Fighting against compulsion and self-criticism - Page 3

Mythrill · October 8th, 2009, 21:40

I've been trying not to go into a relaxation state so deep that I'll sleep, so I tried today the Lotus position. Unfortunately, this also happened to me today and I got a neck ache.

The funny thing is that I've been having nightmares about the past. That, and my imagination has been more active, lively. While making my imagination fluid as it was in the past was my goal, I've always been afraid of it going astray.

I'm mentioning that because I've been into hypnosis once, and I had a similar effect. What happened there, though, was that my memory (not my imagination) got very, very lively and after that I couldn't relax and go into the hypnotic process anymore.

Mythrill · October 20th, 2009, 23:21

I hope you don't mind I use this thread as my own journal.

Lately, I've been having mixed experiences: very relaxing meditation sessions mixed with some I can't focus at all. Also, toughts about someone I loved deeply (and as a matter of fact, I noticed I still do) surfaced again in my mind. I'm not sure on what to do... I was a bit mean to this person and said horrible things, but I suppose it's more like shared guilt than anything. My mind has also been thinking a lot during the day since a few days ago.

Mythrill · October 21st, 2009, 07:11

I used to get psychosomatic headaches and body pains, and lately I've relearned how to cry. This made me feel more in touch with my own feelings. Unfortunately, my mother saw me crying today.

GilesC · October 21st, 2009, 15:41

Why is that unfortunate? Your mother saw you crying as a baby and there is nothing wrong with crying as an adult. I'm sure your mother also feels the need to cry sometimes.

I'm sure if she sees you crying, she will simply be concerned for you, but it is entirely your life and entirely up to you whether you choose to discuss the reasons with her. She should respect that.

If you feel the need to cry, go ahead an cry, I do. There are so many people who do hold back tears or their feelings and, as you've found out, this provides no benefit to us, it only serves to bottle up those emotions for later.

Hugs

Giles

Mythrill · October 22nd, 2009, 19:42

I'm starting to notice an interesting thing. Obviously, strong emotions (intense anger or euphoria) pose an obstacle to meditation. I'm starting to see those emotions in meditation as if I was on a cloud. I've been doing it with sadness and anger for a while, but doing it while in an euphoria state is extremely difficult to me still, but there's some progress.

annschmech · March 8th, 2010, 19:00

From Ta-tsu-wa's post:
"Give it a try. You certainly have little to lose unless you value feeling miserable and negative about people. In which case, just stick with your current paradigm of living in a world filled with bad people because so far its returned everything to you exactly as you've requested it."
*************

This is so true. I have to work hard to see people for who they really are because of the expectations I have of others and myself. Our perception of the other people around us gets tainted with judgement, resentment and frustration. Our bad day turns them into 'toads'. They may be a wonderful prince or princess, but for that day, in my mind, they are toads because I'm looking for toads and any slight show of being 'human' on their part will do for a reason to toad tag.
My drama, not theirs. I've learned that no one needs to live up to my expectations of them good or bad. I need to accept them as they are at that time and that they are exactly the where they are supposed to be.

GilesC · March 10th, 2010, 00:08

Another way to look at it is something that was taught to me when I first started learning about Buddhism...

If you hate a person, there will still be somebody who loves that person. That person themselves cannot be the hate and the love at the same time, thus the hate and love can only exist within the persons perceiving. As such only the persons perceiving can let go of the emotions, not the person being perceived.

If you hate somebody, that somebody cannot change how you feel, only you can.

Hugs

Giles

wardie · March 16th, 2010, 02:08

its true you can either see the world as a whole bad, and most people bad which is what i have done all my life, but lately i have tried to re-frame and put all as good until I find out otherwise, and so far I really think it is helping me to have a brighter outlook.

(two prisoners look out from their bars
one sees mud the other sees stars)