. I have also a new found appreciation for the preciousness of every moment that my physical body exists. I see so much suffering every day I am at work in the hospital. I "become one" with my patients. In a state of peace. I have been very successful at making no judgments about my patients (obese, smoker, alcoholic etc..). I can see clearly into them. I am them and they are me. I just talk to them and feel their presence.

Since then, I have been a far superior surgeon over the past few months. And I can sense that my patients see something different in me. Sometimes I feel they they can't quite figure out what is different about me (in a good sense...).

[jada]

all medical staff should take your example, it really helps the way patient are treated.

thanks

david