Loving yourself?

enlighteneduk · August 22nd, 2009, 11:27

Maybe off topic, but I still struggle with this concept. I respect myself, yes, and have a great capacity to feel love for others, but I read repeatedly that I cannot truly love another, if I do not 'love' myself. I have been trying to understand this for years, but never seem to get any further! I read my yahoo stars this morning, which is what prompted me to write this topic. They said:

You have a lot to offer, dear Gemini. Everyone really does appreciate who you are and what you have to contribute. Yet you have been unable to give yourself credit for all that you've accomplished. It would be worthwhile for you to take some time contemplating why this is so. You have a strong need to be loved, but you must first love yourself. Yes, we know it's a cliche to say; nevertheless you know it is true. Your family and friends will support you, but first you must support yourself.

Yes, I have accomplished a lot, in my work within the equestrian world, to try to make the lot of the horse, an easier one ( there is so much cruelty, often through ignorance, and I try to educate the masses to realise this) but never feel that it is of any great pride, more that it was something I have always felt that I was born to do! Anyone with any thoughts which might help in this matter?

Heather

Itlandm · August 22nd, 2009, 14:20

Can you get wetter than a waterfall?

When love runs through your life, from the endless source above to the endless need below, you will always be filled with it. Love is not a scarce resource, but people who can bring it down to earth are few, and this is the bottleneck.

There are those who don't believe in a Higher World, perhaps because they have yet not met a saint in this world or not believed their own eyes when they saw selfless love. In such a situation it is surely better to love oneself than to try to coerce or guilt-trip others into showing one respect. But if you have surpassed this, there is no need to go back.

Panthau · August 22nd, 2009, 15:23

I needed to learn to love myself also, and what i do these days, is to "fill" me up with love from my heart chakra while im meditating. Because i believe that thoughts are or have energy, i fill myself (my "energyfield" or what you want to call it) with the thoughts i want...with feeling of love, healing and all i like to.

Maybe this is help for anyone reading this.

enlighteneduk · August 22nd, 2009, 20:02

Originally Posted by Itlandm

Can you get wetter than a waterfall?

When love runs through your life, from the endless source above to the endless need below, you will always be filled with it. Love is not a scarce resource, but people who can bring it down to earth are few, and this is the bottleneck.

There are those who don't believe in a Higher World, perhaps because they have yet not met a saint in this world or not believed their own eyes when they saw selfless love. In such a situation it is surely better to love oneself than to try to coerce or guilt-trip others into showing one respect. But if you have surpassed this, there is no need to go back.

I have been lucky to witness selfless love on a number of occasions, itland, and I can truly say I have never felt the need to coerce or guilt trip anyone into showing me respect. I have never asked for it, nor crave it, with animals (and especially the equine species!) if you have ego, you are likely to have it flattened pretty sharpish!!

But it is not 'selfless love', I am enquiring about, it is 'love of self' with which I have problems with the concept. I suppose I was brought up to believe that to love oneself was narcissistic, and of the ego, and maybe this is what has coloured my idea of this throughout my life. Now in all the self development work I have undertaken, I am told I must first love myself before I can love another, and this is the concept that I struggle with, constantly!!

Heather

Itlandm · August 22nd, 2009, 22:23

The body needs to be maintained. The ego has infinite needs. The Self has no needs. So which one is it you plan to love?

How do you plan to practice this love? Love is the power that unites. This is its definition. When you love someone, you want to be close to them, in body or in mind. When you hate someone, the whole world is not big enough for the both of you. Hate drives apart, love draws together. How do you plan to love yourself all alone? It is not possible.

There is no worth in listening to the advice from people who think they will get happier by getting your money. Listen to the guiding lights of the human spirit through history, those who lived and died the way they preached, filled with love for everyone in their path. They were beyond illusion.

enlighteneduk · August 22nd, 2009, 23:35

I dont think you quite understand me, Itlandm. I am far from alone, and am fortunate in having a great deal of love in my life, that of my family, friends, my animals, and also the wonderful community that is my own internet forum. I have endured many tragedies in my own life, and hope I have learned compassion from these traumas, and which I try to put into use by helping others in similar situations. I long ago learned that hate is a divisive emotion and it has no part of my life- I do not hate, or feel bitterness or jealousy towards anyone.

I am merely trying to understand the concept of 'loving myself'. I have no trouble in feeling love for another, quite the contrary, but cannot feel the same strength of emotion for myself.

Heather

Panthau · August 23rd, 2009, 00:34

Loving yourself means for me in first place
to accept everything you are, and the fact that youre here.

We are reflecting ourselfs every day in the people around us,
and if theres something we dont accept (we dont like) in us,
we dont like it also in others. Thats what i understand with loving
yourself in first place before beeing able to love others.

enlighteneduk · August 23rd, 2009, 00:50

Ah, many thanks Pan- that is a very clear and simple way to think of it.

Heather

Panthau · August 23rd, 2009, 11:26

Im glad i could help. I always try to be as simple as possible

pollyanna · August 23rd, 2009, 15:05

Hi Heather, searched through the community and found the following link - it's a little exercise I suggested and Beth (who's achieved fantastic results) experienced this:-

A daring test of love for Leapyear!!

If you try it, make sure you are not disturbed because it's a very personal exercise.

Our true being is actually an infinite source of love - often hidden because of the busy mind that we identify with constantly. Because it's hidden we can feel as though we have a void within ourselves and we tend to search for an "elusive something" Often when we are shown love from others we can tend to cling on to it.

If you have a child, you probably understand the unconditional love you have for your child. You can learn to love yourself unconditionally instead of criticising yourself and putting yourself down.

Try noticing how you talk to yourself (with your thoughts) when you make a mistake etc. You'll probably realise that you wouldn't be harsh with someone else if they made the mistake - so it makes sense to be kind, understanding and compassionate with yourself too.

The amazing part of observing through meditation is accepting the sensations within your body that accompany fear and other negative emotions and simply observing them until they just dissolve.

This is probably the most freeing exercise I have learned to do.

Until you master this just keep affirming to yourself that you like and love yourself - with practise you will discover the infinate abundance you have to share with others and when you are given love from others you will deeply enjoy this , although you won't need it

You can also incorporate this into the gratitude exercise too - e.g. "I am so greatful that I truly like, love and accept myself just as I am" I hope this makes sense and is of help to you. I wish you an abundance of love, joy and peace on your continuing journey of self discovery