lost in nothing
Hello to everyone, my name is cate. I'm not entirely sure if this is the right place to be writting what i am about to write but I need to write it, I really do, and even if no one hears it I think I will have helped myself by doing so, so here goes....
I have been meditating on and off for about a year (mostly off than on). In the last few monts it has become increasingly important to me. Recently some very old and dark feelings have begun to creep in, painful feelings of fear and of being lost. The more I try to watch them the bigger they seem to get, especially during meditation now. I am feeling increasingly powerless and I'm frightened about that as I used to self harm and I do not wish to ever do that again to my precious body, or to my mind. I tried life flow 10 for the second time today and got so upset that I had to stop. I know I'm not doing anything wrong, nor do I expect miracles, but for some reason I seem to be turning my meditation against me. I am crying fairly uncontrollably just now, I just finished with listening and meditating.
Has anyone else here ever experienced anything like what I'm describing, I don't really know what direction to turn in next as going inward is getting so scary. If anyone at all has any words of advice I would be very grateful. I am trying to 'make friends with my fear' s my lovely friend peter puts it, but it's just getting bigger and bigger, and i'm scared of it, which i know is what is adding to it. I just feel so stuck.
To anyone that reads this, thank you at least for listening, many many blessings and all my love
cate
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